Leah Aguirre, LCSW

Leah Aguirre, LCSW Leah is a licensed therapist and certified EMDR therapist and relationship coach. She is the author of Is This Really Love?

Her mission is to help others heal from emotionally abusive relationships. I’m a licensed therapist and relationship coach based in San Diego, CA, with over 10 years of experience. I specialize in helping individuals heal from attachment-related trauma, break free from emotionally abusive relationships, and approach dating with empowerment and authenticity. Having personally navigated challenges w

ith anxiety, self-esteem, and unhealthy relationships, I deeply understand the importance of healing and growth. Through individual therapy and coaching, I support you in strengthening self-worth and creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships. My mission is to empower you to live authentically and thrive. In addition to my clinical work, I am a writer/author. I am a contributor and blogger for Psychology Today, where I write about mental health, relationships, and personal growth. I am also the co-author of The Girl’s Guide to Relationships, Sexuality & Consent and the author of Is This Really Love?

04/17/2026

If you’re Googling or asking ChatGPT questions like:

“Why do they do this?”
“Am I overreacting?”
“Is this normal?”

That confusion matters.

It’s not a personal failure—
it’s information.

To feel this confused, this unsure of yourself, is often a sign that something in the dynamic isn’t clear, consistent, or emotionally grounding.

In abusive relationships, confusion is often part of the pattern.

They dismiss your feelings.
They minimize your experience.
They turn it back on you until you start questioning your own reality.

So you search.
You analyze.
You try to make sense of something that doesn’t feel right.

And when you feel isolated or unsupported, turning to Google or AI makes sense. It can feel like a lifeline.

Used intentionally, it can help you organize your thoughts and name what you’re experiencing.

But it can’t replace your intuition.
And it can’t give you the safety you’re looking for.

If you feel this confused, it’s worth paying attention to why.

04/16/2026

Would you be okay with it if it was your best friend, loved one or child being regularly criticized, put down and controlled?

Probably not.

We are so much more protective of our loved ones than ourselves.

When we are being mistreated we often excuse it, blame ourselves or minimize the harm.

No judgement, I’ve been there myself.

So ask yourself this:

If someone I loved described their relationship the way mine actually is or was being treated how I am being treated by my partner, would I be okay with it?

You don’t have to keep minimizing what hurts you.

You are also worthy and deserving of the same love and protection you give others.

04/16/2026

How I finally left my emotionally abusive relationship? 🤔🤔

I stopped leading with empathy.

Empathy is an amazing quality BUT you are also allowed to have limits.

I say this all the time:

You can have compassion for someone’s s**t
without taking their s**t.

And honestly… this was something I had to learn the hard way.

When I was in a relationship with an emotionally abusive partner, this line got really blurry for me.

There was coercive control. And I was basically manipulated into believing I was the cause of the abuse
and somehow also responsible for fixing it, tolerating it, and staying.

And being a therapist made this even harder.

Because I lead with empathy. I could see that he was hurting. I could understand the pain underneath it.

But what I had to learn was this:

Just because you understand someone and their behaviors doesn’t mean you’re supposed to stay and take the mistreatment.

Empathy is not a free pass for someone to hurt you.

At some point, you have to stop leading with empathy and understanding and start protecting yourself.

Because no matter how much someone is hurting, it does not excuse or justify abuse.

I’ll say it again: Your empathy can have a limit—and the limit is abuse.

04/15/2026

Empathy is a beautiful quality—so important BUT

You are also allowed to have limits.

I say this all the time:

You can have compassion for someone’s s**t
without taking their s**t.

And honestly… this was something I had to learn the hard way.

When I was in a relationship with an emotionally abusive partner, this line got really blurry for me.

There was coercive control. And I was basically manipulated into believing I was the cause of the abuse
and somehow also responsible for fixing it, tolerating it, and staying.

And being a therapist made this even harder.

Because I lead with empathy. I could see that he was hurting. I could understand the pain underneath it.

But what I had to learn was this:

Just because you understand someone and their behaviors doesn’t mean you’re supposed to stay and take the mistreatment.

Empathy is not a free pass for someone to hurt you.

At some point, you have to stop leading with empathy and understanding and start protecting yourself.

Because no matter how much someone is hurting, it does not excuse or justify abuse.

I’ll say it again: Your empathy can have a limit—and the limit is abuse.

04/14/2026

I cannot tell you how many “fights” I had with my emotionally abusive ex over my love for Bravo and Housewives.

I have a very vivid memory from a road trip where I spent over an hour defending my love for reality TV.

Not joking—an entire hour explaining why I enjoy it, what I get out of it, and why it doesn’t make me superficial or vain. We were driving in the desert, and I was literally trapped in the car with no exit.

