Kathryn Miller Therapy

10/07/2025

Next week, Kathryn will be traveling to Chicago to attend the Attachment and Forgiveness training with ChicagoEFT, presented by ICEEFT Trainers Natalia Gilabert and Sam Jinich, PhD, from Argentina.

This advanced program focuses on one of the most meaningful aspects of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): guiding couples through the process of repairing attachment injuries and finding a path toward forgiveness. It is a rare opportunity to learn directly from internationally recognized EFT leaders who bring both clinical expertise and cultural perspective to this important work.

Why This Training Matters for Her Clients:

*Advanced Skills in Healing: Kathryn will gain specialized tools for helping couples address relational wounds with compassion, structure, and clarity.

*Evidence-Based Approaches: Attachment and forgiveness interventions are grounded in decades of EFT research and practice, offering proven strategies for lasting change.

*Deeper Connection Work: By learning from experts, Kathryn will expand her ability to help partners move from cycles of hurt and disconnection to renewed safety and closeness.

*Commitment to Excellence: With over 30 years of experience and multiple certifications, Kathryn continues to pursue training that enriches her expertise and directly benefits the couples she serves.

This training is part of Kathryn’s lifelong dedication to learning, growing, and staying at the forefront of relationship therapy. She looks forward to bringing back fresh insights, renewed inspiration, and practical tools to strengthen the healing journey of every couple she works with.

📞210-592-8307 📧asst@kathrynmillertherapy.com
🌐kathrynmillertherapy.com

09/23/2025

From Conflict to Connection: EFT in Real Life

Arguments are a normal part of any relationship. Even the healthiest couples disagree, feel tension, and sometimes fall into the same old arguments that leave them exhausted. What matters most is not whether couples argue, but how they move through conflict. That is where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) comes in.

EFT provides a map for understanding conflict and a path toward rebuilding closeness. Couples who feel stuck in repeated cycles often find that therapy helps them recognize what is really happening beneath the surface. The goal is not to stop conflict altogether, but to help partners turn those hard moments into opportunities for deeper connection.

Why Conflict Feels So Hard

On the outside, conflict might look like two people arguing about chores, finances, or schedules. On the inside, though, something more vulnerable is taking place. Partners are often asking themselves: Am I important to you? Can I count on you? Do you really hear me?

When those questions feel unanswered, couples can get caught in a pattern of blame, withdrawal, or defensiveness. What looks like anger is often a signal of hurt or fear. Without realizing it, both partners may be reaching for reassurance in ways that push each other further apart.

How EFT Shifts the Pattern

EFT helps couples slow down and see these hidden needs more clearly. Instead of focusing only on the surface argument, therapy uncovers the softer emotions underneath. Partners begin to notice that:

• Anger often hides feelings of fear or sadness.

• Withdrawal can mean “I am afraid of making things worse.”

• Criticism may be an attempt to reach out, even if it comes out harshly.

By identifying these patterns, couples can shift from seeing each other as opponents to seeing the cycle as the problem. Once they recognize the cycle, they can begin to work together to change it.

What It Looks Like in Real Life

Here are a few generalized examples of how couples move from conflict to connection in EFT:

• From criticism to clarity: A partner who says, “You never listen to me” learns to express the deeper message: “I feel alone when I don’t know if you hear me.” This allows the other partner to respond with comfort instead of defensiveness.

• From silence to safety: A partner who shuts down during arguments begins to share what is happening inside: “I go quiet because I feel overwhelmed and afraid of losing you.” Instead of distance, the couple finds space for reassurance.

• From cycles to collaboration: Together, partners learn to recognize when they are stuck in the same old loop. Instead of blaming each other, they can pause, name the pattern, and shift toward being allies against the cycle.

The Outcome: Safety and Connection

As couples practice these new ways of relating, something powerful begins to happen. The once-painful conflicts start to feel less threatening. Arguments do not disappear, but they become opportunities to reconnect rather than moments of disconnection.

At the heart of EFT is the idea that relationships thrive when partners feel safe, valued, and emotionally connected. When couples move from conflict to connection, they rediscover the trust that allows them to grow together rather than drift apart.

Final Thoughts

EFT is not about quick fixes or avoiding hard conversations. It is about creating a safe space where partners can truly understand one another and respond with care. For many couples, this shift changes not only how they handle conflict, but how they experience love itself.

At Kathryn Miller Therapy, my goal is to help couples find that deeper connection. If you and your partner feel stuck in conflict or long to feel close again, I am ready to walk with you through the process. Healing and reconnection are possible, and I would be honored to help you take those steps together.

