Boys' Institute for Growth

Boys' Institute for Growth Enhancing relationships between boys and their families, peers, and their communities. BIG is a place where boys and parents come to learn and grow.

It is for boys with common, everyday struggles like fitting in, dealing with peer pressure, or coping with divorce, as well as for those boys with more significant difficulties like ADHD, depression, anxiety, social isolation, and acting out in destructive ways. For pre-teen and teen boys, BIG offers a chance to learn about “being male” and its wide-ranging meaning to cope with and express feeling

s, to make and keep good friends, and to relate more effectively with parents and siblings. Another part of BIG’s philosophy is to help boys understand, develop, and nurture their relationships with both girls and boys. For parents, BIG provides the opportunity to learn about how boys tend to operate without pigeonholing them into traditional gender stereotypes. Parents also learn about how the larger culture influences boys and their concepts of masculinity, and what they can do to help their sons think deeply about what it means to be a man in the 21st Century. They also come to get support from other parents who may be in similar spots: wanting to be closer to their sons, feeling confused about how to effectively parent their boys, or maybe just feeling alone in their everyday struggles as busy caregivers. BIG helps parents feel less isolated and more connected to others who know about the ups and downs of parenting boys.

Another BIG Talk for Boys in the books with a wonderful group of boys and trusted adults. Many questions were asked out ...
08/26/2025

Another BIG Talk for Boys in the books with a wonderful group of boys and trusted adults. Many questions were asked out loud (yet another group of bold question-askers) and a few made it to the Question Box.

In fact, a parent wrote one of them as a sneaky, loaded question (he came up to me at the break when the boys weren't around and asked if he could sneak it in)! I let him. See if you can guess which one it is (perhaps the one that's legible?).

And, what about the card that thanks the parents for their effort?!?! I'm dedicating this post's song to that young man.

As for some answers to some of those questions:

Do females bleed nonstop during their period? Not usually, the bleeding tends to be heaviest in the first few days and then tapers off as the period continues. Different biological females have different menstrual experiences, though, with some having a steady flow throughout their period and others having more of an "off-and-on" flow.

Can you break your hips during childbirth? Yes, a woman can break her pelvic bones, often referred to as hip bones in common terms, during childbirth, though it is a rare and serious injury. Pelvic fractures can result from factors like excessive force during delivery, a very large baby, prolonged labor, or certain pre-existing conditions such as a narrow pelvis or osteoporosis.

As always, good job by you, boys and trusted adults!

Friends of BIG & And We Feel: Camp Hope California (CHC) - A (Free) Grief Day Camp for Children and Teens in San Diego!T...
08/19/2025

Friends of BIG & And We Feel: Camp Hope California (CHC) - A (Free) Grief Day Camp for Children and Teens in San Diego!

The Boys' Institute for Growth, And We Feel, and Camp Hope California (CHC) are thrilled to announce the re-launch of this amazing grief camp in San Diego - a safe, supportive environment where grieving kids and teens can process loss, connect with peers, and build healthy coping strategies through engaging therapeutic activities and workshops. Best of all, it's completely free for the campers.

Camp Details:

🗓️ Inaugural Camp Weekend: October 18th and 19th, 2025 (Please note that this is a weekend day camp, not an overnight camp)

📍 Boys & Girls Club, La Mesa, CA

If you know any children or teens who’ve experienced significant loss, please refer their parents/trusted adults to the CHC website by either scanning the QR code above or going to .hopecalifornia and visiting the link in their bio for more information about how to register.

Let's work together to provide a much-needed opportunity for healing and growth. For more details or any questions, feel free to contact me. 

Help us spread the word—share this post with your colleagues and networks!

BIG Talk Double Trouble! Well, it's back to two BIG Talks per weekend, and the boys were ready. And although the notecar...
08/19/2025

BIG Talk Double Trouble! Well, it's back to two BIG Talks per weekend, and the boys were ready. And although the notecards were slim pickings, there was good reason: these boys just let the questions fly by asking out loud! 

Always great to see them comfortable enough with each other and their trusted adults to ask away. The one written question was a deep one that showed how much this 5th grader was thinking about the timing needed to get a s***m cell and an egg cell to meet. The question allowed for the group to learn about the menstrual cycle (even more) and when the egg cell tends to be released from an o***y each month in relation to a biological female getting her period. 

As always...good job by you, boys and trusted adults!

