The New Happy, San Francisco, CA (2025)

09/05/2025

We all have hopes and dreams for our lives. And life has a way of foiling those.

Losing your job. Going through a heartbreak. Getting what you want and realizing it’s not really what you want. Hearing difficult news. Navigating an illness. Experiencing the loss of a loved one.

In these moments, where life disrupts life, we have to practice holding on to two truths at the same time.

We can grieve what we hoped for. We can allow ourselves to feel our sorrow, anger, fear, envy, and frustration. We can take the time to process those emotions through talking, writing, creating, or movement. We can connect with others who know what it feels like or those who can hold our hands as we walk this road.

And at the same time, we can make the life we have—the one we didn’t choose—into a beautiful one. We can wake up and take one different action, even if it’s a struggle from beginning to end. We can celebrate the moments of joy and grace and goodness that are present, no matter how small they are. We can make something meaningful out of what we do have, something that matters to us and to others, something that becomes all the more precious for the way it was forged in suffering.

All of us will, at some point, stare down a life that looks very different than we had hoped. In these moments, I hope you will be very gentle with yourself, that you will put your hand on your heart and say to yourself, “I don’t have to choose either/or. I can do both.”

09/04/2025

When you can see the patterns in your life, it’s a lot easier to make wise changes that make you happier. That’s why we’ve made the free New Happy Daily Tracker for you!

It’s a blank version of this piece that you can fill out every day, tracking your emotions and experiences so that you can understand yourself, make better decisions, and create a happier life.

You can get it for free at www.thenewhappy.com/daily-tracker. It comes with a detailed guide and multiple templates to use. Hope it helps you!

09/03/2025

Courage might seem like a distant virtue, a term that is reserved solely for heroic acts. But it’s a virtue that is also found in the way that we live our daily lives, in making brave choices even when they feel frightening.

To try is very courageous. To live a life where you try, again and again, is to create a life of courage.

To get started, take these four steps.

Step One: Define what would be courageous for you.
This intention is really important. Sometimes, even just admitting to yourself what you really want to do is a courageous act!

Step Two: Break that courage down into steps.
If you were going to act on that intention, would the very first step look like? You don’t have to do it all today. You can break it into bits, a far more compassionate approach. Decide what the first step would look like (and make it as small as needed!)

Step Three: As you contemplate that first step, label your emotions.
One study from UCLA shows how powerful this simple act of labeling can be.

Researchers asked participants with a fear of spiders to approach a large tarantula, getting as close as they could. Afterward, they were divided into groups and given different strategies to try to help them with their fear. The first group was told to label and describe their emotional responses to the spider (“I feel afraid” or “I am so nervous.”) The other groups were either told to downplay their emotions, say something irrelevant, or not say anything at all. When everyone was brought back a week later to do the same task, it was the first group — those who labeled their emotions — who were able to cope with their fear and move forward most effectively.

Step Four: Try.
Take that action. Send the email. Do the thing. Make the call. Show up. Speak up. Whatever it is, just try.

That’s all courage is: trying, even when you’re afraid.

Learn more in our bestselling book, New Happy: www.thenewhappy.com/book

09/02/2025

There are no overnight transformations.

Here’s what change really looks like: having flashes of insight, forgetting what you just learned, struggling to practice, being tested in challenging circumstances, feeling like you’re taking a massive step back, and wondering if you’re going in the right direction.

You might beat yourself up for this, believing that there is something wrong with you and the way you’re approaching your goals. But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you—this is just exactly change works. Keep going.

09/01/2025

You think that, once you achieve what matters to you or grow into the person that you want to be, *then* you will be acceptable.

The truth is that the sooner you realize that you are acceptable right now, exactly as you are, the sooner you will be able to achieve what matters to you and grow into the person you want to be.

Start saying to yourself, “I’m acceptable right now, exactly as I am.” Then watch what happens—how your self-acceptance helps you to grow.

08/27/2025

We humans have a terrible habit of comparing our suffering.

They have it worse than you — so your pain doesn't matter.
You have it worse than them — so how dare they complain?

There is absolutely nothing to be gained from this; it's a habit that only leads to more pain, creating a vicious cycle of more suffering.

We do this because we yearn for our own pain to be acknowledged and validated. To know that someone sees how hard we've tried, how much we've lost, how broken our hearts are. And in our deepest yearning to be seen, we isolate ourselves from the very people who could give us what we want most. It's a tragedy.

To overcome this, we all need to learn both how to acknowledge our own pain and how to acknowledge others' pain. That's what will help everyone to heal and move forward.

You can start right now, with these two questions:

For yourself: pause and put your hand on your heart. Ask, "Where am I in pain, and what love do I need?"

For others: pause and think about someone in your life. Ask, "How might they be in pain, and how could I support them?"

08/22/2025

From an early age, Old Happy culture teaches us that our worthiness is based on what we achieve. You’re worthy if you’re productive, if you’re successful, if you achieve certain goals.

But when that is your basis of self-worth, you know what happens?