📞210-592-8307 📧asst@kathrynmillertherapy.com
🌐kathrynmillertherapy.com

09/18/2025

Reconnecting During Stressful Times

Life has a way of testing relationships. Work demands, family responsibilities, health concerns, financial pressure, and even the steady noise of the world around us can leave couples feeling drained. Stress does not just live in our minds and bodies. It often spills into our closest relationships, where partners may find themselves distant from one another even when they want nothing more than to feel close.

Why Stress Pulls Couples Apart

When people are under stress, their nervous system shifts into survival mode. This makes sense from a biological perspective, but it also means that the ability to connect emotionally may be reduced. Instead of reaching for one another, partners may become short-tempered, withdrawn, or distracted.

Research shows that high levels of stress are linked with lower relationship satisfaction (Randall & Bodenmann, 2009). The reason is not because couples care less during stressful seasons. It is because stress changes the way people communicate and respond. Words come out more sharply. Affection is delayed. Presence becomes harder to maintain.

EFT and the Power of Attachment

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) offers couples a framework for finding their way back to one another, even during times of intense stress. EFT is built on attachment theory, which emphasizes that humans are wired to seek comfort and safety in close relationships. In other words, needing to know that your partner is emotionally available is not a sign of weakness. It is part of how people are made.

When stress is high, those small attachment questions begin to surface: Are you here for me? Do I still matter to you? Will you stand with me in this? EFT helps couples notice these hidden questions and respond with reassurance rather than defensiveness.

Practical Ways to Reconnect

Reconnection does not require grand gestures. Often it is the small, intentional moments that make the difference. Here are several strategies couples can try during stressful times:

1. Slow down before reacting. If tension rises, take a moment to pause. A brief breath can create space to respond with care instead of frustration.

2. Check in daily. A simple five-minute conversation at the end of the day about what each partner felt and experienced can build closeness.

3. Respond to bids for attention. When your partner sighs, comments, or reaches out, lean in instead of brushing it off. These moments are opportunities to strengthen the bond.

4. Name the stress, not the partner. Try to frame the challenge as something you face together instead of something caused by one another. For example, “Work has me worn down” is different from “You never give me a break.”

5. Seek comfort in physical connection. A hug, holding hands, or sitting close can calm the nervous system and remind partners they are not alone.

Therapy as a Safe Space

Sometimes stress reaches a level where couples feel stuck in negative cycles. In these moments, therapy provides a safe space to slow down and truly hear each other. EFT helps partners express their underlying needs and fears while guiding them toward new ways of responding. Over time, many couples discover that therapy not only reduces conflict but deepens the sense of safety in their relationship.

Final Thoughts

Stress is part of life, but disconnection does not have to be. When couples understand how stress affects their bond, they can take intentional steps to restore closeness. Whether through small daily gestures or guided therapy sessions, the goal is the same: to remind one another that even in stressful times, love and connection can remain steady.

If you and your partner are feeling the weight of stress and want support in finding your way back to each other, therapy can help. At Kathryn Miller Therapy, couples discover how to reconnect, feel heard, and build a stronger foundation. I would be honored to walk alongside you in that process. Contact our office today for further information.

📞210-592-8307 🌐kathrynmillertherapy.com
📧asst@kathrynmillertherapy.com

09/10/2025

"Do I Matter to You?": Why Small Questions Carry Big Meaning

In every relationship, there are moments that seem small on the surface but carry a great deal of weight underneath. Questions like "Do you love me?," "Are you proud of me?," or "Do I matter to you?" are rarely about getting a quick yes or no. They are actually about something deeper: the human need to feel valued, safe, and emotionally connected.

Why We Ask Small Questions

When couples come into therapy, these types of questions often show up in subtle ways. One partner may wonder why the other does not notice their efforts, or why they feel alone even when they are sitting side by side. A comment like "Do you even care?" might sound sharp, but beneath it lies a longing for reassurance.

These questions are not signs of weakness. They are signals that a person is reaching out for connection. Relationship researcher Dr. Sue Johnson, who developed Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), often describes these moments as "attachment bids." They are attempts to confirm that our partner sees us, values us, and will be there when we need them (Johnson, 2008).

The Attachment Connection

EFT is grounded in attachment theory, which tells us that human beings are wired for closeness. From the time we are infants, our survival depends on whether caregivers respond to our needs. As adults, the same principle carries into our intimate relationships. We may no longer cry in a crib, but we still seek comfort, reassurance, and closeness with the person who matters most.

When a partner asks, "Do I matter to you?" they are really asking, "If I reach for you, will you respond? Am I safe with you?" These questions are a natural part of love. They remind us that even the strongest couples need moments of reassurance.

