Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, LMFT

Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, LMFT Seeing a therapist doesn't mean you are flawed. Sometimes we just need a new set of tools.

When people think about building deep trust in a relationship, they usuallythink about the big things like transparency,...
05/29/2026

When people think about building deep trust in a relationship, they usually
think about the big things like transparency, fidelity, and major life commitments.

But true emotional trust is actually built in the tiny, everyday micro-moments. It’s built in how you respond when your partner sighs across the room, or how you handle a minor disagreement in
the kitchen.

In the Gottman Method, we use the acronym A.T.T.U.N.E. as a roadmap for showing up when it matters most. It’s a checklist for emotional connection:

A - Awareness: Noticing when your partner’s mood shifts.
T - Turning Toward: Choosing to engage with their small bids for connection.
T - Tolerance: Accepting that your partner can see things differently than you do, and both of your perspectives are valid.
U - Understanding: Resisting the urge to “fix” it, and just trying to see their side first.
N - Non-Defensive Listening: Choosing to stay curious instead of furious when things get tense.
E - Empathy:Validating their feelings so they feel entirely less alone.

You don’t have to master all six of these perfectly by tonight. True attunement is a practice, not a perfection game. Pick just one letter to focus on with your partner today and watch how it changes the dynamic

Gottman Method Therapy, San Diego Couples Therapy, Relationships, The Relationship Place

If you’ve ever avoided couples therapy because you pictured sitting acrossfrom a stone-faced, silent clinician with a cl...
05/27/2026

If you’ve ever avoided couples therapy because you pictured sitting across
from a stone-faced, silent clinician with a clipboard... let’s bust that myth right now.

There is a beautiful trend floating around social media right now about the special dynamic between a therapist and a client. It talks about how your therapist thinks about you, roots for you, and genuinely holds joy for you outside of your 50-minute session.

And as a therapist, I want you to know: it is completely true. 🤍

If you’ve ever sat across from me or any of our clinicians at The Relationship Place, this photo is exactly what it looks like when you share a personal win with us.

We leave the cold, blank-slate, stone-faced persona at the door because true relational healing requires real human connection. And being a real human means that when you come into session and tell us that you successfully set a difficult boundary and stuck to it, we are smiling right back at you.

When you have a massive breakthrough, when you finally acknowledge your own growth, or when you successfully navigate the complex “spaghetti” of life and come out feeling empowered we are genuinely, deeply proud of you.

At The Relationship Place, we see you as a whole person. We don’t just hold space for your heavy moments; we are right there in your corner celebrating your victories, too.

Couples rarely “sabotage” therapy because they don’t care. More often, they’re protecting themselves from shame, vulnera...
05/26/2026

Couples rarely “sabotage” therapy because they don’t care. More often, they’re protecting themselves from shame, vulnerability, disappointment, or the fear that nothing will ever change.

Recently, I taught a training through CAMFT and the Gottman Institute on collusion in couples therapy and some of the biggest takeaways were:

“Many couples unknowingly become more focused on protecting themselves than understanding each other.”

“Not because they don’t care. But because shame makes curiosity incredibly hard.”

“Good couples therapy isn’t a courtroom. The therapist isn’t there to hand down a verdict.”

“Most people are not trying to sabotage therapy. They’re trying to protect themselves from pain.”

New blog now live on the ways couples can unknowingly get stuck in therapy and what actually helps.


EmotionalConnection CouplesCou

There’s a massive misconception that couples therapy always has to be heavy and intense.But if you look at the actual da...
05/23/2026

There’s a massive misconception that couples therapy always has to be heavy and intense.
But if you look at the actual data, what separates the relationship “masters” from the “disasters” is a lot of lightness and laughter.
In the Gottman world, affectionate humor and shared inside jokes are what we call ‘repair attempts.’ They act like an emotional circuit breaker to stop an
argument from escalating, instantly introducing physiological soothing into your relationship.
A shared laugh literally lowers your heart rate and signals safety to your nervous system, making it biologically possible to use logic and empathy again.

Just remember, it has to be shared. Sarcasm predicts divorce, but laughing together builds lasting connection.

So don’t leave your humor at the door. If you want to change how you fight, sometimes you need to start by choosing a little more lightness.

