The New Happy, San Francisco, CA (2025)

10/09/2025

There are two types of growth: invisible growth and visible growth.

Visible growth is wonderful. It's the moment when you see the results. You achieve a major milestone or all of your hard work pays off. You find a new job, you embark upon a new stage in your life, you complete a major project or launch a product into the world.

But what we have to keep in mind is that this visible growth is only possible because of the invisible growth that preceded it.

Invisible growth is where the real change happens. It’s where you identify your values, make important decisions, cultivate habits and self-discipline, practice over and over (and over) again, take risks, and learn from your mistakes.

Without invisible growth, there is no visible growth—and it takes a lot longer than we expect it to to see the results we're hoping for.

Sometimes, you will go through periods in your life where you won't see any visible growth — and these times can be deeply frustrating.

When that happens to you, check in with yourself: are you persisting with your invisible work? If so, stay consistent. The results will all be visible soon, and you'll be so grateful that you persevered.

10/08/2025

The question, "How are you?" is often used as perfunctory greeting, a throwaway question, or an obligation that doesn't actually request a true response. There are only a few responses that are expected (and accepted):

Good.
Fine, thanks!
Well, and you?

It's for this exact reason that, when we're trying to really connect with another person, "How are you?" isn't a good question. Our instinct tells us: this person doesn't want the true answer — they want the surface one. Our muscle memory jumps in, gives the default and appropriate response, and we miss the chance for a meaningful moment of connection.

For you might be feeling 'good' or 'fine' or 'well,' but also simultaneously 'anxious' and 'scared' and 'confused' and 'lonely' and 'excited' and 'hopeful' and 'grieving' and 'loving.' This is just how we are wired: a 2015 study found that people frequently experience positive and negative emotions at the same time.

If you want to know how someone is really doing, the key lies in that small word: really.

The next time you want to connect, try just adding one word to your typical question: "How are you, really?"

10/07/2025

When you have to hide who you are... you suffer.

When you can be who you are... you can feel more joy, build meaningful relationships, and contribute to the world.

But when you are loved for who you are... oh, that’s when you really grow, in ways that you can’t presently imagine. It’s what connects you to your truest self, and allows you to step into greater and greater becomings of that self.

That’s why one of the greatest gifts we can give someone is to love them, exactly as they are. And it’s why the greatest gift we can receive is having someone love us for who we are.

10/01/2025

Imagine you’re at a party, looking to make new friends. What do you think is going to be more successful: going up to people and openly judging them, or going up to them and being kind to them?

We all know that it’s the latter. It’s an ironclad rule: being kind to others is always the best way to build a relationship.

Yet, for some reason, we expect that rule to be invalid for the relationship we have with ourselves. We believe that we can criticize and hurt ourselves into the self that we want to be. All this does, though, is harm our relationship with that self — because while you can walk away from a judgmental stranger at a party, you can’t walk away from the judgmental self that you have to live with.

Learn more in our bestselling book New Happy—read the first chapter for free at www.thenewhappy.com

09/30/2025

When you’re feeling an intense emotion, it can color your entire experience. You are temporarily unable to look for or internalize any new information that doesn’t ‘fit’ with the emotion you’re feeling.

For example, if you are angry, all you can focus on is the source of your anger, or look for more reasons to be angry, or think about why your anger is justified. The state can last for a second or two, or last for many minutes. It all depends on our past history, our overall well-being, our choices in the moment, and how the other people involved behave.

Here’s a tip that can change your life: don’t make decisions in the middle of emotional waves. Instead, wait it out, take some space, and care for yourself until it passes. Then, you will be able to use the insights of that emotion and choose how you want to respond. This waiting will make it possible for you to tap into your wisdom and connect to your compassion-and make the choice that best serves you and others.