It feels like you can *never* stop achieving. You can never stop being productive. You can never stop pushing yourself. You have to keep competing with others. You have to grit your teeth through burnout and illness and grief and loss and pain to keep working harder and harder. Because you have been taught that your value is externally derived from what you do. That’s why we are all so terrified of not being productive and successful, of pausing, of taking breaks, or treating ourselves like human beings.

The truth is that you are worthy simply because you are a human being. Nothing that ever happens can take away that worth. Nothing that anyone thinks of you can reduce it.

If you’d like to learn more about finding an unshakeable sense of self-worth, you can pick up our bestselling book New Happy — the first chapter is free to read at www.thenewhappy.com/book

08/21/2025

There’s a sequence you’ve seen play out millions of times in your own life: An event or thought occurs → An emotion results.

For example:
Your friends leave you out → you feel rejected.
You lose your job → you feel afraid.
You are criticized → you feel shame.
You witness devastating world events → you feel helpless.

When we witness someone else who is suffering, we make one mistake again and again. We judge that arrow: why an event led to an emotion. Here’s what that sounds like:
“I wouldn’t react like that.”
“Why hasn’t she gotten over that yet?”
“She should just be grateful things aren’t worse.”
“This shouldn’t make you so upset.”
“You don’t have anything to be depressed or anxious about.”
“Compared to other people, your pain is not a big deal. Snap out of it.”

Judgment will never help alleviate pain; only empathy and compassion can do that. To tap into these qualities, we need to focus on the emotion that the other person is feeling.
Because the truth is that, while our experiences vary so greatly, our emotions are strikingly similar to one another. Pain is pain is pain; jealousy is jealousy is jealousy; anger is anger is anger. Believe it or not, your worst enemy has felt the grief you’re feeling now. Your horrible boss has been consumed with anxiety, too. We can bond over our shared experience of the emotion without ever judging why they feel this way or don’t feel that way.

Here is the process to use:
1. When you encounter someone who is in suffering, shift your focus from the event to the emotion.
2. Identify what painful emotions they might be feeling.
3. Think about a time that you felt those same emotions.
4. Try to bring yourself back to that feeling and re-immerse yourself in it as much as you can, thinking about what you wanted to hear in that moment.

When we focus on the emotions that we share, we don’t have to be torn apart by our different experiences. Instead of comparing our pain, we can be connected through it ❤️

Sign up for our free daily newsletter to get a message like this each weekday; start your day the happier way. www.thenewhappy.com/daily-newsletter

08/19/2025

Our society defines a ‘good’ relationship as the relationship that lasts the longest, even if both parties are unhappy and unfulfilled in it! With a bit of distance from our conditioning, we can see that this is both illogical and harmful. First of all, there’s no law that says a ‘good’ relationship has to last forever. Second, how can anything be good when it’s creating pain for everyone involved?

A good relationship is, at its core, something that helps those involved to grow, find joy, and become better people. Sometimes, these relationships last for a long time. Sometimes, these relationships are briefer. Either way, they can be good ones.

08/18/2025

Acceptance of what is might be one of the most challenging—yet also the most life-changing—practices there is. When we resist what is happening, we are applying a judgment to it: “This should not be happening,” “This is bad,” or “I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” This resistance makes it bigger, stronger, more powerful, harder to release.

But when we accept the present moment for what it is, we allow the experience to run its course. We open ourselves up to see a bigger picture beyond the immediate challenge. And from there, we can ultimately move past it: learning from it, letting it go, and ultimately, transcending it.

Subscribe to our free daily newsletter to start your day the happier way—with our artwork that explains the science of happiness. www.thenewhappy.com/daily-newsletter

08/15/2025

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, try this simple tool:

Step 1: List out everything you’re worrying about. Get it out of your head and onto paper.

Step 2: Look at your list, and put a star next to anything that’s within your control. Where do you have some power or responsibility?

Step 3: Look at everything that doesn’t have a star next to it. Consciously decide you’re going to put those worries down for a little while. If it helps, choose when you will revisit them.

Step 4: Go back to anything you starred, and choose one of them to focus on. Now, take just one small step that addresses the worry.

Over time, this practice helps us learn how to tease out different elements of control and impact, build our agency and resilience, and practice acceptance for what is outside of our control.

To learn more about finding control in an uncontrollable world, check out this week’s newsletter: https://www.thenewhappy.com/blog/newsletter-in-our-control

08/14/2025

Maybe our job is to let go of judging our progress and to instead allow it to unfold organically.

Maybe when we zoom out, we can see how those backward steps fit into the remarkable progress we have made, and we can use that perspective to stop judging ourselves so harshly.

Maybe we humans are not meant to march forward in a smooth, unbroken line of productive progress.

Maybe the steps backward are where we reconnect to our humanity; to remember how it feels to struggle so we can extend compassion to others when they are in the same spot.

Maybe just like a slingshot being drawn back, the backward step gives us the force needed to propel us forward.

Maybe learning how to extend tender love and care to ourselves when we experience a setback is exactly what we are supposed to get out of the journey.

Maybe we can learn to see that a backward step is something to celebrate, because it means that we are still, despite all the challenges, working towards something that matters.

Maybe joy is found in embracing all of the steps—forwards, backwards, sideways—and trusting that the journey is the reward itself.

The New Happy

09/05/2025

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