Check out our website to explore how we help couples find their way back to that connection

A little snapshot from my desk during an incredible past few weeks!At the end of April, I stepped back into the educator...
05/21/2026

A little snapshot from my desk during an incredible past few weeks!

At the end of April, I stepped back into the educator seat for The Gottman Institute, leading a specialized webinar for clinicians on commitment, betrayal, and modern relationship dynamics.

It’s been a fast-moving, deeply fulfilling ride ever since. I immediately went from the webinar to hosting a booth and Speaking at the annual CAMFT Conference. Then right after that I’ve been working with some wonderful couples through intensive therapy breakthroughs. And in the midst
of all that I got to celebrate a beautiful personal milestone in my own world.

Thank you to everyone- clients, peers, and friends, who continue to support this work and grow alongside me!

“Hey, look at that dog on the porch!”If you’ve been scrolling through social media lately, you’ve probably heard of the ...
05/20/2026

“Hey, look at that dog on the porch!”

If you’ve been scrolling through social media lately, you’ve probably heard of the viral “Bird Test.” The theory goes that if you point out a random bird outside to your partner, their reaction determines the health of your relationship. If they look, they pass. If they ignore you, they fail.

But did you know this internet trend is actually rooted in decades of clinical research?
Long before it was a TikTok trend, Dr. John Gottman called this a bid for connection. A comment about a bird (or a cute dog like Windsor hanging out on the porch) isn’t actually about the bird or the dog. It’s an understated attempt to get your partner’s attention, validation, or
affection. It’s a tiny request that says,
“Hey, look at this with me. Connect with me for a second.

According to Gottman’s research, partners who thrive respond by turning toward the bid. They look out the window, they acknowledge the dog, they engage in your world. Partners who are
struggling tend to turn away, ignore it, or respond with hostility.

Windsor is a walking, barking reminder that secure attachment isn’t built on grand, expensive gestures. It’s built on the porch. It’s built in the kitchen, or on the couch, or in the car. It’s built in the 15-second micro-moments where we choose to acknowledge each other’s bids.

You don’t need a bird to test your relationship health today. Just look for your partner’s subtle bids, and choose to turn toward them.

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭... 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐝.We often wait for things to “feel” easy before we think we’re ...
05/17/2026

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭... 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐝.
We often wait for things to “feel” easy before we think we’re doing it right. But the truth is, a strong partnership isn’t something you simply find- it’s something you build through consistent,
intentional action.

At The Relationship Place, we see it every day: the couples who thrive aren’t the ones who never fight; they’re the ones who have committed to the practice of connection. It’s a muscle
that needs to be worked, especially when life gets noisy.

Here is what that “practice” looks like:
💬 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: Choosing to understand before you seek to be understood.
🙏 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞: Intentionally scanning for what your partner is doing right instead of what they’re doing wrong.
🌱 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫: Making the first move to reconnect after a disconnect, even when it feels hard.

Let’s trade the pressure of “perfection” for the freedom of “practice”. It’s about progress, curiosity, and the willingness to keep showing up for each other.

Which of these are you “practicing” this week? Let’s hear it in the comments.


HealthyConnections GottmanMethod LoveIsAVerb SanDiegoTherapy

For a long time, there’s been a collective pressure on women to hit certain milestones by a specific timeline. But what ...
05/16/2026

For a long time, there’s been a collective pressure on women to hit certain milestones by a specific timeline. But what happens when you step into parenthood later in life? You bring a version of yourself that is grounded, intentional, and clear on what actually matters.

As I shared in the article, women in their 40s are often less pulled between who they are as individuals and who they are as mothers. That internal conflict to constantly “get it right” begins to soften. You have a stronger sense of self, more clarity, and most importantly more permission to want a full life.

Parenthood in midlife isn’t about trying to do things the exact same way you would have in your twenties. It’s about recognizing that who you are right now brings a completely different, deeply beautiful perspective to the table. It’s not about doing more; it’s about how you show up.

