Jennifer Jeter, MFT, Marriage and Individual Therapist

08/16/2023

This is the most talented group of people I know. Do not miss this. ❤️

04/08/2018

❤️

11/21/2017

Starting a FaceTime promotion for new clients who want to access therapy from the comfort of home. 😊 I am decreasing my hourly rate from $120 to $80 for cash/credit card costumers until January 1. I also accept Anthem Blue Cross and Health Net insurance plans.

10/28/2017

“Everything will be ok in the end and if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.”

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

08/23/2017

02/05/2017

"Die while you're alive
and be absolutely dead.
Then do whatever you want:
it's all good."

Zen master Bunan

02/04/2017

Gottman is the best.

What have the Gottmans taught us about what works and doesn’t work in a relationship? The key findings really boil down to these three research-based tips.

01/31/2017

Talk Show "Therapy"--How Our Generation was Negatively Impacted

Occasionally, during a session, a client will say something that they believe is a truth. These statements will be reiterated to show an awareness of things learned...and likely not heeded in the course of their relationships. They are often repeated with shame--an admitted failure.

The testimony might be something like, "I know couples aren't supposed to go to bed mad... but..." or, "Of course, blood is thicker than water, I know...but..."

These are the statements of our generation--the gospel spoken from the middle of a live studio audience: repeated points that we heard over and over again on our television sets while the rest of the audience would nod, clap and yell "hallelujah." We believed these statements, learned them by heart and have carried them around as part of our fact systems. We are the generation that got our therapy from Phil Donahue, Montell Williams, Jenny Jones and Maury Povich. Some of us even watched Jerry Springer.

It is time to challenge every one of those beliefs. Many of them were uniformed, untrue and occasionally dangerous. Most of these proclamations were shouted by non-professionals (certainly not therapists) to a show "guest" who needed help. It's unclear whether any of the people who put their vulnerabilities on stage were ever actually helped at all.

Most of us are performing, behaving, even making decisions for the audiences that live in our minds. This social awareness is something that develops early in our lives, as we start to realize that we don't live in a vacuum. Once we experience the pros and cons in response to
our behaviors, we begin the process of being shaped by others. This phenomenon certainly benefits us greatly--through the experience, we learn social skills, we develop beneficial life skills. We grow and sometimes conform as it benefits us.

Our initial audience members may be our mothers, fathers, siblings, teachers or pastors. But as we step out into the world, this audience begins to grow. We are influenced by friends, bullies, commercials, movies and yes, talk shows. Our concepts of successful society are the biggest "audiences" we are working to impress.

Talk shows became successful and pulled us all in because they promised us something we hadn't seen much of on tv: real people with real problems. But the hosts and the audiences were the uninformed voices that guided our generation.

"That's your mother, she gave birth to you so you respect her no matter what..." No matter that she beats you? No matter that she abandoned you? No matter that she does drugs or abuses alcohol in front of you? The simple "truths" of the talk-show audience members missed valuable and life-altering information.

In the aftermath, we are left to clean up distorted beliefs of the 80's and 90's. Therapeutic work can help clients re-write their personal beliefs and tidy up the facts of their own lives. It's a challenge that's worth it.

01/29/2017

Today's Topic, January 29,2017

The Problem of S*x: The Intimacy-Communication Taboo

S*x is an interesting subject in this business. It is at the center of many relationship concerns and yet it is the most challenging topic for couples to discuss. I am intrigued by how much paperwork comes through my door (filled out only moments before) with the word “s*x” written in the area of “Relationship Concerns” and still neither partner can verbalize the problem once they are in my office. When asked for their reasons for coming, both can often talk for the hour about everything but the matter at hand. Only when I actually broach the subject does a restrained conversation begin.

As a “talk-therapist,” I am a believer that very little can be solved without communication. Yet, it seems that the average person assumes this magical act of s*x is supposed to happen and stay healthy without much discussion. In what other part of our lives do we assume growth and health will be maintained without awareness, intention and planning? Not our finances, certainly. Not our relationships, parenting or physical fitness. Not even dinner happens without some sort of forethought and preparation. Clearly, something as important as a satisfactory s*x-life requires some amount of effort.

Of course, the act of s*x is personal and we wouldn’t expect to be having unedited conversation about intimacy with every person we meet. What is bewildering, however, is how difficult it is for partners to discuss their s*x life with each other. Over the years, I have observed a few common reasons for this:

1) Women, in particular, are still dealing with society’s shaming of s*x and s*xuality. Most women have been raised to believe that they must hide or reserve their s*xuality, lest they be seen as invaluable in their community. And while women may be “allowed” to share the act of s*x with a committed partner, the life-long emotional tug-of-war of recognizing and denying s*xual desires can complicate their communication process.

2) Romance books and movies aren’t doing us any favors. In the “best,” most romantic scenes, s*x begins silently. The greatest intros might be prolonged eye contact or a brief touch. In these “perfect” moments, the whole seamless act takes place without any discussion at all. This leaves most of us believing that the need to talk about s*x is wrong or at least a romance-killer.

3) Probably the biggest barrier to comfortable communication around s*x has to do with the emotional significance one or both partners place on the act of s*x. S*x is thought to be a symbolic act of love and desire. Therefore, the assumption is that in a good relationship, s*x should be easy, natural and never waning. Because of this, couples fear problems in their s*x life. They can secretly question whether their partner loves them anymore or whether something is seriously wrong with their relationship. These unspoken concerns can keep couples stuck in the pattern of avoiding communication about s*x—which ultimately will keep the current challenges the same or progressing to worse.

