03/15/2025
Most people think smooth sailing and getting along is the key to a healthy relationship, but the exact opposite is true. Relationships thrive when overcoming tension, rather than avoiding it.
Even in the best marriages, couples fight, say hurtful things or get critical and defensive. Then, they have a conversation where they repair these ruptures and recover. This is known as the Conflict/Repair Cycle. Repeating this cycle throughout your marriage is how relationships grow.
Unfortunately, not all couples successfully complete this repair process and instead, get caught in cycles of blame and defensiveness. Then, they struggle with emotional disconnection and the distance between them grows deeper.
Without a repair process, partners don’t feel a sense of acceptance in their relationship and begin to feel unsafe.
But, they cannot connect when they are in fear and protect themselves with negativity. They wait for bad things to happen, react to problems and fall into patterns of blame and resentment.
How you respond to this negativity determines what happens in your relationship. Are you defensive, ready to protect yourself, or do you have an open heart, ready to understand and love your partner?
The latest research in neuroscience shows that feeling accepted and feeling safe in your relationship are two essential components that lead to personal growth and relationship growth. Partners must learn how to release their negativity and regain emotional safety, .. so they can heal and connect with each other again.