Get this post as a free wallpaper pack at www.thenewhappy.com/wallpaper-wait-it-out

09/29/2025

Old Happy culture has left a lot of us feeling hollow. It tells us the same story, over and over again: if you just achieve these specific things, then you will find lasting happiness. Yet the evidence doesn’t back this up. In fact, the pursuit of achievement — along with the cultural obsession we have with it — can make us very unhappy.

It’s great to have goals. But you need to make sure they lead to well-being.

Here’s one tool you can use today. Think of a goal you have set for yourself. Ask yourself: why am I pursuing this?

Is it to bolster my ego? To win in a competition against others? To prove that I am good enough? Because I was told that getting it would make me happy?

Or is it to express myself?� To be in service to others? �To make a meaningful contribution to our world? Because I’m enjoying the actual experience of pursuing it?

Aim for the latter.

You can learn more about how Old Happy has affected you—and how to fix it—in our bestselling book, New Happy! Available at www.newhappybook.com and wherever books are sold.

09/26/2025

You are worthy of love.

That means all of you. Every single part of you.

There are some parts of yourself that you might find easier to accept and love. They are probably the parts that meet a specific standard that your family, community or society set for you. We have all been told stories that dictate what is required to be worthy.

Then, there are other parts of you that you feel that you have to change, deny, overextend, or suppress. They’re the parts of you that feel hurt, ignored, lost, ashamed, confused, overwhelmed, angry, and scared. And they, too, are worthy — and they are yearning to receive love from you.

Here is one way to do this.

First, think about a difficult experience you’ve had lately. This could be a conflict with a loved one, a moment of difficult emotions, or a persistent challenge.

Now, imagine that you can connect with the part of you that was struggling in that moment.

Can you extend love to that part of you? If you’re not sure what to do, think of how you would comfort a loved one and the same scenario.

Truly, this part of you is a loved one of yours; it’s just one you have become disconnected from. As with any other relationship with any other loved one, it’s built through repeated action over time. Start today, knowing that you are creating a new, more loving relationship with all of you.

09/25/2025

That thing you’re avoiding? (Yes, you know the one.)

Today is the day to face it. You don’t have to deal with all of it—you just need to take one small step towards dealing with it.

There’s a vexing psychological quirk that is currently standing in your way: the more that you avoid something, the more your anxiety about it will build. And since you have been avoiding this thing for so long, it’s understandable that your fear is now through-the-roof.

But this fear you are feeling is not proportionate to the thing you are facing; it has been built through avoidance and it can be overcome through courage.

I promise that it is not going to be as scary as you think it is. I promise you are going to feel so much better after facing it. And I promise that you are brave enough to do it.

09/24/2025

The more we practice noticing the rise and fall of our emotions, the better we can see that they’re more like the weather than anything else: ever-changing, blending together, and impermanent.

09/22/2025

One choice at a time, you are cultivating a new way of being, replacing old patterns and instincts with new ones that are aligned with your values, hopes and true self.

09/19/2025

Experiencing or witnessing suffering has the ability to change us in one of two ways. It can make us more compassionate, more accepting, and more courageous versions of ourselves.

Or it can do the opposite, turning us into cynical, hardened, apathetic versions of ourselves. These behaviors are coping mechanisms used to protect ourselves from trauma, which unfortunately have long-term consequences on our health, happiness, and relationships.

Learn more in today's newsletter: https://www.thenewhappy.com/blog/newsletter-be-the-hope

09/18/2025

Have you ever had a small setback or stressor ruin your day? If so, you’re not alone. In a recent study, researchers found that the longer that you ‘hold on’ to the negative experience of the stressor in your mind, the more likely it is that you are going to have a day where you feel more unhappiness and stress.

The solution is paradoxical: you need to let yourself feel any emotions that were caused by the stressor. Try to label your emotions (irritation, frustration, disbelief, etc.) Acknowledge the red of it all, refraining from beating yourself up for whatever happened — experiencing small stressors is just an inevitable reality of being a human.

Get more helpful advice in our free daily newsletter: www.thenewhappy.com/daily-newsletter

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