In a long-term relationship, s*xual desire, focus and behavior will fluctuate and change. This is normal and even healthy. It is imperative that couples address the issues that are keeping them from talking to each other about the most bonding act that exists in their relationship. I have seen so much achieved and resolved when partners put aside their fears and actually start the communication process.

01/29/2017

Repost:

Presidential Election 2016

I am writing this post with a message of hope. I am desiring to help soften the pain that is being experienced so obviously since the election.

I want you to know I voted for Clinton before I say anything more. I want anyone reading this to know that I see myself as a progressive thinker and a person who believes that we must fight for and protect the rights of all people--especially minorities.

It is important for me to say that in all my years of therapy practice (over 16) I have never experienced a more affected group of people since this 2016 presidential election. 9/11 was SIGNIFICANTLY less profoundly discussed and processed with my clients. I am aware that the feelings people are having are extreme.

Here is what I have observed and (following) what I might offer:

For those of you who are heartbroken over Trump's win, you believe that the majority of voters are hateful, angry, racist, mysogynistic people. You believe that they do not believe in your rights and that they would like to see you stripped of your freedoms and/or forced out of this country. You believe these voters are wringing their hands and smiling over your fear and anxiety.

Some of them are. Some.

Many of them are not. In my work, I am asked to try to hear people, understand their view points and even CARE about what matters to them. It is not always easy. But the challenge has done something important: It has encouraged my thinking to change from black and white to grey.

I have found that SOME people who voted for Trump, don't believe that the progress we have made can be taken away. I have found that SOME people who voted for Trump believe that Trump will be able to change very little because of the governmental system. I have found that SOME people who voted for Trump believe that our country is in military crisis and that our rights can only be maintained with its repair. I have found that SOME people who voted for TRUMP don't like him either and felt NEITHER candidate would address their relevant issues. I have found that SOME people who voted for Trump felt advertising and media were skewing the information received. I have found that SOME people who voted for Trump focused only on the issues relevant to them and not to others.

I don't expect any agreement. What I am hoping is that the information might change your view of all of the people who supported a someone you find horrible. That maybe ignorance or passivity or limited knowledge is less hurtful than hate.

I was asked once, by a passionately democratic client, how I could see and agree with her opinions and not be confined to bed with depression. It made me think.

I realized that I am blessed to feel I can influence my clients, my daughter, my friends, husband, etc. in a positive way on a daily basis. I am able to have potentially life-changing conversations within my sphere of influence. And if these conversations are good and productive, then it has been a good day.

We can all do that. Now is the time, more than ever. We must open doors, lower our defenses and speak for the issues, views and people that matter to us. One at a time. Every day.

01/29/2017

Repost:

Florida Tragedy

On the morning of June 12, 2016, I woke up to learn of a national tragedy and, like most of us, focused on whatever news I could find to help me understand the details of a horrific event. My biggest questions were "Who did this? Why? How?"

After years of working as a therapist through world tragedies and seeing individuals healing through personal ones, I have learned that this information-gathering is a natural process we use to help us get our bearings. These details and facts bring us emotionally closer to the victims or (satisfyingly) further away from what we hope to avoid experiencing ourselves. As the information rolls in, we ask ourselves "Could that have been me?" "Would I have been there at that time?" "Would I have been able to escape the horrible results?" "Can this happen again?" "How likely is it?"

The specifics matter to us. Was the killer trained? What were his "reasons" for doing this? What weapons did he have access to? How many more people are out there like him? With this information we determine safety for ourselves and the ones we love. We make decisions about what must be done so this doesn't happen again. We consider personal choices as well as political choices. We figure out how we and others can act to change things for the future. We seek peace.

I have often said that some of the most important things happen AFTER a victimization: what we DO with something that we couldn't plan for. Do we hide in fear? Do we rise up stronger? Do we use this experience to grow?

I am most sad at the anger that I am beginning to see between all of us who were observers that horrifying morning. I am so sad that the opportunity for us to bond as a community, country, as people is being lost over the differences in how each of us is trying to compartmentalize the tragedy for our own healing purposes.

It DOES MATTER that this happened in a specifically gay nightclub to a large number of the LGBT community because there is so much prejudice, ignorance and hate of LGBT people in our world. They have few places to go to feel safe and accepted and this act of hatred has changed something significant for them.

It also MATTERS that the killer said, during his 911 call to police "I am doing this to protest the U.S. bombings in Syria and Iraq and the killings of women and children...I'm doing this in solidarity with the Tsarnaev brothers and Moner Abu-Slaha," because his background and training and the current events in our world political climate contributed to what he ultimately chose to do.

It MATTERS that he had access to and was able to purchase a Sig Sauer .223 caliber assault rifle and a Gloc 17 because he was able to kill so many innocent people so quickly.

None of these issues are insignificant. And none need to be minimized to highlight the significance of the others.

I hope that ALL of us can come together as PEOPLE around this horrible moment in time. I hope that ALL of this information is used to help us make the world a better, safer place for every innocent human being. I hope that we can focus on compassion and love for those who were affected by the event--physically, emotionally and mentally. I hope we can rise up, stronger and better than ever rather than argue and hate each other more. That would be the killer's best, final result. We just can't let that happen. It all matters.