The New Happy

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12/01/2025

A lot of our pain comes from trying to control every single thing that happens in our lives. It’s an impossible task we’ve set for ourselves: my day can only be a good one if these specific things happen, in the specific way that I want them to happen.

Here’s a different approach: embrace the bumps.

Reset your expectations: today will be, like most days, a bumpy one. And amidst those bumps, there is a lot of opportunity for joy, growth, and happiness. Life doesn’t have to be smooth, planned, or ‘figured out’ in order to be enjoyable and meaningful.

Say to yourself: “Today will be bumpy. That doesn’t mean I’ve done anything wrong. It’s the nature of life. Today, I’m going to embrace my day, no matter what happens, and find joy in living it.”

11/26/2025

Sentences that we should all be comfortable saying:
“I don’t know enough about that yet, can you tell me more?”
“I’ve changed my mind on that topic.”
“I was wrong. Thanks for helping me to learn something new.”

11/24/2025

If you have a dream that you’re struggling to work towards, it is time to stop thinking about the end goal and start focusing on the small step you can take today.

If your dream is to have your own business, the smallest step could be... looking up if your domain name is free.

If your dream is to find a new job, the smallest step could be... finding your old resume and printing it out to figure out what needs to be updated.

If your dream is to make a difference in the world, the smallest step could be... brainstorming a list of the issues you’d most like to help with.

Dreams are only achieved by taking small steps, not just because they make dreams achievable, but because small steps make dreams approachable. What small step will you take today?

11/20/2025

Most of the time, we go through our lives with a zoomed-in lens, one that focuses our attention on the present moment.

That’s what makes good times so good and hard times so hard. They are all-encompassing. Learning how to zoom out, to put this moment into a greater perspective, is an essential skill, one that can help us to increase our joy and to increase our resilience.

In good times, remember: this will change. So savor it.
In hard times, remember: this will change. So hold on.

11/18/2025

It’s perfectly normal to get stuck in a pattern. It doesn’t mean that you’re a mess, a failure, a disaster, or that there is something wrong with you. It just means that you’re a human being. We are wired to gravitate towards what is familiar and repeat it. But here’s the good news: just because you fall into a pattern doesn’t mean that you have to stay in it.

The first—and often hardest—step is to notice that you are stuck at all. The best way to do that is by taking a step back from your daily life. You can physically step back (get distance, go on a holiday, disrupt your routine.) You can mentally step back (engage in reflection exercises, consider your values, imagine your future self.) Or you can lean on others to help you to see your life from a different angle (asking for feedback, considering what your role models would do.) From there, you can ask yourself: what new choices might better serve me?

11/14/2025

Who is your bridge?
And who can you be a bridge for?

11/12/2025

Old Happy culture taught you that, if you can just find a way to be perfect, then everything will be okay.

Then you’ll be happy.
Then you’ll feel like you belong.
Then you’ll be able to make a difference in the world.

It doesn’t work that way. In fact, it’s the opposite: the sooner that you realize that you’re acceptable right now, exactly as you are, the sooner you will be able to be happy, to discover your sense of belonging, and to make a positive impact on others.

Start saying to yourself, “I’m acceptable right now, exactly as I am.” Then watch what happens—how your self-acceptance helps you to grow.

Get this post as a free wallpaper pack for light and dark mode at thenewhappy.com/wallpaper-accept

11/11/2025

“You need more.” This message runs like a river through Old Happy culture, affecting us from a very early age.

Research shows, however, that the pursuit of more stuff doesn’t actually make us happy. First of all, we adapt very quickly to good things in our lives. This is called hedonic adaptation. No matter what you get, you tend to get used to it. Other studies have found that people who are more materialistic —which means they value stuff and money more highly — are more likely to be lonely, struggle with their relationships, and rate themselves as less satisfied with life. Finally, studies show that once we’ve established a baseline of well-being where our needs are satisfied, chasing more and more becomes a source of ill-being.

Notice what this desire for more feels like inside of you. Maybe it’s a sort of clenching in your stomach. It could be a racing heart that signifies your fear. It could be a sense of urgency that leaves no space to pause and ask if something more is actually necessary. When you feel that feeling, ask yourself, “What need am I trying to fill here?”

With that need in mind, you can look around to figure out how you can fulfill it. Because, in truth, many of our needs can be fulfilled by simply pausing to notice, appreciate, and enjoy the good that is already present in our lives. You have people to love you, things that nourish you, community to support you, agency to make different choices, and interests to inspire you. These things can fulfill you in a way that more and more cannot.

11/10/2025

The next time that you find yourself saying, “I can’t!” here are three sentences that can help.

First, start with belief: “I can do it.” Approach the task.
Then, move to action: “I am doing it.” Take one small step, right now.
Finally, shift to reflection: “I was changed by it.” Solidify your purpose by focusing on the impact of your actions. That’s what will make it easier to show up to do it again tomorrow.

11/05/2025

Studies show that perfectionism has significantly increased over the last two decades, thanks to Old Happy culture — and along with that, there has been a corresponding rise in mental illness.

A key element of perfectionism is the fear of failure (and of believing that any mistakes, no matter how small or insignificant, are emblematic of it.) Within this worldview, mistakes are seen as proof that you are imperfect, will never be good enough, and are unworthy of love.

But if we take a step back, we can see that our past mistakes have not been all bad. Sometimes, they are blessings-in-disguise or powerful moments of transformation. They’ve helped us grow, redirected us onto better paths, or made us more compassionate people. They were how we bonded with others, who shared their mistakes with us in return.

Let’s learn to treat our mistakes, not as proof of flaws or unworthy selves, but as an inevitable part of being a human. It’s okay to mess up. In fact, it’s perfectly normal.

11/04/2025

The coping mechanisms that you developed to help you survive might now be keeping you from thriving.

If you were hurt in the past, you might have learned that you have to isolate yourself from others in order to protect yourself. Yet doing so makes it so much harder to establish the loving, secure, and mutual relationships that will help you to be happier.

Today, look back on your past and ask yourself these three questions:
* How did I learn to protect myself from pain?
* Are those protective measures still serving me?
* If not, what would it look like to lower my guard, just a little bit?

11/03/2025

Avoiding it is easier in the short-term, but creates pain in the long-term. Facing it is harder in the short-term, but creates ease in the long-term.

We all would prefer to avoid the upsetting or painful things in life. But in trying to protect ourselves through avoidance, we often end up m increasing our suffering.

The next time this you’re avoiding something that needs to be faced, try this: think about how facing it will help you to be the person you aspire to be.

For example:
* If you’re avoiding setting a boundary, tell yourself: “I’m a person with self-respect, and this is a moment to demonstrate that.”
* If you’re avoiding a difficult conversation with a loved one, tell yourself: “I’m a person who shows up to work on my relationships, even when it’s hard.”
* If you’re avoiding a chore or responsibility, tell yourself: “I’m a person who follows through on my commitments.”

This shift in focus — from the present pain to the future gain — can help you tap into your deep well of courage. Even when it seems scary, please remember: you can face this thing.

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