Sally LeBoy, Marriage Family Therapist

Hi and welcome to my page. I'm a Marriage and Family therapist specializing in couple's issues. Thi

Operating as usual

11/30/2022
11/10/2022



"How can we tell if someone is not safe for us?

If you are naturally a sensitive and empathic person, you are more vulnerable to being taken advantage of by unsafe people because you tend to be more trusting and forgiving. Unfortunately, this may leave you feeling depleted and feed into your insecurities. Unsafe people may be good people at heart, but they may not be good for you right now because they’re dealing with their own insecurities and struggles that might be projected onto you.

This is not an exhaustive list of traits, but overall, unsafe people usually see themselves as superior to others and refuse to own up to their negative qualities. We cannot change others unless they want to be changed, but we also should not blame ourselves for how other people treat us. What we can do is become aware of unsafe personality traits (in others and in ourselves) that promote dysfunctional relationships.

No one is perfect. No one is completely safe. But when a person’s unsafe traits outweigh their safe traits, it is time to re-evaluate your boundaries in that relationship or even consider distancing yourself as you see best."

11/04/2022

Sometimes we have to face the pain. I can help.

10/25/2022

Infidelity may be a result of too much distance or even too much closeness in the primary relationship. A relationship can feel too distant or too smothering and the presence of a third person can be a way to relieve that tension. If neither partner is addressing the quality of the connection, the stage is set for transgressing the fidelity boundary. Lack of attention to the quality of the primary relationship can also manifest as too much internet involvement in chat rooms or on p**n sites, and that increases distance and the likelihood of an affair. Finally, there is often a history of infidelity in the families of origin. Whatever the cause, there is almost always denial about getting caught, and certainly denial as to the enormity of the emotional destruction to the primary relationship.

Please contact me if you want to discuss any issues in your relationship.

10/18/2022

Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make healthy choices. Are you in need of a tune-up? I can help.

10/13/2022

Only you can tell your story.

10/11/2022

Looking to talk to someone in this challenging time? I do phone consultations! I can help with any issues.

07/08/2022

Trying to make everyone happy impacts you most of all!

He Slept With Me and Now Wants To Be Friends - 4 Experts Reveal Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love 03/20/2021

He Slept With Me and Now Wants To Be Friends - 4 Experts Reveal Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love

“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”

~ Mandy Hale

https://deepsoulfullove.com/he-slept-with-me-and-now-wants-to-be-friends/

He Slept With Me and Now Wants To Be Friends - 4 Experts Reveal Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love He slept with me and now wants to be friends; this may be the inner narrative that keeps replaying in your head. How did this happen? How did I get here? Am I not worth a relationship? To begin to answer these questions and process your current “situation”, let’s start from the beginning. Yes,...

Is He Worth It? - 4 Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love 03/05/2021

Is He Worth It? - 4 Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love

We all know that nobody will be perfect (including us!) and that nobody gets everything they want out of a relationship. So how do you know if you are giving up too much in order to make a relationship work?
https://deepsoulfullove.com/is-he-worth-it/

Is He Worth It? - 4 Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love Typically, when clients walk into my office questioning “is this relationship worth it?” there are a few themes that arise. While they can identify that fighting often and the lack of trust in their partner makes them question the future of the relationship, those themes usually aren’t enough ...

I Like Him But I'm Scared of a Relationship - 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love 02/27/2021

I Like Him But I'm Scared of a Relationship - 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love

It’s somewhat paradoxical that no matter how much we think we want a relationship, when the opportunity is there, we often get cold feet.
https://deepsoulfullove.com/i-like-him-but-im-scared-of-a-relationship/

I Like Him But I'm Scared of a Relationship - 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love Fear is part of the human condition. and we will all experience it at times, especially when it comes to emotional risk. There’s nothing more scary than liking or loving someone, putting your heart out there, and being vulnerable. Fear of intimacy is a very common issue. We don’t want to open ou...

He Doesn't Initiate Contact But Always Responds - 8 Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love 02/25/2021

He Doesn't Initiate Contact But Always Responds - 8 Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love

Suggest telling him that you need him to initiate contact sometimes because when he doesn’t you wonder if he’s actually interested in you

https://deepsoulfullove.com/he-doesnt-initiate-contact-but-always-responds/

He Doesn't Initiate Contact But Always Responds - 8 Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love It’s ok to be direct Communication is something that needs to be addressed regularly in a relationship, whether or not it’s going well. Texting, calling, and even emailing are certainly some topics to include in this conversation. Being direct and honest without being aggressive/passive-aggressi...

