03/19/2023
What is “destructive conditioning”?
Shahida Arabi, MA explains that, “Toxic people respond to your strengths, talents, and happy memories with abuse, frustration, and disrespect. They use what I call ‘destructive conditioning’ to get you to associate your happiest moments, interests, passions, and dreams with their cruel and callous punishment. This is a form of what psychologists call positive punishment — the addition of averse consequences to prevent your goal-directed behavior. As you are repeatedly punished for achieving, you begin a pattern of negative reinforcement, where you avoid the very goals that you have been conditioned to associate with the narcissist’s punishment to gain a sense of safety or relief from their backlash. Like Pavlov’s dogs, you’re ‘trained’ over time to become afraid of doing the very things that once made your life happy and fulfilling, all while being isolated from your friends and family which makes you emotionally and financially dependent on the toxic person.”
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“Once the honeymoon phase (love-bombing) is over they will covertly and overtly put down the qualities and traits they once idealized. They will kick you off the pedestal they created and devalue you.”
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Excerpt from Toxicity Playbook — The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Dealing with Toxic People by Shahida Arabi, MA.
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If you are struggling to identify if you are in a toxic cycle of abuse, look for the helpers and reach out. We see you and we are here to help. 💜
