Kathryn Miller Therapy

08/26/2025

What Makes EFT Different from Other Couples Therapies?

Choosing the Right Kind of Couples Therapy

If you are considering couples therapy, it can be overwhelming to figure out which approach is right for you. From CBT and the Gottman Method to Imago and solution-focused models, there are several well-known methods that therapists use to support relationships.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) stands out in meaningful ways. It is one of the most research-supported, emotionally deep, and relationship-centered models available today — and it is different not just in technique, but in what it aims to heal.

Let’s take a closer look at what makes EFT unique and why it may be the right fit for couples who want more than just surface-level change.

Rooted in Emotion and Attachment

At the heart of EFT is a very simple truth: human beings are wired for connection. EFT is grounded in attachment theory, which means it focuses on the emotional bonds that form between people in close relationships. These bonds are not just about love or compatibility. They are about safety, trust, and the ability to turn to one another when life gets hard.

Other models often focus on behavior or communication. EFT goes deeper. It helps couples understand the emotional needs behind those behaviors and creates space for vulnerability — the kind of vulnerability that strengthens a relationship over time.

In short, EFT is not about teaching couples how to argue more politely. It's about helping them feel safe enough to say, "I miss you," or "I’m scared you are pulling away," or "I need to know you are here with me."

The Focus Is not on Skills — It is on Connection

Some therapy models teach communication skills, like using “I” statements or setting time limits on arguments. These can be helpful, but they do not always get to the root of what is happening.

EFT helps partners identify the emotional patterns that keep them stuck — often without them realizing it. For example:

• One partner feels alone or rejected and starts criticizing to get a response.
• The other partner feels attacked and pulls away to protect themselves.
• Over time, this becomes a cycle that plays out again and again, no matter what the issue is on the surface.

Instead of focusing only on solving problems or improving communication techniques, EFT helps couples understand why these cycles happen, and how to reach for each other in new, emotionally safe ways.

A Clear, Research-Based Process

EFT follows a specific structure with three clear stages:

1. De-escalation: Identifying the cycle and understanding each partner’s role in it, without blame.
2. Restructuring interactions: Creating new, emotionally open conversations where needs can be expressed and heard.
3. Consolidation: Helping the couple solidify their new patterns so they can keep growing together outside of therapy.

This process doesn’t just offer temporary relief. It builds a strong foundation for long-term connection.

According to research, around 70 to 75 percent of couples who complete EFT move from distress to recovery. About 90 percent report significant improvement. These are powerful numbers, especially for couples in crisis.

It is Not About Who is Right or Wrong

One of the most healing aspects of EFT is that it removes the idea of a "bad guy." Instead of keeping score or pointing fingers, EFT helps couples see how both people are caught in a pattern that neither one wants to be in.

This shift in perspective often brings a huge sense of relief. It creates space for empathy and understanding, which are both essential for reconnection.

EFT Works for All Kinds of Relationships

EFT has been shown to help:

• Couples recovering from betrayal or infidelity
• Long-term partners who feel more like roommates than lovers
• Newlyweds struggling with early adjustments
• Parents overwhelmed by the stress of raising children
• LGBTQ+ couples navigating identity and connection
• Individuals who want to explore emotional patterns on their own (EFT is also used in individual and family therapy)

It is flexible, adaptive, and focused on what matters most: emotional security.

Final Thoughts

All couples experience moments of distance, frustration, or misunderstanding. What makes the difference is how they respond to those moments.

EFT provides a map — one that guides couples out of disconnection and into deeper trust, intimacy, and emotional closeness.

If you are feeling stuck and wondering if there is more to your relationship than constant conflict or quiet disconnection, EFT may offer the path forward you have been hoping for.

📞210-592-8307 📧asst@kathrynmillertherapy.com

08/25/2025

Start your healing journey with Kathryn today. 📞210-592-8307

08/21/2025

📞210-592-8307
📧asst@kathrynmillertherapy.com

08/21/2025

08/18/2025

How Emotionally Focused Therapy Helps After Infidelity

Infidelity: Can a Relationship Really Heal?