There is no single model for what motherhood should look like, and embracing that truth creates so much more freedom than fear. Give yourself permission to define this stage on your own terms. 🤍

Head to the link in my bio to read the full article by Lisa Mulcahy and explore all the wonderful benefits of raising a family in midlife!

good housekeeping feature dr dana mcneil midlife motherhood parenting in your 40s maternal mental health marriage and family therapist relationship expert insights motherhood journey late in life parenting self clarity and growth original parenting advice modern family dynamics maternal wellbeing

When life gets busy, it’s often the smallest habits that keep a relationship grounded. Rituals of Connection aren’t abou...
05/15/2026

When life gets busy, it’s often the smallest habits that keep a relationship grounded.
Rituals of Connection aren’t about grand gestures; they are the reliable rhythms that ensure you both feel seen, heard, and prioritized every single day.

By creating intentional space, like a morning coffee without phones or a consistent goodnight gesture, you signal to your partner that they are your top priority, no matter how loud the rest of
the world gets.

Swipe through to learn how to design and protect rituals that evolve with your relationship.

What is one small ritual you and your partner swear by? Let us know in the comments!


CouplesTherapy MarriageAdvice HealthyRelationships Connection
TherapyTips

I’m often asked if Jeffrey and I practice what we preach. The answer is yes, but it isn’t always easy.Even as therapists...
05/14/2026

I’m often asked if Jeffrey and I practice what we preach. The answer is yes, but it isn’t always easy.

Even as therapists, we have to be incredibly intentional about stepping out of our roles as co-workers and therapists to just be us. We recently spent the afternoon at Balboa Park, and it was such a grounding reminder that sometimes, the best way to change your dynamic is to change your scenery.

This is exactly why we host our Couples Therapy Getaways here in San Diego. A standard therapy session is great, but an intensive retreat allows you to leave the “noise” of home behind and do a year’s worth of work in just a few days.

Whether you’re a San Diego local or you’re flying in to do a getaway with us, here is a little “reconnection” date idea guide to the city:

A Balboa Park Slow-Down:
Wander through the Prado and grab a coffee or drink at one of the unique spots amongst the museums. It’s the perfect spot for those deep, “dreaming” conversations.

The Sunset Cliffs Perspective:
There is nothing like a Pacific sunset to help you feel like you’re on the same team again. It’s our favorite spot for a long, tech-free walk.

The Little Italy Spark:
If your relationship feels like it’s on “autopilot, “ go get lost in Little
Italy. Trying a new restaurant together is one of the easiest ways to spark a sense of adventure and play.

San Diego isn’t just where we work; it’s the place we use to keep our own bond strong.

✨ Ready to hit the reset button on your relationship? Reach out to learn more about our Intensive Couples Therapy Getaways.
Let’s get you back to center.

Marriage Intensive
TheRelationshipPlace San Diego Date Night Intentional Marriage

Mother’s Day is a beautiful celebration, but for many, it is a day that carries a lot of 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝗅𝖾𝗑𝗂𝗍𝗒.We want to hold spac...
05/10/2026

Mother’s Day is a beautiful celebration, but for many, it is a day that carries a lot of 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝗅𝖾𝗑𝗂𝗍𝗒.

We want to hold space for the full spectrum of what today might feel like for you. We see you and we honor where you are today:
To the moms celebrating with their 𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗅𝖽𝗋𝖾𝗇- may your day be filled with connection.
To the 𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗉-𝗆𝗈𝗆𝗌, 𝖿𝗈𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗆𝗈𝗆𝗌, and 𝖺𝖽𝗈𝗉𝗍𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗆𝗌 navigating your vital roles.
To those 𝗀𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 a loss, or the relationship with a mother you deserved but didn’t have.
To those waiting, hoping, and 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗀𝗀𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 on the path to motherhood.
To the 𝗉𝖾𝗍 𝗆𝗈𝗆𝗌 who provide so much love and care.

Your feelings are valid. You don’t have to “pick one” emotion today. You are allowed to feel the warmth of the day and the weight of the struggle at the exact same time.


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Address

2729 4th Avenue, Suite 2
San Diego, CA
92103

Opening Hours

Monday 9am - 9pm
Tuesday 9am - 9pm
Wednesday 9am - 9pm
Thursday 9am - 9pm
Friday 9am - 7pm
Saturday 9am - 5pm
Sunday 9am - 5pm

Telephone

+16195358890

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