Do I Like Him Or Am I Just Lonely? – 7 Experts Reveal Exactly How To Distinguish Between the Two - Deep Soulful Love 02/23/2021

Do I Like Him Or Am I Just Lonely? – 7 Experts Reveal Exactly How To Distinguish Between the Two - Deep Soulful Love

Think of it like food. If you are starving, you’ll eat anything. As you begin to feel sated, you get pickier. That’s how it is with men.
https://deepsoulfullove.com/do-i-like-him-or-am-i-just-lonely/

Do I Like Him Or Am I Just Lonely? – 7 Experts Reveal Exactly How To Distinguish Between the Two - Deep Soulful Love The quality of our relationships has a direct impact on our mental health and well-being. You have noticed this if you have ever been in an unhealthy relationship of any kind and found that it has changed how you view yourself. When single people come into my office and speak about their dates I pay...

How To Tell Him To Commit or Leave - 8 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Communication Tips + Strategies - Deep Soulful Love 02/22/2021

How To Tell Him To Commit or Leave - 8 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Communication Tips + Strategies - Deep Soulful Love

Commit or leave? You need to ask yourself if your need for a commitment comes from a place of confidence and certainty about the quality of the relationship, or if it comes from anxiety that if you don’t get that commitment the relationship might fall apart.

https://deepsoulfullove.com/how-to-tell-him-to-commit-or-leave/

How To Tell Him To Commit or Leave - 8 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Communication Tips + Strategies - Deep Soulful Love Let’s say you are seeing someone for a while and are ready to make a commitment. The problem is that you don’t know where he stands or if he is in the same place as you. Obviously, you do not want to waste your time with someone whose long-term goal is out of sync with yours. At some point, you ...

Is He Losing Interest Or Am I Just Paranoid? - 6 Relationship Experts Share Their Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love 11/28/2020

Is He Losing Interest Or Am I Just Paranoid? - 6 Relationship Experts Share Their Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love

We are individuals as well as partners and there are times in our individual lives when we are less available to the relationship. https://deepsoulfullove.com/is-he-losing-interest-or-am-i-just-paranoid/

Is He Losing Interest Or Am I Just Paranoid? - 6 Relationship Experts Share Their Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love This is a very important question and can be somewhat complex. The first way I would address this is by asking you the following questions: “What are you noticing in your relationship that is concerning or different?” “What has changed that is bringing up concerns?”

He Wants a Break, How Long Should I Give Him? - 3 Relationship Experts Share Their Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love 11/23/2020

He Wants a Break, How Long Should I Give Him? - 3 Relationship Experts Share Their Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love

Maybe I’m being overly cynical, but I think that when someone tells you they want a “break” they are too afraid to just say that they want to break up. https://deepsoulfullove.com/he-wants-a-break-how-long-should-i-give-him/

He Wants a Break, How Long Should I Give Him? - 3 Relationship Experts Share Their Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love If you are in a relationship and you suddenly find yourself questioning whether he loves you or not, consider some of these factors when processing such an important question. Let’s start at the beginning of a relationship. Most relationships begin with a mutual physical connection and attraction ...

My Boyfriend is Very Blunt - What Should I Do? - 5 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love 11/20/2020

My Boyfriend is Very Blunt - What Should I Do? - 5 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love

Asking somebody to make a change starts with personal ownership of the problem, rather than blame.
https://deepsoulfullove.com/my-boyfriend-is-very-blunt/

My Boyfriend is Very Blunt - What Should I Do? - 5 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love If your boyfriend is very blunt and ends up hurting your feelings regularly, here are some tips on helping him express himself more sensitively as well as understanding why he responds bluntly. First off, do you understand why your boyfriend is so blunt?

He Stopped Texting Me After We Slept Together - 4 Experts Reveal Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love 11/16/2020

He Stopped Texting Me After We Slept Together - 4 Experts Reveal Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love

I’ve often counseled women to take it slowly before they become physically intimate. https://deepsoulfullove.com/he-stopped-texting-me-after-we-slept-together/

He Stopped Texting Me After We Slept Together - 4 Experts Reveal Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love First of all, I call texting “fake communication” and of course it has become the favorite way of communicating for so many people. Texting should be reserved to communicate time changes, meeting changes, etc., and it should NEVER be used to have a deep conversation with someone. We humans have ...

