04/02/2026
In my office, I see so many clients who are exhausted from the vigilance they feel is required in their relationship. They are busy managing their partner’s adulthood… checking the alarm, packing the bag, anticipating the mood, pre-solving the crisis before it even arrives.
We call it “being supportive.” But let’s be honest. It is a form of clandestine control. We over-function because we are afraid. We are afraid of the mess, the emotional reaction, or the sheer embarrassment of watching them fail. So, we step in.
The tragedy is this: When you take over the responsibility for your partner’s life, you move from a horizontal partnership to a parental dynamic… and there is nothing more un-sexy than that.
By making their mistakes invisible, you have made their growth impossible.
What if… they are late, let them be late, if they forget, let them forget, if they have big feelings, let them feel it? It is better to have a messy, honest encounter than a facade of a relationship that crumbles after years of over-extending yourself.
As you confront the possibility of all of this… what comes up for you? What are you afraid would happen?
