Counseling Center for Living Well, Christian Counseling San Antonio Tx

07/09/2025

10/31/2024

Online Membership and Accountability Group For Young Adults (18 - 29) Helping young adults develop their inner grit for “adulting” by motivating and equipping them for their journey. Take me to the App! You’re in your 20s, and you thought you were ready for the next stage of your life, but now...

07/31/2024

It’s 1,092 sunrises now without him, and it’s grief that lays you right bare, exposed, straight down to the rawest parts of you, wild and untamed.

But this, after years of exhausting wrestle, is what I’ve come home to rest in:

To get to love is a gift — and there is no loving without suffering. The only way to avoid all suffering — is to avoid all loving. To be deeply human – is to deeply love – which means to deeply suffer. Suffering and grief is on the way of everyone being truly human.

And maybe: Gratitude for the gift of your story – means being somehow grateful for all the pages of your story, even the most tender ones… because to tear out some of the pages of your story – would tear up the story of you.

And ultimately:

What griefs in life are not gifts – if those griefs move you closer to comfort other grieving hearts — if those griefs move you closer to the comfort of God?

Grief is this deep emotion – that’s meant to put your heart in motion – to move you, move you toward embracing others in their grief, and move you toward the intimate embrace of God.

And this tender journey of the last 3 years keeps proving how grief and gratitude are not opposites, but grief is a tender gratitude for what was.

A read for your heart here: https://annvoskamp.com/2024/05/how-is-loss-a-gift-about-grief-gratitude-the-gifts-of-god/

03/29/2024

How often do you say, “If only I knew, then I’d be calm.” What anxious thoughts flood you when uncertainty and suffering abound? What would be different if only the answers were in plain sight?

Leading up to Good Friday Jesus told of what was to come, and Peter exclaimed, “Never, Lord!” And thus Malchus lost an ear and the denials followed. *John 18:10 and Luke 22:54-62

If what I want, will be what is to come, then maybe my anxious thoughts will subside. Or if not my desired outcome, then busy at work I will be trying hard to change what the Life Changer wills.

Maybe it is better, though, to be led by what He sees, taking one step at a time, toward whatever His story reveals.

Like unwanted guests, the thoughts of what will be will return, and even so, His will be done. Why wrestle with these intruders? Why not take one step forward with what I do know today and with an open dependence on a God-given Way? *Proverbs 16:9

When I hold tightly to my unclear vision and wants, I’m inclined to rigid self-protection and distracting emotion management rather than dependency, openness, and the possibility of awe and growth.

Peter would do anything to keep His Lord and Friend close to him.
*Jesus would do IT ALL that none should live without Him.*

So in those dark hours when the friends He loved slept, Jesus cried out “Take this cup from me.” And like one Who is well acquainted with suffering—He sweats blood—and surrendered His will to the All that is Good. *Luke 22:44

Now when our vision is blurred and the cry of our heart is, “take this from me,” or “tell me how all this will go” we have the Way living in us that has written on His very being the full knowing and passion of a suffering heart living in an unjust world. The Way leads us in all that is truly Good.

And it is a Good Friday—my whole being now occupied by the One Who suffered it all and is known as the Way. *John 14:25-27 and 1 Corinthian 6:19

02/14/2024

Our stories, narratives, and difficult thoughts don't define who we are, they are a collection of the life we've lived. When a difficult narrative takes center stage we can feel powerless and defined as "I am my thoughts." But think about a thought like, "I'm good at being compassionate." Now tell yourself "I am a compassionate person all the time." Doesn't stick as much as the difficult thoughts because of course we can think of that one time we were certainly not compassionate! By trying to push away difficult thoughts, or just balance them with all those things we like about ourselves, we just get more fused to them.

This activity by Steven Hayes gives us a way to live more flexibly with these thoughts, accepting there are so many narratives making up the story of you and me. God goes by different names in the Bible, but my favorite is "I Am," encompassing a fascinating story that has been and never ends. You are made in the image God and while you are not God, you too are made up of many stories, and not one of them can adequately and definitively describe you.

Write down a difficult thought on a small piece of paper and hold it up. Look at it the way you might look at a precious and fragile page from an ancient manuscript.

These words are an echo of your history. Even if the thought is painful, ask yourself if you would be willing to honor that history by choosing to carry this piece of paper with you.

If you can get to “yes” put it carefully in your pocket or purse and let it come along for the ride. During the days you carry it, every so often pat your purse or pocket or where ever you keep it, as if to acknowledge that it is part of your journey, and it is welcome to come along.

___

This technique is from my book "A Liberated Mind." You can find others like it on stevenchayes.com.

02/09/2024

Is it hard to drop the struggle with uncertainty? Of course it is! Our brains just want to protect us from all that could be painful, but what are we missing out in when our goal is to avoid all things painful? Ann Voskamp shares how we can loosen our grip, drop the struggle, and live more freely in relationship with God and others.

… honestly, it's kinda hard to know how it's all going to work out, this season, that problem, these kids, that situation.

And I kinda just looked in the mirror this morning and whispered:

What if you didn't need to know what was coming ahead of you, as much as needed to lean on Him who is beside you?

What if you just breathed deep & lived it: “Let the one who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the Lord,
& rely on their God." Is. 50:10

Confession:
We want clarity —
God just wants us to come closer.

