Resources4caregivers

06/13/2025

Jim Carrey once said: Grief is not just an emotion—it’s an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone. It carves through you, leaving a hollow ache where love once resided.

In the beginning, it feels unbearable, like a wound that will never close. But over time, the raw edges begin to mend. The pain softens, but the imprint remains—a quiet reminder of what once was. The truth is, you never truly "move on." You move with it. The love you had does not disappear; it transforms. It lingers in the echoes of laughter, in the warmth of old memories, in the silent moments where you still reach for what is no longer there. And that’s okay.

Grief is not a burden to be hidden. It is not a weakness to be ashamed of. It is the deepest proof that love existed, that something beautiful once touched your life. So let yourself feel it. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself remember.

There is no timeline, no “right” way to grieve. Some days will be heavy, and some will feel lighter. Some moments will bring unexpected waves of sadness, while others will fill you with gratitude for the love you were lucky enough to experience.

Honor your grief, for it is sacred. It is a testament to the depth of your heart. And in time, through the pain, you will find healing—not because you have forgotten, but because you have learned how to carry both love and loss together.

06/08/2025

This should be hung in every dementia care home and in hospitals where there are patients with dementia.
If I get dementia, I’d like my family to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live. I want them to remember these things.
And I would add one more:
Every time you enter the room announce yourself.
“Hi Patrick- it’s -your name-.”
NEVER ask- Do you know who I am??? That causes anxiety.
1. If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality.
2. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.
3. If I get dementia, don’t argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you.
4. If I get dementia, and I am not sure who you are, do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me.
5. If I get dementia, and can no longer use utensils, do not start feeding me. Instead, switch me to a finger-food diet, and see if I can still feed myself.
6. If I get dementia, and I am sad or anxious, hold my hand and listen. Do not tell me that my feelings are unfounded.
7. If I get dementia, I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am.
8. If I get dementia, I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, and visit with friends.
9. If I get dementia, ask me to tell you a story from my past.
10. If I get dementia, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me.
11. If I get dementia, treat me the way that you would want to be treated.
12. If I get dementia, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Even now if I don’t eat I get angry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need.
13. If I get dementia, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room.
14. If I get dementia, don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live.
15. If I get dementia, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often.
16. If I get dementia, don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault.
17. If I get dementia, make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot.
18. If I get dementia, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original place.
19. If I get dementia, don’t exclude me from parties and family gatherings.
20. If I get dementia, know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.
21. If I get dementia, remember that I am still the person you know and love.”
ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇ in Honor of someone you know or knew who has dementia. In Honor of all those I know and love and lost who are fighting Dementia/Alzheimer’s.

03/29/2025

So true! ❤️

12/14/2024

My conversations with patients near the end of their lives.

09/30/2024

LIFE, LOVE, LAUGHTER, LABOR & LISTENING. LIVING WITH LOVE BRINGS JOY! LOVE IS WHAT WE ALL NEED!

09/23/2024

"Be kind to your neighbor. Just show kindness. Don't hate. The word hate should be out of the dictionary." - Marilyn Wright on her and her twin sister Madelyn Casper's 102th birthday!
Can we get an Amen? ❤️

Twin sisters Marilyn Wright and Madelyn Casper, who were born in 1922, are marking their 102nd birthday together.

08/11/2024

07/20/2024

A very good read! 💜

Advice for caregivers from the front lines

07/15/2024

On my way back to Stanford for more tests. It's been so long since I've had a donation that my GoFundMe might close, but I am short of money. 😢

Hello, I'm Patrick. Before I go into my life story, I'm creating t… Patrick Walberg needs your support for With expenses of Medical Co-pays and medications

05/20/2024

First posted on September 23, 2015
This is worth reposting, as I went through the same thing she did just three years later in 2018. She was there for me, and was a God sent angel for me. So I posted a second time on May 20, 2021 for that reason. Tried to share this morning but because it's posted on her page, I simply copied and pasted it for those to read a third time.

Written by PPatrick Walbergfor Teena Torres of EEast Side Story
I know how Teena Torres feels! I'm her sounding board. I'm her best friend, and I am in a very similar situation with family dynamics. Perhaps we all need family or grief counselling? I know how it feels to have family or supposedly close friends lie about me behind my back. I know that Teena is NOT an addict and does have "scruples" but more importantly, she has tremendous LOVE for all of you!
A caregiver like Teena is worth more than any of you could ever afford. It is something I know about because I am absolutely priceless to my mom as her primary caregiver. Our reward comes from doing the right thing. Go to an agency and hire a highly qualified team of caregivers. It will cost between $50,000 to $100,000 a year depending on how many hours are needed. I know this for a fact!
I also have been falsely accused of things by certain family members. If I were actually doing those things I was falsely accused of, I most certainly would be in jail or prison. The FACT is that I'm doing such a great job that they have to make up stories in an attempt to make themselves feel better.
Perhaps those other people would like to trade places? Put their own life on hold? It's a job, so they'd have to quit whatever work they currently are doing. They'd not be able to go out unless they can get another caregiver. To properly do caregiving, it takes a team of people! When family puts it all on the shoulder of one person, it is a burden than can break a weaker person. Teena and I are not weak. We are strong!
I have learned so much about my family from the situation I've placed myself in. I take full responsibility for my life and I know that if/when the time comes where I need a caregiver myself, it will not be my brothers or sister who will be there. I would insist on someone like the great friend Teena Torres.
Sometimes I think caregivers are the most underpaid, under appreciated people in the World. We humbly put our own well being, our own desires and needs on the backburn while putting the person we care for first and foremost. The rewards come in other ways such as the spiritual in which those who are focused on the materialistic World may miss or not understand.
Teena is strong. She does not need your approval, your criticism, nor your anger. She could benefit from some understanding and support. You all might benefit from love and support, but you can't be loving and supportive being judgemental and critical of others.
If you are being critical of others, you should take a step back and ask yourself "why?" Before you go attacking others telling them what you think they are doing wrong, focus on what is positive and going right. Maybe instead of attacking that person, you should be thanking them?

02/21/2024

Writing found from a nursing home resident.

“I am 82 years old, I have 4 children, 11 grandchildren, 2 great-grandchildren and a room of 12 square meters.

I no longer have a home or expensive things, but I have someone who will clean my room, prepare food and change my bedding, measure my blood pressure and weigh me.

I no longer have the laughter of my grandchildren around me, I don't see them growing, hugging and arguing. Some come to me every 15 days, some every three or four months, and some never.
I don't bake cakes anymore, I don't dig up the garden. I still have hobbies and I like to read, but my eyes quickly hurt.

I don’t know how much longer, but I have to get used to this loneliness. Here at this home, I lead group work and help those who are worse than me as much as I can.

Until recently, I read aloud to an immobile woman in the room next to me, we used to sing together, but she died the other day.
They say life is getting longer. Why? When I’m alone, I can look at photos of my family and memories I brought from home. And that's all. I miss them.

I hope that the next generations will understand that families are born to have a future (with children) and that they do not forget about the family even in old age.”
PLEASE DON'T FORGET YOUR LOVED ONES.

12/13/2023

Like many of America's 53 million caregivers, supporting a loved one is a lonely journey. Then I found the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregivers.