11/27/2024
The parentified daughter is raised to think of everyone before herself. At a young age she becomes the mediator between fighting parents, the sibling that gets other siblings ready, the therapist to her mother, or the confidant to her father. It’s a role reversal that leaves her own emotional needs completely neglected.
Over time she becomes more and more focused on keeping the family together and making sure everyone is ok. This is the role of her parents— but their own generational trauma has left them emotionally immature. As children in adult bodies, they over-rely on her. They see her as a peer. And they’re unaware of how this will impact her throughout life.
Her nervous system sees this caretaking role as a threat (a role she’s not developmentally ready for) and puts her into a hypervigilant state.
As a teenager, she’s supposed to be exploring, learning who she is, and focusing on building her future— but she’s flooded with anxiety.
By her 20’s she’s a people pleaser. Terrified to say no. She feels like she’s done something wrong for “no reason.”— a telltale sign she’s been parentified. When she thinks about doing something (anything) for herself she instantly thinks of what other people will think of it. And the thought of disappointing people is so crippling, she’ll do anything she can to avoid it.
After graduating college, the physical effects are setting of her life experience are setting in. Her symptoms are messages from her body saying: enough. She’s diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. Every day she feels exhausted from the autonomic nervous system and her elevated immune system response.
Her body remembers.
Next month in .circle we’re covering all things parentification. If you’d like to join next enrollment, you’ll get access to all parentification content and workshops. Comment “WAITLIST” then check your DM
