03/10/2026
Real Leaders Have Hard Conversations
…speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. Ephesians 4:15
Am I the only one who thinks “Pastor” should be one of Mike Rowe’s “Dirty Jobs” episodes on the Discovery Channel?
Thinking about another truth my Dad taught me about the church.
Those of you who knew Dad know that he was certainly capable of “stirring the pot” even to the point of conflict. That capability was, I think, actually a reflection of a particular leadership skill he possessed…he was capable of having the hard conversations in a church. You know the conversations I mean: the ones nobody else on the staff wants to have, the ones which may prove to be a bit awkward, even painful. I watched him in ministry for many years on this earth and, whether as a pastor or a denominational worker, or even as a Sunday School teacher, I knew Dad to step up to the plate many, many times when a hard thing needed to be said or conveyed.
This is not a lesson he ever spoke to me, at least not that I can remember. Rather, this is a lesson I learned from watching him all these years. Real church leaders, the ones who are genuine influencers, are the ones who are willing to sit down and have that very difficult conversation which nobody else wants to have. The pretend leaders, on the other hand, will avoid those conversations at all costs.
You know well the conversations I mean…
…that volunteer who needs to be “counseled out” of a particular ministry position…
…that employee whose gossip is becoming a problem…
…that Sunday School teacher who cannot seem to keep his favorite theological quirk out of any of his lessons…
…that church matriarch who is being divisive…
…that childcare worker who keeps avoiding the background check protocols…
…that curmudgeon who writes those hateful letters every single week to the pastor…
I could go on and on. After all, there are infinite examples because there is an apparently unlimited supply of issues and difficulties with which church leaders are faced. But the point is this: if you cannot muster the courage to speak the truth in love to a brother, if you constantly push the hard conversations off to others, then you are not a leader…not really. Maybe you’re a manager. Or maybe you hold some official title that sounds like a leader. Maybe you are popular on some level, even well-liked to some extent, but you are not a leader.
Jesus was a leader. And when you think about it, most of His words that ended up in scripture were the hard ones. So how is it that we allow ourselves to believe our leadership role is going to be different? It is not…because real leaders have hard conversations.
Oh, and one last word on this subject for those of us who are inclined toward technology. You cannot have a hard conversation by e-mail or by text or even by telephone. You have them face to face. If you are a leader, that is.
Coffee