He Loves Me But Wants To Date Others - What Should I Do? - 5 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love 11/14/2020

He Loves Me But Wants To Date Others - What Should I Do? - 5 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love

Most women would assume that when their partner says that he loves them, he is signing on for a committed and monogamous relationship. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable assumption.

Probably in the majority of cases that would be the case. So, when he says he loves you but tells you he still wants to date other women, you might understandably be confused if not downright suspicious.

https://deepsoulfullove.com/he-loves-me-but-wants-to-date-others/

He Loves Me But Wants To Date Others - What Should I Do? - 5 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights - Deep Soulful Love As a woman you must be smart and clear about the type of man you are looking for. Take your time to meet the right people, and to evaluate whether the guy you want to date has a similar mindset as yours. Here are some tips to help you in this process.

Is He Pulling Away or Breaking Up? - 3 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love 09/18/2020

Is He Pulling Away or Breaking Up? - 3 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love

Taking the relationship temperature really should start with you.

How do you feel about the quality of the current relationship?
Do you feel satisfied or does it feel off?
If it feels off to you it could feel off to him too and it’s probably time for a conversation. If it’s off enough for you to be wondering if he’s breaking up with you, the conversation is long overdue.

https://deepsoulfullove.com/is-he-pulling-away-or-breaking-up/

Is He Pulling Away or Breaking Up? - 3 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love Does it feel like he just isn’t that into you? Have things shifted since you first started dating? It can be scary, talking about your relationship status. We often shy away, fearing vulnerability. Moreover, fearing rejection. We sit in our anxiety. We hope, we pray, we talk to friends, trying to ...

Emotionally Compatible But Not Sexually? - 4 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love 07/22/2020

Emotionally Compatible But Not Sexually? - 4 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love

You may need to seek the help of a therapist or if the spark was always missing, you may want to reconsider the relationship.

https://deepsoulfullove.com/emotionally-compatible-but-not-s*xually/

Emotionally Compatible But Not Sexually? - 4 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love In relationships, emotional and physical connection go hand in hand. That is why it can feel frustrating and confusing when you feel close to your partner yet still encounter s*xual issues. The question of whether you are s*xually compatible with your partner is more nuanced than you might think, an...

Relationship Expectations - 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly How To Set and Discuss Expectations in Your Relationship - Deep Soulful Love 07/01/2020

Relationship Expectations - 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly How To Set and Discuss Expectations in Your Relationship - Deep Soulful Love

Respect and honesty are expectations that every woman should have as these are the foundations for any kind of relationship no matter the duration. https://deepsoulfullove.com/relationship-expectations/

Relationship Expectations - 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly How To Set and Discuss Expectations in Your Relationship - Deep Soulful Love Love is defined differently by everyone. For many, love is a feeling of deep connectedness. For others, love is an elusive prize which needs to be contained and controlled. One version may elicit joy and comfort while the other frequently causes anxiety and discomfort. Either way, figuring it out ma...

Why Do I Feel Like I Need To Be in a Relationship To Be Happy - 4 Relationship Experts Reveal the Real Reasons Behind Why You Feel this Way - Deep Soulful Love 06/26/2020

Why Do I Feel Like I Need To Be in a Relationship To Be Happy - 4 Relationship Experts Reveal the Real Reasons Behind Why You Feel this Way - Deep Soulful Love

Almost everyone wants to be in a relationship.

It’s a human need, and of course our species depends for survival on relationships. It takes two to tango! That being said, it’s not always possible to be in a relationship, so it’s important to be able to be alone and relatively happy for periods of time.
https://deepsoulfullove.com/why-do-i-feel-like-i-need-to-be-in-a-relationship-to-be-happy/

Why Do I Feel Like I Need To Be in a Relationship To Be Happy - 4 Relationship Experts Reveal the Real Reasons Behind Why You Feel this Way - Deep Soulful Love Are you able to feel happy both in a relationship and outside of a relationship? This is an important question. If you do not experience pleasure, satisfaction, peace, tranquility, and positive self-regard unless you are in a relationship with another person, you might believe that the only option f...

Addicted To Drama in Relationships? - 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly Why You Attract Drama and Chaos in Your Relationships - Deep Soulful Love 06/19/2020

Addicted To Drama in Relationships? - 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly Why You Attract Drama and Chaos in Your Relationships - Deep Soulful Love

You need to begin a process of training yourself to value relationships in a very different way, based not on your feelings but on your thoughts.

https://deepsoulfullove.com/addicted-to-drama-in-relationships/

Addicted To Drama in Relationships? - 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly Why You Attract Drama and Chaos in Your Relationships - Deep Soulful Love What’s this drama all about? There are many circumstances involved in how we respond to disconnect in our relationships. Two key factors include our early role models of relationship conflict and our inherent personality.