This is just one example of the many things I had to defend.

I constantly felt the need to explain myself and justify my character—this happened regularly.

The whole relationship ultimately came down to being criticized and berated for qualities and interests that did not harm anyone. For just being me.

I use the Housewives as an example because I’ve met so many other women who were also treated poorly for having something that brought them joy.

Emotional abuse isn’t always yelling or name-calling. Sometimes it’s being picked apart and made to feel like you’re a terrible person for being good at things—or for simply having things that bring you joy.

📖 Is This Really Love? Recognizing When You’re in a Coercive, Controlling, and Emotionally Abusive Relationship—And How to Break Free is out now.

If you’ve ever felt like you had to defend who you are or shrink yourself to be loved—this is for you.

Comment BOOK and I’ll send you the link ❤️🫶

04/13/2026

I remember having constant migraines and headaches from the stress during my relationship with an emotionally abusive partner.

One day at work, I had to end a session early because I felt so nauseous and dizzy I ended up throwing up.

I called him to bring me Tylenol.

And when he showed up, I felt so grateful—he was taking care of me.

But what I couldn’t fully see at the time was this:

The same relationship that was making me physically sick was the one I was turning to for relief.

He would keep me up late at night during his meltdowns,
telling me everything I was doing wrong—why I was a bad partner, a bad person.

My body carried the impact.

And then he would step in as the “healer” or “caretaker.”

That’s part of what makes these dynamics so confusing—the harm and the comfort come from the same place.

If this feels like something you are experiencing or did in the past—you are not alone.

The good news is that you are resilient and your brain is malleable and you can overcome it all. I promise. It’s possible.

04/09/2026

As therapists, we’re trained to be really intentional about what we share.

So I’m going to be intentional and say this:

I’ve been where you are.

I used to put all of my self-worth in men and their interest in me.

I spent hours obsessing over not hearing from someone, overthinking every interaction, and trying to be someone I wasn’t… for someone I wasn’t even that compatible with.

And when I got married, I was hit with so much grief for the time I spent chasing and longing.

If this is you right now, really hear this:

You won’t have to chase the right guy.
You won’t have to wait and wonder about his intentions.
You won’t feel like you have to play it cool.
You won’t have to hold back who you are to keep him.

Your worth is inherent.
It’s not something you earn from a guy you met on Hinge 5 minutes ago.

Live your life for you—not in pursuit of someone who hasn’t even shown you who they are.

unavailable

04/07/2026

Keeping you up until 2 or 3am…

Berating you.
Lecturing you.
Having a meltdown that is “your fault”.

Calling it “communication.”

But when you’re exhausted, you’re not on equal ground anymore.

When you are soothing them, taking the blame and apologizing just to sleep—that’s a symptom of control.

04/06/2026

One (of the many) mindf*cks and scams of emotional abuse?

Being told that those positive traits and qualities that the emotionally abusive partner (EAP) was so attracted to and obsessed with are actually problems or flaws.

This happened in my relationship with an EAP. He liked how driven I was and that I was an author and writer. He liked that I was passionate about helping others and YET, he also demeaned these qualities and later saw them as problems and personality flaws.

And I know I’m not alone in this. So many of my clients share VERY similar experiences.

So if this resonates, A) know that you are not alone and B) don’t buy into this scam.

You are YOU and that’s enough. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

04/05/2026

What I want you to know about your partner who continues to blame you for the abuse:

You are not triggering them.
They are abusing you. That’s a choice.

The abuse is not a “love language” or communication issue. It’s a control issue.

Couples therapy is not the solution to abuse. It’s a them issue, not a “couples” issue.

If they can be kind to others but not to you—they know exactly what they’re doing.

Their apology without changes in their behavior is meaningless.

Basically I just want you to know it’s not your fault and you deserve better than the emotional abuse you continue to endure.


04/04/2026

People will say ANYTHING to a single person.

But to someone in an emotionally abusive relationship? Silence.

“You need to put yourself out there more.”

But never: “You need to start putting yourself first for once. You deserve better.”

“You’re too picky.”

But never: “You’re too quick to justify how he treats you. He is an asshole.”

“Don’t you get lonely?”

But never: “Don’t you get lonely being in a relationship where you can’t be yourself?”

“You should be less available.”

But never: “You should really consider the impact of this relationship on your mental health. It’s costing you so much.”

“Aren’t you worried about your clock ticking?”

But never: “Aren’t you worried that you’ve started to believe you’re the problem?”

The people who love you might not know what to say or how to say it.

But somewhere, deep inside, you already know.

Tag someone who needs to hear this or save it for yourself ❤️

Address

San Diego, CA
92108

Website

http://www.covecounselinggroup.com/

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