When trust is broken in a relationship, especially through infidelity, it can feel like everything is falling apart. Betrayal cuts deep. It creates a storm of emotions: anger, sadness, fear, confusion. For many couples, it shakes the very foundation of what once felt safe and secure.

But here is something important to know: healing is possible. Many couples not only survive infidelity but come out stronger on the other side — with deeper understanding, greater emotional intimacy, and a new way of connecting.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can play a powerful role in that healing process.

What is EFT, and Why Is It So Effective After Betrayal?

EFT is a structured, research-backed form of couples therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. It is based on the science of adult attachment. In simple terms, that means it focuses on how we connect, how we respond to each other emotionally, and what happens when those bonds feel threatened.

In the aftermath of infidelity, emotions are usually intense and overwhelming. EFT offers a clear and compassionate path through that emotional chaos. Rather than focusing on surface-level problem solving, it helps couples reach the emotional core of what happened — and why.

Three Stages of EFT After Infidelity

EFT works in stages. That structure is especially helpful when trust has been broken. Here is how it typically unfolds:

1. Stabilization and Emotional Safety

This first stage is about calming the emotional storm. The betrayed partner may feel grief, rage, or deep hurt. The partner who strayed may feel shame, guilt, or fear.

Instead of rushing past the pain, EFT creates a space where both partners can be heard and supported without blame. The goal is not immediate forgiveness. It is about understanding each person’s emotional experience and beginning to rebuild a sense of emotional safety.

2. Understanding the Deeper Patterns

Infidelity does not usually come out of nowhere. It is often tied to emotional disconnection or needs that have not been expressed. That does not excuse the betrayal, but understanding why the relationship was vulnerable can help couples begin to heal.

EFT explores the emotional patterns that were happening beneath the surface. Were there unspoken feelings of rejection? Was one partner reaching out but not being seen? This part of the process helps both partners reflect on the roles they played and recognize the emotional dance they were caught in.

3. Reconnection and Repair

Once safety and understanding are in place, the couple can begin to reconnect in a new way. This stage is about creating a more honest, secure, and emotionally responsive connection.

Many couples describe this part of EFT as the moment they finally feel seen and understood. Not just surviving infidelity but beginning to thrive again. For many, it becomes the start of a new chapter — one that is built on honesty, emotional safety, and deeper connection.

EFT Isn’t About Rushing Forgiveness

One of the most important things to know is that EFT does not pressure the hurt partner to forgive. And it is not about helping one partner “get over it” for the sake of moving on.

EFT holds space for both partners. It honors the pain and grief, while also helping the couple understand each other more deeply. Healing is never rushed. It happens at the pace that feels right for both people.

When EFT May Not Be the Right Fit

EFT is powerful, but it is not a magic fix. If one partner is still involved in the betrayal, is unwilling to be honest, or is not open to the process, therapy may not be enough to move the relationship forward.

For EFT to work, both partners need to be engaged in the process and willing to do the work.

Final Thoughts

Infidelity can feel like the end — but it does not have to be. With the right support, couples can grow, reconnect, and rebuild something even stronger.

If you and your partner are navigating the aftermath of betrayal and wondering if healing is possible, EFT can offer a clear and compassionate path forward. You do not have to walk it alone.

Kathryn Miller Therapy
📞210-592-8307

08/13/2025

Take the first step toward reconnection. Contact Kathryn Miller Therapy today for more information on how EFT can transform your relationship.

📞210-592-8307

08/11/2025

EFT: Grounded in science. Centered on love. Tailored to your relationship.

Contact Kathryn Miller Therapy today for more information on how EFT could work for your relationship.

📞210-592-8307

08/07/2025

If you have been researching couples therapy, you have probably come across the term Emotionally Focused Therapy (or EFT). But what exactly is it, and how do you know if it’s right for your relationship?

The truth is, not every couple is in crisis. Some are just feeling disconnected. Others are stuck in the same argument that keeps looping over and over, no matter how much they love each other. And then there are couples dealing with bigger wounds, like betrayal, resentment, or emotional withdrawal.