How To Overcome the Push Pull Relationship - 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love 06/13/2020

How To Overcome the Push Pull Relationship - 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

~ Brené Brown

https://deepsoulfullove.com/how-to-overcome-the-push-pull-relationship/

How To Overcome the Push Pull Relationship - 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love Oftentimes, we get stuck in a pattern with our partners in which one of us pursues (seeks connection, but not always through a positive manner) and the other withdraws or distances due to feeling criticized, overwhelmed, or lacking in personal space. Women are often stereotyped as pursuers, whereas....

I Slept With Him Too Soon Now What? - 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love 05/17/2020

I Slept With Him Too Soon Now What? - 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love

You can’t undo the past; you can only go forward.

I suggest that you have a conversation with the man to see if he would also like something more.

https://deepsoulfullove.com/i-slept-with-him-too-soon-now-what/

I Slept With Him Too Soon Now What? - 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love You slept with him too soon… Now what? Ask yourself why you did it. Did he pressure you? Was there so much chemistry that you couldn’t stop yourself? Were you trying to hook him with s*x? Do you have a problem with alcohol or drugs? Once you understand your motives and actions, then you can deci...

I Have a Boyfriend But I Love My Ex - A Relationship Expert Shares Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love 04/18/2020

I Have a Boyfriend But I Love My Ex - A Relationship Expert Shares Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love

Looking to talk to someone in this challenging time? I do phone consultations! I can help with any issues. https://deepsoulfullove.com/i-have-a-boyfriend-but-i-love-my-ex/

I Have a Boyfriend But I Love My Ex - A Relationship Expert Shares Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love If you still love your ex, it’s too soon for you to have a boyfriend. You really have to be out of a relationship, not just physically, but emotionally to be ready for a new relationship. It’s not fair to anybody to be emotionally torn between two relationships. Often when women find themselves ...

I Still Love My Ex But Don't Want Him Back - A Relationship Expert Shares Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love 04/14/2020

I Still Love My Ex But Don't Want Him Back - A Relationship Expert Shares Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love

I have often counseled women to wait to commit until the passions that come with falling in love dies down enough to be able to think and evaluate.

You have to be able to see him for who he actually is to have a chance at creating a lasting relationship.

https://deepsoulfullove.com/i-still-love-my-ex-but-dont-want-him-back/

I Still Love My Ex But Don't Want Him Back - A Relationship Expert Shares Exactly What To Do - Deep Soulful Love You experience an uncanny ability to completely miss or minimize any of his defects. Chewing with his mouth open is so cute. Failure to pay his bills is just an oversight because he is too talented for the mundanities of everyday life. In short he is perfect. Until he isn’t. I have often counseled...

My Boyfriend and I Fight About the Same Thing - What Should I Do? - Deep Soulful Love 03/31/2020

My Boyfriend and I Fight About the Same Thing - What Should I Do? - Deep Soulful Love

Fighting should be about getting enough information to reach an agreed upon solution even if the solution involves a compromise or letting go of your position in favor of your partner’s position.

https://deepsoulfullove.com/my-boyfriend-and-i-fight-about-the-same-thing/

My Boyfriend and I Fight About the Same Thing - What Should I Do? - Deep Soulful Love Going thru a break-up can be difficult. Especially if you were with the person for a significant amount of time or invested a lot of your life to them. Many people feel jealous once they find out this person is with someone else. I’m hoping to offer you some helpful ways to get over them and move ...

03/27/2020

Hello Everybody,

It’s been about a week since mandatory shelter in place went into effect. I don’t know about you, but it feels like a year and there’s a long way to go!

If you are feeling stressed, you are not alone. This is an unprecedented situation fraught with anxiety and we aren’t able to employ our usual means of stress reduction. Here are some tips that I hope will be helpful:

1. Follow all safety guidelines and then try to stop thinking about it. Worrying won’t help.

2. Keep your news intake limited. Of course we all want to know what’s going on including any new developments. But watching obsessively doesn’t change anything and can really overload your brain. I have always watched a lot of news. I now watch one hour in the morning and one hour at night. That’s plenty!

