03/16/2021
All The Feels!
Looking for new ways to interpret your feelings? Check out my first blog (more to come)!
As we all enter the second year of this pandemic and deal with ongoing COVID fatigue, how do we emerge and process our feelings after a year unlike any other?
Have you found yourself afraid, angry, tired or just generally confused about how to move forward? Are there times when you have thought: “What am I even feeling right now!?”
You, my friend, are not alone. So many currently are struggling with at times overwhelming stressors in life. Basic health and safety, isolation, how to parent or partner during COVID. The list goes on and on.
Are feelings loud signals from an overburdened body and brain? Partially, yes! Being sleep deprived, stressed, overworked and undernourished can amplify anyone’s feelings. Basic self-care is critical for everyone. However, sometimes feelings continue to return that will not go away and cannot be avoided or suppressed.
Understanding the difference between primary and secondary feelings can be helpful.
Primary feelings are universally recognized as: fear, love, joy, hurt/pain, shame, guilt etc.
Secondary feelings are noted as: stressed, angry, sad, tired, bored etc.
Someone who often states they are angry may underneath feel hurt or afraid. While another who states they are stressed may be feeling underlying shame.
Have you noticed it is easy to tell someone “I’m tired”, instead of saying “I’m afraid about my future and ashamed of a mistake I made”? The first statement would be socially accepted by most people. The second more honest statement is quite vulnerable and personal. Having a close, trusted friend to share primary feelings with can provide significant relief. Give yourself permission to share vulnerable feelings with those you trust, this can increase intimacy and reciprocity in the relationship.
Another way to look at feelings is how they can be beneficial:
Anger can be channeled to energy, strength and assertiveness.
Fear can lead to wisdom, preservation and protection.
Hurt/pain can lead to healing, growth and awareness.
Shame can bring out humility and humanity.
Guilt can lead to making amends or improving one’s values.
Some cultural and religious traditions have no distinction between negative or positive feelings. All feelings are considered valid and to be learned from. Perhaps this type of attitude will allow many of us the freedom to not judge our own feelings, and perhaps accept them and learn from them.