EFT can meet couples wherever they are.

Let’s break it down a bit, so you can get a clearer picture of whether this kind of therapy might be a good fit for you and your partner.

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

EFT is a research-backed approach to couples therapy based on the science of adult attachment. That may sound technical, but in simple terms, it means EFT focuses on the emotional bond between partners, how we reach for each other, how we respond, and what happens when we feel emotionally unsafe or disconnected.

Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT has been shown to improve relationship satisfaction, reduce conflict, and help couples feel more secure with each other. It is not about blaming or “fixing” one partner. It’s about understanding the dance between you and helping you find a new way to move together.

Who is EFT For?

Here are some examples of couples who often benefit from Emotionally Focused Therapy:

1. Couples who feel like roommates instead of partners.
You get along just fine, but something feels missing. Maybe the emotional closeness is fading, or you are living parallel lives. EFT can help you reconnect and feel more like a team again.

2. Couples caught in recurring arguments.
You fight about the dishes, the tone of voice, or the text that did not get answered. But it’s not really about those things, is it? EFT helps identify the deeper emotional needs and fears behind those patterns and creates a safe space to explore them.

3. Couples recovering from betrayal or broken trust.
Infidelity. Secrets. Emotional distance. These wounds run deep, and they require more than surface-level communication tools. EFT helps rebuild emotional safety, step by step.

4. Couples facing major life stress.
Big transitions like parenting, loss, illness, or moving can shake even strong relationships. EFT offers a way to stay emotionally connected through the hard stuff.

5. Couples where one partner feels “too much” and the other shuts down.
This is one of the most common dynamics. One partner reaches out for connection, and the other pulls away, sometimes not even knowing why. EFT helps both partners understand what is happening underneath the surface, so neither feels alone nor misunderstood.

6. Couples who have tried other therapies and still feel stuck.
If traditional talk therapy did not get to the heart of your relationship struggles, EFT may offer a deeper path. It is not just about managing conflict; it’s about healing the bond.

Is EFT Only for Married Couples?

Not at all. EFT can be helpful for couples at any stage, dating, engaged, married, or long-term committed partners. The common thread is that there is a desire to feel closer, safer, and more connected.

What EFT Is Not

EFT is not about teaching quick-fix communication tricks or “winning” arguments. It’s about changing how you both experience and respond to each other emotionally. It takes courage and vulnerability, but the results can be lasting and meaningful.

Final Thoughts

If you and your partner are longing for a deeper connection, struggling with disconnection or conflict, or just want to better understand each other, EFT may be a great fit.

You don’t have to wait for things to get worse to seek support. Sometimes, the best time to reach out is when you realize you’re not feeling as close as you once did, and you both want to find your way back.

If you are curious to learn more or explore what couples therapy might look like with me, feel free to reach out. I would be honored to walk alongside you on your journey.

08/04/2025

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) helps couples rebuild emotional connections and find greater happiness together. Start your journey with Kathryn Miller Therapy today and experience the power of healing in your relationship.

📞210-592-8307

07/24/2025

When couples seek therapy, it is often because they feel emotionally disconnected, stuck in cycles of conflict, or unsure how to repair a bond that once felt strong. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) offers a compassionate and research-backed approach to healing these struggles—grounded in one of the most powerful psychological frameworks available: attachment theory.

But what exactly is attachment theory? And how does it play a central role in EFCT?

*The Basics of Attachment Theory

Attachment theory was first introduced by psychiatrist John Bowlby in the 1950s, with major contributions from developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth. Bowlby observed that the emotional bonds formed between infants and their primary caregivers shape not only early development but also our expectations of emotional connection and support throughout life.

Later research confirmed that these early patterns evolve into what psychologists now refer to as adult attachment styles. These styles influence how we give and receive love, how we handle emotional distance or conflict, and what we expect from our partners when we're vulnerable.

The four main adult attachment styles are:

-Secure: You’re comfortable with closeness and trusting of your partner.

