08/20/2020
Maybe you know this already and maybe you don't...
(I'm a huge Brene Brown fan...)
I feel like I've seen a lot of stuff come up recently regarding shame & guilt.
I've also noticed that society often uses the words shame and guilt interchangably. But there is a profound and vital difference between the two.
In a nutshell (paraphrasing Brene Brown):
GUILT is when someone perceives they have DONE something "bad" or "wrong", so action or behavior-oriented, and it is highly correlated with corrective behavior, a desire to change, make amends, etc - it can have a BENEFICIAL function.
SHAME has absolutely no such beneficial correlations. Shame is not about actions or behaviors but about identity/self. Someone believes "I AM bad" vs. "I did something bad". And it not only doesn't motivate change, it is HIGHLY CORRELATED with addiction, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, su***de, etc.
The other vital piece to know about shame is, as Brene says, it goes "unspoken". So you'll likely never have a friend, family member or client come to you and say, "I'm feeling a lot of shame right now" or "I'd really like to work with you on healing my shame issues." Not going to happen... (Shame loves to hide in the darkness.)
Understanding the difference between shame and guilt has given me huge insight into better understanding people in general. It has taught me greater empathy and compassion for others and has given me great insights into healing my own wounds.
If you're interested in learning more about this subject I highly recommend listening to some of Brene's Ted Talks of Shame vs Guilt, on Vulnerability, her audio book The Gifts of Imperfection or really any of her work. She's quite gifted at clearly and simply defining words and concepts in ways that have given me huge Ah-ha! moments.
This is not a paid promotion. 😃 I just genuinely value her work and wisdom and hope you might gain something of value from it too.
Wishing you a beautiful and peaceful day. ♥️🙏
Stephenie