We want to know the roadmap through the future —
God just wants us to know real intimate relationship with Him right now.

We want to know what’s going to happen —
God just wants us to not let anything that happens to ever stop us from going to Him.
Sometimes:

We want greater clarity *when what we need is deeper trust.*

We want to clearly know what’s coming *when what we need is to come closer to God so we can clearly see what really matters— no matter what happens.*

You can live into all kind of question marks — when you’re marked by a deep trust in the goodness of God.

Life is always clearer when you press closer to Him … & see your life through the sheer love of God.

01/23/2024

New article is live “How a Broken Elbow is Helping My Resolutions.” Click the link below to read it in full: https://stevenchayes.com/how-a-broken-elbow-is-helping-my-resolutions/

01/19/2024

Check out this Online Group for Young Women 16 to 19 years old, starting February 17th! *not faith based* Email Seasoned Counselor and Adulting Coach Kelli A Wright, LPCC today for more information!

12/20/2023

… exhale. Because Jesus has overcome the world - - you & I, together, we don't
have to be overwhelmed by any of the whirl.

Hushing the hurry with gentle soul-talk, with
today's Note to Soul:
"I will breathe deeply
& not let worry overrule
this moment,
or this Christmas.

When the King rules my world,
I cease to rule,
or to let worry rule.

Worrying can try to
dethrone God.

Worrying can try to
say I'd be a better king
and God is rather incompetent.

But today..

I am going to trust that in the little places,
through unexpected people,
His perfect story is unfolding
& unwrapping
all around me & in me,
the light overtaking the dark."

The King has entered this world, & the wonder in Him is here & now & truly true…

- excerpt from
TheGreatestChristmas.com
❄️👉🏽 How are you paying attention to the ways He's loving you today?

12/05/2023

Do you get lost in the busy of Christmas? Sometimes we need to step back to see the big picture, to remember the Author and Finisher of our faith wrote us into His story and humbled Himself to enter into our story. Other times we need to narrow our vision and focus in on the symbols and blessings, to see the star and rejoice exceedingly with great joy! Take a moment today to look around and remember you are in His story and He is in yours, then take a closer look, and find Joy.

Tip to increase presence of mind and focus:

Daily 5 to 10 minute meditation--
Try an app like "Centering Prayer" The intent of meditation is less about clearing you mind and more about letting thoughts come and go--not judging or analyzing. Repeat a phrase from scripture while breathing in, and slowly and fully exhaling.

09/12/2023

The night I arrived in New York City, sitting in my downtown hotel with my view of the Statue of Liberty on one side and the World Trade Center on the other, I wrote this prayer:

"The next several days are full of the unexpected. I pray so earnestly that each day will be filled with wonder and amazement for having such an awesome God. I pray all plans will be through His work and He will be glorified. Thank you Lord! You are my Abba and Sovereign Savior!"

On September 8, 2001, I didn’t know that just a few days later I would desperately need my Sovereign Savior and my Daddy (Abba) on the most frightening day of my life.

In the aftermath of tragedy there are so many difficult memories and feelings that come up for us who go on living. If I’m completely transparent, I have to admit that trauma and the accompanying anger, tempts me to shake my fist at the God of the universe and cry out, “Why, how could you not stop this!?” And “Where was the “wonder and amazement?” “Did you not hear my petition?”

Then I remember, that He too had experienced deep anger in the tragedy of loss and death of his friend Lazarus. And that He on the cross, despised the shame of evil that threatened to rob humanity of all that is Good. He offered Himself as Life to those who die that once again we may live!

And there it is the wonder and amazement.. it is Him, the Good that evil could not destroy, the One who gives life and is Life, not life for only now but life beyond tragedy and beyond the grave.

It’s not something that my brain can fully fathom, but He is what my soul needs. His Spirit, knowing the sting of death, empathizes with my weary soul and comforts in a way no human can.

And while I offer no answer to why evil wrecked so many lives that day, I can attest to this: God Is always Good. Don’t be deceived into viewing your pain as a sign of His abandonment. He gently and fearlessly enters your pain and nails the shame of it to the cross. Whereas evil intrudes then flees the scene of it’s inexcusable crimes against humanity. So I shake my fist at evil and fall into the arms of my Abba saying to Him, “You were there with me. And you are here now...my comfort, my savior, my Life.”

Oh death where is your sting? Corinthians 15:55

When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. John 11:33

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; John 11:25
....who for the JOY that was set before him (Jesus) endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Heb. 12:1

…and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; Rev. 21:4

07/24/2023

... so, yeah, we may not know how tomorrow's going to go,
but we could lean on the One who always goes before us & already knows.

And, yeah, we may not have the foggiest idea how we're going to make it,
but there's a Hand that reaches through the fog, takes ours & He makes a way —
because that's His name. *He is The Way.*

And, honest, though we may be downright weary of the heartbreaks, the headlines, the hard roads,
God cups our faces: He doesn't demand us to carry the weight of understanding everything — He only asks we stand close to Him & let Him undertake everything.

God never lays the weight on you to be amazing.
He only invites you into the most profound choice in all the universe:
Rest.
Rest in His strength to do it,
rest in His ways above ours,
rest in Him who is with you, in you & is 100% for you.

Leave all the amazing to Him.

And His Amazing Grace finds us where we are right now and is taking us — even right now — where we've only dreamed.