-Anxious: You worry about being abandoned and often need reassurance.

-Avoidant: You value independence and may struggle with emotional intimacy.

-Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant): You want closeness but fear rejection, often feeling torn.

These styles are not diagnoses or fixed labels; they are flexible, and with the right support, couples can move toward greater security and emotional responsiveness.

*How EFCT Applies Attachment Theory

EFCT, developed by psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson, is built entirely on the foundation of adult attachment. It views romantic relationships not just as partnerships, but as emotional bonds, where each partner seeks safety, comfort, and connection—just like children seek from caregivers.

Instead of focusing primarily on communication techniques or problem-solving strategies, EFCT zooms in on the emotional signals and patterns underneath the arguments. It asks: When you fight, what are you really fighting about? What deeper fear or longing is going unmet?

Some common examples:

-A partner who seems angry or critical may actually be feeling abandoned or unimportant.

-A partner who withdraws or shuts down may be terrified of conflict or rejection.

-A couple locked in repeating arguments may actually be caught in a cycle where neither feels emotionally safe to reach for the other.

EFCT helps couples uncover these hidden dynamics by identifying their negative interaction cycle—the emotional choreography they repeat during conflict. Then, with support and guidance, they begin to restructure that cycle to create new patterns of openness, responsiveness, and emotional safety.

*What Happens in EFCT?

The EFCT process typically unfolds in three stages:

-De-escalation: The therapist helps the couple identify their negative cycle and the attachment needs behind it. This stage helps partners understand that the problem is not each other—it’s the cycle they’re caught in.

-Restructuring the bond: Partners begin to express their deeper fears, needs, and longings in ways that are emotionally accessible. The therapist helps facilitate new emotional experiences in-session, which begin to reshape how each partner views themselves and their partner.

-Consolidation: Once the emotional bond is more secure, couples learn to maintain this connection outside of therapy. They discuss past injuries, problem-solve more effectively, and plan for the future with greater trust and collaboration.
What makes EFCT so powerful is that it doesn’t just aim to reduce conflict—it aims to restore connection at its root.

*Why Attachment Theory Matters

Understanding attachment in the context of your relationship is not about blame—it’s about insight. When we realize that our reactions stem from deep, often unconscious fears of losing connection, we become more compassionate with ourselves and our partners. We stop seeing each other as enemies and start recognizing the pain and longing underneath.

EFCT offers a clear, structured, and compassionate path to help couples:

-Understand why they feel hurt, triggered, or alone

-Speak the emotional truth behind their behaviors

-Rebuild trust and safety

-Deepen emotional intimacy

And best of all, the research backs it up. EFCT boasts some of the strongest outcome data in couples therapy, with over 70–75% of couples moving from distress to recovery and over 90% reporting significant improvements.

*Final Thoughts

Our need for secure attachment does not end in childhood. As adults, we still long to know that someone will be there for us—especially in moments of fear, pain, or uncertainty. That longing is not weakness. It’s human.

At Kathryn Miller Therapy, EFCT helps couples discover that their conflict is not a sign of failure—it’s a signal that something important is at stake. By using the lens of attachment, we help couples heal old wounds, find new ways to turn toward each other, and build the kind of relationship where both partners feel seen, safe, and deeply connected.

07/21/2025

Real love isn’t always easy — but it is worth fighting for.

Couples often find themselves stuck in painful patterns of disconnection, where the same arguments play out again and again — leaving both partners feeling unheard, unseen, and alone.

That’s where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) comes in.

EFT is one of the most effective, research-based approaches to couples therapy. It helps partners:

-Rebuild emotional safety

-Break free from negative cycles

-Deepen their emotional connection

-Heal past wounds and restore trust

-Communicate with compassion and clarity

Kathryn is EFT-trained, with over 30 years of experience helping couples rediscover the strength of their bond. She blends warmth, clinical expertise, and insight to help you and your partner reconnect — even when things feel distant, uncertain, or painful.

If you’re ready to feel close again, let’s begin.
📞 Call or text: 210-592-8307
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