Gay Therapy Center

07/22/2025

I think gay men might be the most s*xually creative people in the world. I don’t have any research data to support this, but have you heard of San Francisco’s Folsom Street Fair? It’s the world largest celebration of s*xuality, and it was created by gay men.

At the Gay Therapy Center, part of our agenda is to help couples support all that creativity with beautiful, intimate communication. Without that support, s*xuality can definitely hurt.

https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2016/22/gay-open-relationships-that-dont-hurt

07/22/2025

There is an epidemic of unworthiness in our culture. Deep inside so many people feel unlovable.

While the Inner Critic is universally destructive and squeezes joy from many lives, its intention is to be a helpful force. It is there to protect. It shames you in an attempt to shield you from experiencing humiliation from external sources. Unfortunately while trying to help, it becomes abusive.

The Critic believes the best path to receiving love and support is to follow a rigid and limiting set of rules. Those rules, which may have been somewhat helpful when you were a child, are no longer useful to you as an adult. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2011/09/gay-therapist-secrets-of-the-inner-critic

07/21/2025

You are dating a five-year-old. Yes, that man across the dinner table from you--the one with beard stubble and crow's--feet is actually a five-year-old boy.

So are you.

All of us retain our experiences as children throughout our lives. And when we are fighting with our boyfriends there's a good chance that our inner five-year-old vulnerabilities have been triggered.

And to be a really good boyfriend, one of your jobs is to know your partner's five-year-old triggers–as well as your own.
https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2012/03/gay-marriage-counseling-fighting

07/20/2025

"Ghosting is avoidance driven by a fear of confrontation. We may tell ourselves that it is nicer not to tell someone that we don’t have chemistry. In reality, being ghosted hurts a lot more than the truth.

Why do we hurt others? Because we have our own hurts that we want to avoid. When we are feeling good about ourselves we rarely intentionally hurt people. Our compassion and kindness flows from how we are feeling about ourselves"

Read more on why we ghost & how to deal with it, from GTC Founder Adam Blum, here:

LGBTQ people have learned to be experts in hiding. We had to hide to survive, and ghosting is hiding.

07/19/2025

Congratulations! You came out, you survived your youth, it did get better, and you even made something of yourself in the face of homophobia and discrimination. So why do you feel bored, restless, unfulfilled? Here is some insight from Adam Blum, founder of The Gay Therapy Center and a licensed psychotherapist.

In some ways, asking the question “what else will make me happy?” is luxurious. It means that the more basic needs of money and love have been met. It’s a good problem to have, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a difficult and unsettling feeling, and it can cause depression and anxiety.

07/18/2025

Sternly telling yourself to “just get over it” when you find yourself back in that place of fear, anxiety, or anger isn’t going to result in lasting change.

Personal transformation happens when we learn to hold those wounded parts of ourselves with curiosity and compassion.

And that sometimes means talking to yourself the way a good parent would try to calm a hurt young child. The tone is soft, the care is expressed, and it usually includes soothing words of encouragement. Sometimes a special treat is offered.

And what tend to be the final words at the end? “I love you.” Of course.

Try it at home. It’s 100% non-toxic with no negative side effects. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2014/02/gay-psychotherapy-in-defense-of-baby-talk

07/18/2025

Self-care takes time and attention. It can be boring. It’s not s*xy or dramatic. But ultimately it is a super powerful tool for transformation.

If you can increase your self-care by just 10%, your life will have less anxiety, depression, and disappointment.

What does self-care look like? I’ve come up with five “Bs” for better self-care: https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/gay-therapist-five-things-gay-men-can-do-to-feel-bette/

07/17/2025

Gay men experience eating disorders and body dysmorphia more than any other population except for heteros*xual women.

Why is that?

To help understand the link between gay culture and negative body image, eating disorders and body dysmorphia, we spoke to Carl Hovey, a psychologist and researcher at the Soho and Fidi locations of the Gay Therapy Center in New York.

Carl’s research took the form of a qualitative study. He interviewed a collection of gay men in New York City, asking open ended questions like, “Can you talk to me a little about how you experience your body, both now and in the past?”

“I wanted to try and get a narrative going of how ideas about the body are formed by messages from family, culture and society, and whether that was stable or unstable over time,” he explained.

“In speaking directly to the population, rather than trying to extrapolate meaning from person-less data, you get to hear nuanced explanations from the population you’re trying to understand.”

Read more: https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2020/8/body-image-amp-the-gay-experience-what-you-need-to-know

07/16/2025

The quality of our relationships is perhaps the primary determiner of the quality of our lives.

So when our relationships are under stress it feels like our entire life is a mess. And right now many of our relationships are under pressure because we are worried about the pandemic. Our partners are also anxious, and most of us are stuck at home with them all day and night.

Here are some tips to help your relationship get through this.

Read more: https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2020/4/how-to-make-a-gay-relationship-work-during-covid-19

07/16/2025

Do you find yourself struggling with perfectionism? Perfectionism is pretty common for LGBTQ+ folks. Being perfect is one way to manage feeling like an outside in your family or your community.

Perfectionism can be about feeling less than as a gay person. When you rewrite those stories you tell yourself about feeling less worthy as a gay person, you will feel less of a need to be perfect. Perfectionism can also offer good things, like the praise of the people we love, which is especially critical as a young gay person. Founder + Director of the Gay Therapy Center Adam Blum discusses some tips he’s found helpful with his gay clients in therapy to overcome perfectionism.

For more tips about LGBTQ mental health, visit our blog: https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/gay-therapy-blog/Do you find yourself struggling with perfection...

07/15/2025

When will life return to normal?�

Right now there is no clear answer to that question. The uncertainty creates feelings of dread, anxiety, and grief among all of us.

It’s exhausting.

It’s getting old.

While some of us have lost family members and friends, we have all lost a feeling of safety.

And at the same time, for some, there have been a few positive aspects in the midst of the crisis.

Some clients report that they have let go of FOMO (the Fear Of Missing Out).

Others are discovering the pleasures of walks.

Many people are reawakening to what is really important in their lives.

Below are a few tips to help you manage the struggle and stress. And I will suggest how you might allow yourself more room for more pleasure, joy, and yes, even s*x during Covid.

https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2020/26/lgbtq-people-are-we-allowed-to-have-joy-during-the-covid-crisis

07/15/2025

There's a reason why they call the marches and celebrations “Pride.” It is the opposite of shame.

Coming out does take bravery. But without bravery we'd still be huddling in windowless bars, running from police, and marrying people we weren’t attracted to. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2016/4/why-coming-out-is-important-even-after-youve-come-out