Why Small Questions Carry Big Meaning

It is easy to dismiss these questions as insecurity, but in truth they are central to building trust. The answer is less about words and more about the way partners respond. A warm look, a hand on the shoulder, or pausing to really listen can say far more than a casual "of course you matter."

When these moments of reaching out are met with openness, couples often feel more secure. When they are met with silence, criticism, or distraction, the opposite happens. Over time, missed responses can create distance and lead to the negative cycles that couples often find themselves stuck in.

How EFT Helps Couples Tune In

In EFT, the goal is not to eliminate conflict but to help couples recognize the need underneath their words. Instead of reacting to the surface question, partners learn to listen for the deeper meaning. That shift can turn an argument into an opportunity for closeness.

For example, when one partner says, "Do you even care that I am upset?" EFT helps the other partner hear what is really being asked: "I need to know you are with me right now." Couples often find that when they respond to the deeper need, the tension begins to soften, and connection grows.

Bringing It Into Everyday Life

You do not have to wait until therapy to practice this. In daily life, here are a few ways couples can respond when small but powerful questions arise:

-Pause and listen. Before jumping to defend yourself, try to hear what your partner is really asking.
-Respond with presence. Even a brief but genuine response can carry weight.
-Offer reassurance. Sometimes saying "Yes, you matter to me. I love you" is exactly what your partner needs to hear.
-Look for patterns. Notice if the same questions keep coming up. This may be a sign that reassurance and closeness are needed more often.

Final Thoughts

"Do I matter to you?" is not a question to brush aside. It is a doorway to understanding your partner's heart. EFT reminds us that love is not only about big gestures but about the small, everyday ways we reach for one another. When partners learn to recognize these bids for connection and respond with care, relationships often become stronger, more secure, and more fulfilling.

09/08/2025

09/01/2025

Every life matters. This month, we pause to honor those we have lost, to support those who are struggling, and to remind each other that hope and healing are possible. 💜💚

At Kathryn Miller Therapy, our mission is to create a safe, supportive space for couples and individuals to reconnect, rebuild, and find strength together. No one should have to walk through darkness alone.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. Help is here. 💙

📞 988 – Su***de & Crisis Lifeline (available 24/7, call or text)

08/26/2025

What Makes EFT Different from Other Couples Therapies?

Choosing the Right Kind of Couples Therapy

If you are considering couples therapy, it can be overwhelming to figure out which approach is right for you. From CBT and the Gottman Method to Imago and solution-focused models, there are several well-known methods that therapists use to support relationships.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) stands out in meaningful ways. It is one of the most research-supported, emotionally deep, and relationship-centered models available today — and it is different not just in technique, but in what it aims to heal.

Let’s take a closer look at what makes EFT unique and why it may be the right fit for couples who want more than just surface-level change.

Rooted in Emotion and Attachment

At the heart of EFT is a very simple truth: human beings are wired for connection. EFT is grounded in attachment theory, which means it focuses on the emotional bonds that form between people in close relationships. These bonds are not just about love or compatibility. They are about safety, trust, and the ability to turn to one another when life gets hard.

Other models often focus on behavior or communication. EFT goes deeper. It helps couples understand the emotional needs behind those behaviors and creates space for vulnerability — the kind of vulnerability that strengthens a relationship over time.

In short, EFT is not about teaching couples how to argue more politely. It's about helping them feel safe enough to say, "I miss you," or "I’m scared you are pulling away," or "I need to know you are here with me."

The Focus Is not on Skills — It is on Connection

Some therapy models teach communication skills, like using “I” statements or setting time limits on arguments. These can be helpful, but they do not always get to the root of what is happening.

EFT helps partners identify the emotional patterns that keep them stuck — often without them realizing it. For example:

• One partner feels alone or rejected and starts criticizing to get a response.
• The other partner feels attacked and pulls away to protect themselves.
• Over time, this becomes a cycle that plays out again and again, no matter what the issue is on the surface.

Instead of focusing only on solving problems or improving communication techniques, EFT helps couples understand why these cycles happen, and how to reach for each other in new, emotionally safe ways.

A Clear, Research-Based Process

EFT follows a specific structure with three clear stages:

1. De-escalation: Identifying the cycle and understanding each partner’s role in it, without blame.
2. Restructuring interactions: Creating new, emotionally open conversations where needs can be expressed and heard.
3. Consolidation: Helping the couple solidify their new patterns so they can keep growing together outside of therapy.

This process doesn’t just offer temporary relief. It builds a strong foundation for long-term connection.

According to research, around 70 to 75 percent of couples who complete EFT move from distress to recovery. About 90 percent report significant improvement. These are powerful numbers, especially for couples in crisis.

It is Not About Who is Right or Wrong

One of the most healing aspects of EFT is that it removes the idea of a "bad guy." Instead of keeping score or pointing fingers, EFT helps couples see how both people are caught in a pattern that neither one wants to be in.