After some rest and relaxation, we are back! So good to get back into the groove with a great group of boys and trusted ...
08/12/2025

After some rest and relaxation, we are back! So good to get back into the groove with a great group of boys and trusted adults. Enjoy a sampling of some of the questions they wrote down. Some took a little deciphering and correcting (like 250 million s***ms cells, not 250K), but we got to some answers! 

As always, good job by you, boys and parents!

Psychologist William Pollack was right all those years ago.Too often, we mistake silence for strength.We see a boy who’s...
07/25/2025

Psychologist William Pollack was right all those years ago.

Too often, we mistake silence for strength.

We see a boy who’s withdrawn or irritable and assume it’s just part of growing up.

We tell ourselves, “He’s fine. He’ll come around.”

But what if he doesn’t?

At BIG, we believe that behavior is a message.

That behind the sullen look or short temper is a boy with questions, confusion, or pain… and no idea how to name it or talk about it.

So here’s what we need to do instead:

💬 We lean in.
💬 We ask the second question.
💬 We make it safe for boys to speak about their emotions and their boundaries.

Because we don’t want them to drift away.

We want them to grow into strong, self-aware, emotionally-connected young men.

Startling but true:Young people ages 15–24 make up just 25% of the s*xually-active population but account for over 50% o...
07/18/2025

Startling but true:

Young people ages 15–24 make up just 25% of the s*xually-active population but account for over 50% of all reported STIs in the U.S. each year (CDC, 2021).

Why?

👉 A sense of invincibility, poor impulse control, and risky judgment, often fueled by alcohol or dr*g use, inexperience, and not fully understanding how substances lower inhibitions.

👉 Lack of accurate, age-appropriate s*x education.

👉 Inconsistent use of protection, like condoms.

👉 Stigma around talking openly about s*xual health.

👉 Limited access to confidential testing and care.

This is exactly why early, honest, and supportive conversations matter.

Education is protection.

Silence doesn’t protect our kids. Conversations do. Avoiding tough topics like puberty, s*x, consent, or relationships d...
07/14/2025

Silence doesn’t protect our kids. Conversations do. 

Avoiding tough topics like puberty, s*x, consent, or relationships doesn’t keep our kids safe. It keeps them uninformed.

Your voice can ground them, guide them, and give them tools to ask questions, make smart choices, and build healthy relationships.

Talking to your son about his body, body boundaries, and feelings is ultimately empowering.

Replace shame with clarity.
Trade silence for connection.
Choose conversation over confusion.

July Check-In: Raising Independent Young MenJuly marks the halfway point of the year, and what better time to pause and ...
07/09/2025

July Check-In: Raising Independent Young Men

July marks the halfway point of the year, and what better time to pause and reflect on how we’re supporting our sons as they grow?

This season is all about independence… and not just for our country. It’s also a powerful reminder that our boys are slowly becoming more independent with guidance and support from the trusted adults in their orbits.

Mid-Year Questions to Ask Yourself:

☑️ Have you started the puberty talk?

Even a small conversation can make a big difference. It shows you're a safe space. If so, pat yourself on the back and make sure to keep having them regularly. If not, think about why that might be and how to best break the ice. A BIG Talk for Boys can serve as a perfect ice-breaker to get conversations going.  

☑️ What has your son learned about relationships… romantic, platonic, or even how he views himself?

☑️ Is he getting messages of accountability, boundaries, respect, honesty, and kindness from you? Are you modeling these for him in your daily life?

☑️ Are you promoting independence, or are you micromanaging?

Let your son try, fail, and grow. Independence doesn’t mean being alone… it means the supported freedom to grow and build confidence.

☑️ Does he feel confident in his body, his choices, and his voice?

That confidence starts with what he hears from you.

🧠 Growth doesn’t happen all at once. But July is the perfect time to support small shifts toward autonomy and responsibility.

The month of July is usually quiet for BIG Talks, and this year is no exception. Really looking forward to re-charging a...
07/08/2025

The month of July is usually quiet for BIG Talks, and this year is no exception. Really looking forward to re-charging and then ramping up for tons of BIG Talks for Boys starting in August and into the new school year. 

The lone July BIG Talk found these boys ready to roll with gusto and good questions. Oh, and I totally forgot to post some of the great notecards from a talk last week. Take a look and, as always, think about how you'd answer these questions if your boy asked you. And to the boy who wrote the last card...nice! This song is for you and your new crush!

Good job by you, boys and parents!

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