3. Try to establish some routine in your daily life. Most of us have lives that are defined by work, school or some regular activity. This keeps us grounded and productive. In the absence of that routine, we can feel adrift. This is a common complaint of people who are new to retirement.

a. Go to bed and get up in the morning at approximately the same times.
b. Do some chores to keep your house in order. A neat, clean environment is soothing for most people.
c. Don’t overindulge with food, alcohol or drugs. These are common stress relievers that end up creating more problems than they solve. You don’t want to leave quarantine fat, alcoholic and addicted!
d. The computer is an open invitation to obsessive and usually not very good for you behaviors. Be disciplined about having a set screen time that you stick to.

4. Those are some don’ts. But there are some do’s as well:
a. This is a great time to learn a language or any new skill.
b. Play board games; do puzzles. These are especially good relationship activities. They can connect you and your partner without a lot of talking or emotional processing.
c. Of course talking with your partner is good if it feels productive to both of you. It’s a bad time to try to solve chronic problems.
d. Relationship stress is bound to arise as you conduct your lives in close proximity. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.
e. If your temper flares, if you feel at the end of your rope, take a break. If it’s safe, take a walk. Go in the other room and take some deep breaths, meditate. Don’t reengage until you feel calm.
f. Exercise is always good. Obviously team sports are out, but you don’t need a lot of room for yoga or Pilates. There are good You tube videos to guide you if you are a novice.
g. Stay connected through social media platforms so you don’t feel isolated.
h. Watch TV and movies. There’s some really good stuff out there!

This is a time to be good to yourself. Reaffirm your worth as a human being. We are all connected in this and who knows- maybe that will ultimately prove a silver lining for our planet as a whole.

Most of the therapists I know, including me are working remotely. So if you need help, be sure to reach out.

Things To Do To Make Him Miss You – 5 Experts Share Fascinating Insights - Soulfulfilling Love 02/26/2020

Things To Do To Make Him Miss You – 5 Experts Share Fascinating Insights - Soulfulfilling Love

Any way you slice it, if you are trying to figure out a way to make somebody else feel, think or do something you are being manipulative. It doesn’t matter whether your intentions are benign or hostile; you have taken some kind of action, probably covertly, to change someone else. Manipulation is a game. There is no other way to define it.

https://www.soulfulfillinglove.com/things-to-do-to-make-him-miss-you/

Things To Do To Make Him Miss You – 5 Experts Share Fascinating Insights - Soulfulfilling Love Be a safe place for him. Be kind and be a safe place for him. Take care of him like you want to be taken care of emotionally and physically. Do things with sincerity and not because you want something in return. Be thoughtful and make him his favorite meal. Surprise him with something that he likes....

Is He a Keeper? Here are 3 Fantastic + Must-Know Insights – Deep Soulful Love 02/21/2020

Is He a Keeper? Here are 3 Fantastic + Must-Know Insights – Deep Soulful Love

There are fun guys and there are keepers. Distinguishing between the two could be the difference between a life of misery and a life of happiness.

https://deepsoulfullove.com/is-he-a-keeper/

Is He a Keeper? Here are 3 Fantastic + Must-Know Insights – Deep Soulful Love “The wrong man makes you beg for attention, affection, love and commitment. The right man will give you these things because he loves you.”

Should I Give Him Another Chance? – 2 Relationship Experts Share Their Insights – Deep Soulful Love 02/10/2020

Should I Give Him Another Chance? – 2 Relationship Experts Share Their Insights – Deep Soulful Love

Character doesn’t change no matter how many chances are given. You definitely need to move on from these kinds of men. https://deepsoulfullove.com/should-i-give-him-another-chance/

Should I Give Him Another Chance? – 2 Relationship Experts Share Their Insights – Deep Soulful Love Arguments happen, people say mean and cruel things and you feel hurt and even betrayed.  Is the relationship worth mending?  Is the foundation strong enough so that you feel you can grow from the experience?

Qualities To Look For in a Man Before Getting Married – 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Look For in Mr. Right - Soulfulfilling Love 12/13/2019

Qualities To Look For in a Man Before Getting Married – 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Look For in Mr. Right - Soulfulfilling Love

Have you seen the movie Marriage Story yet? How can we choose the right partner? https://www.soulfulfillinglove.com/qualities-to-look-for-in-a-man-before-getting-married/

Qualities To Look For in a Man Before Getting Married – 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Look For in Mr. Right - Soulfulfilling Love After working in mental health for nearly a decade, I have had the opportunity to observe couples and individuals navigating a process of singlehood, marriage and divorce. While the divorce rate continues to remain relatively stable, in that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce, it’s imp...

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