This shift in perspective often brings a huge sense of relief. It creates space for empathy and understanding, which are both essential for reconnection.

EFT Works for All Kinds of Relationships

EFT has been shown to help:

• Couples recovering from betrayal or infidelity
• Long-term partners who feel more like roommates than lovers
• Newlyweds struggling with early adjustments
• Parents overwhelmed by the stress of raising children
• LGBTQ+ couples navigating identity and connection
• Individuals who want to explore emotional patterns on their own (EFT is also used in individual and family therapy)

It is flexible, adaptive, and focused on what matters most: emotional security.

Final Thoughts

All couples experience moments of distance, frustration, or misunderstanding. What makes the difference is how they respond to those moments.

EFT provides a map — one that guides couples out of disconnection and into deeper trust, intimacy, and emotional closeness.

If you are feeling stuck and wondering if there is more to your relationship than constant conflict or quiet disconnection, EFT may offer the path forward you have been hoping for.

📞210-592-8307 📧asst@kathrynmillertherapy.com

08/25/2025

Start your healing journey with Kathryn today. 📞210-592-8307

08/21/2025

📞210-592-8307
📧asst@kathrynmillertherapy.com

08/18/2025

How Emotionally Focused Therapy Helps After Infidelity

Infidelity: Can a Relationship Really Heal?

When trust is broken in a relationship, especially through infidelity, it can feel like everything is falling apart. Betrayal cuts deep. It creates a storm of emotions: anger, sadness, fear, confusion. For many couples, it shakes the very foundation of what once felt safe and secure.

But here is something important to know: healing is possible. Many couples not only survive infidelity but come out stronger on the other side — with deeper understanding, greater emotional intimacy, and a new way of connecting.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can play a powerful role in that healing process.

What is EFT, and Why Is It So Effective After Betrayal?

EFT is a structured, research-backed form of couples therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. It is based on the science of adult attachment. In simple terms, that means it focuses on how we connect, how we respond to each other emotionally, and what happens when those bonds feel threatened.

In the aftermath of infidelity, emotions are usually intense and overwhelming. EFT offers a clear and compassionate path through that emotional chaos. Rather than focusing on surface-level problem solving, it helps couples reach the emotional core of what happened — and why.

Three Stages of EFT After Infidelity

EFT works in stages. That structure is especially helpful when trust has been broken. Here is how it typically unfolds:

1. Stabilization and Emotional Safety

This first stage is about calming the emotional storm. The betrayed partner may feel grief, rage, or deep hurt. The partner who strayed may feel shame, guilt, or fear.

Instead of rushing past the pain, EFT creates a space where both partners can be heard and supported without blame. The goal is not immediate forgiveness. It is about understanding each person’s emotional experience and beginning to rebuild a sense of emotional safety.

2. Understanding the Deeper Patterns

Infidelity does not usually come out of nowhere. It is often tied to emotional disconnection or needs that have not been expressed. That does not excuse the betrayal, but understanding why the relationship was vulnerable can help couples begin to heal.

EFT explores the emotional patterns that were happening beneath the surface. Were there unspoken feelings of rejection? Was one partner reaching out but not being seen? This part of the process helps both partners reflect on the roles they played and recognize the emotional dance they were caught in.

3. Reconnection and Repair

Once safety and understanding are in place, the couple can begin to reconnect in a new way. This stage is about creating a more honest, secure, and emotionally responsive connection.

Many couples describe this part of EFT as the moment they finally feel seen and understood. Not just surviving infidelity but beginning to thrive again. For many, it becomes the start of a new chapter — one that is built on honesty, emotional safety, and deeper connection.

EFT Isn’t About Rushing Forgiveness

One of the most important things to know is that EFT does not pressure the hurt partner to forgive. And it is not about helping one partner “get over it” for the sake of moving on.

EFT holds space for both partners. It honors the pain and grief, while also helping the couple understand each other more deeply. Healing is never rushed. It happens at the pace that feels right for both people.

When EFT May Not Be the Right Fit

EFT is powerful, but it is not a magic fix. If one partner is still involved in the betrayal, is unwilling to be honest, or is not open to the process, therapy may not be enough to move the relationship forward.

For EFT to work, both partners need to be engaged in the process and willing to do the work.

Final Thoughts

Infidelity can feel like the end — but it does not have to be. With the right support, couples can grow, reconnect, and rebuild something even stronger.

If you and your partner are navigating the aftermath of betrayal and wondering if healing is possible, EFT can offer a clear and compassionate path forward. You do not have to walk it alone.

Kathryn Miller Therapy
📞210-592-8307