Relationship Skills for People of All Genders and Orientations

Relationship Skills for People of All Genders and Orientations Relationship Skills Workshops offered online for people of all genders and orientations. Why Repair When You Can Prepare? You are also who I want to reach.

Relationship Skills for People of All Genders and Orientations
I am so excited to announce an upcoming offering that I am putting together for all of the people who have reached out to me over the years from states I am not licensed to practice in. I have wished I had a way to help support you in improving your relationships when I can only see a limited number of therapy clients and I cannot practice outside of the state of California. I am offering a skills-building workshop/club for people of all genders and orientations that will teach you all of the tools people learn in couples and relationship therapy, and hopefully do it in a way that helps you prepare for conflict rather than try to repair things after it has happened. People spend thousands of dollars or more on relationship therapy, often waiting until it’s too late to seek counseling. At a minimum, partners who see me for ten sessions spend about $4500 on relationship therapy. But most distressed couples need more than ten sessions. Many people need at least six months of therapy, especially when they are recovering from multiple relationship ruptures or they have developed dysfunctional patterns that need significant effort to change. If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, “Wait, I’m pretty happy in my relationship,” then that’s great news! Consider this workshop an investment that could potentially help you avoid the most common relationship problems, improve your communication and empathy, and help identify when you should get help before serious damage has harmed your relationships. Research shows that people in relationships wait an average of 6 years after the first signs of relationship distress to get help. Don’t let that be you! Prepare now so that you can recognize what the signs are and learn the tools that will help keep your love alive. And trust me, these exercises are much more fun and useful to building your relationship skills when you are still in the foundational stages of your love. I am offering safe but engaging workshops that will help you learn how to assess the current state of health of your relationship(s), practice skills to enhance connection and positivity, and identify when you may need additional help. Since you will not be coming in with things already broken, this gives us the opportunity to use our time with me teaching you the tools and exercises that can take many sessions to integrate with distressed people. YOU’LL LEARN:
*How to avoid the four biggest predictors of relationship distress;
*How to understand your attachment styles and how these may come into play during times of conflict;
*How to identify your (and your partner’s) preferred ways of giving and receiving love;
*How to approach difficult conversations and repair ruptures in your relationship;
*How to take these skills home and continue to work on increasing the love and connection in your relationships. This group is especially welcoming of LGBTQ folks, people of color, polyamorous people, s*x workers and their partners, and kinksters. All participants are advised that members should not be actively addicted to any substance at the time of the Intensive training and that relationships be free of abuse, intimidation, and domestic violence. You will not have to worry about coming into a room with a therapist/teacher or attendees who don’t “get” who you are. Individuals and single people are welcome, and couples, triads, and polycules are especially encouraged to attend together to get the additional benefit of practicing in the workshop and to enhance skill building post-workshop. You will leave with ideas and materials to help you continue to work on your partnership(s). These intensive trainings will be fun, informative, bonding, and educational. Some of it may be challenging, and parts of it will feel like play. You will learn together, and you will leave with a clearer awareness of how to better nurture your romantic relationships.

03/17/2026

Defensiveness is very human! When someone points out a problem, many of us immediately feel the urge to explain ourselves, clarify what really happened, or show that the situation is not as simple as it sounds.

Defensiveness often shows up as explaining why you did what you did, denying that it happened the way your partner described, or pointing out that they do the same thing. It can also show up as saying that bringing the issue up was hurtful. In all of these cases, the response becomes a rebuttal to the complaint instead of a response to the feeling underneath it.

The tricky part is that defensiveness feels logical and protective in the moment. Unfortunately, it often escalates the conversation rather than calming it.

The alternative isn’t admitting that you are a terrible partner or accepting all the blame. The alternative is listening for the kernel of truth in the complaint and responding to the experience your partner is describing.

Sometimes that simply sounds like acknowledging that you can see how something might have been upsetting or frustrating. That small move (choosing validation instead of rebuttal) often changes the tone of the entire conversation.

Be sure to follow me for more content about defensiveness ❤️

03/15/2026

Defensiveness usually sounds like 👇

“I only said that because you…”
“You’re overreacting!”
“That’s not what happened.”
“You do that too!”

Inside, it often feels like needing the other person to know you’re not the ‘bad’ one, or feeling accused and wanting to explain yourself.

From a therapy perspective, defensiveness is usually a nervous system response. Your body hears criticism and instantly moves into building a case, correcting details, explaining your intentions, or flipping the blame back.

The problem is that when you’re busy protecting your own goodness, there’s no room to be curious about your partner’s experience. You’re listening for the part that’s WRONG, instead of the part that’s TRUE ENOUGH to matter.

Connection doesn’t mean you have to agree with every single word, but you need to be able to pause long enough to hear how the other person feels.

It’s in the shift from proving to understanding that real, lasting repair can happen in your relationship.

If this is something you can relate to, then be sure to follow me because I am launching something a little later this year that will help you stop falling back on defensiveness and rebuild your emotional connection instead ❤️

Defensiveness is when we push back on what a partner is saying, rather than truly listening. It usually means your nervo...
03/12/2026

Defensiveness is when we push back on what a partner is saying, rather than truly listening. It usually means your nervous system is trying to protect you. The problem is that while it’s busy protecting you, it makes it very hard to stay connected with your partner(s) because you can’t really be on their side if you feel like you’re on trial.

Save this post to help you recognize any patterns of defensiveness in your relationship ❤️

03/10/2026

The four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse are: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling 🐎

If you notice defensiveness showing up in your relationship, here’s what you need to do 👇

→ Pause and notice what’s happening in your body, not just in your head.
→ Name one feeling and one piece of truth, for example, “I feel embarrassed, and I can also see how I hurt you.”
→ Take even a small bit of responsibility for your part.
→ Ask, “Can you tell me more about what that was like for you?”

Follow me for more insights about how defensiveness shows up in relationships and how to handle it ❤️

03/08/2026

You start with little ways of giving up: Telling yourself all long-term relationships are like this, laughing off hurtful comments as just their sense of humor, brushing off the knot in your stomach after every argument because at least you’re not breaking up… And you minimize your own experience 😔

From my side of the therapy room, what I see is that this unhappiness rarely stays hidden. It leaks out as resentment, numbing, secret-keeping, affairs, overwork, or a complete shutdown of intimacy. It also shapes what you model for any kids who are watching what love looks like.

When you normalize unhappiness, you also normalize never learning the skills that could actually help: conflict tools, boundaries, repair, asking for what you need, and listening in a way that doesn’t collapse you or your partner(s).

Therapy isn’t about proving your relationship is bad enough to need outside help; it’s about deciding that chronic disconnection, loneliness, or walking on eggshells isn’t the version of love you want to keep rehearsing.

If this is something you can relate to, then be sure to follow me because I am launching something a little later this year that will help you rebuild your emotional connection ❤️

When couples don’t have repair skills, every conflict has a lingering aftertaste. The fight might stop, but it doesn’t r...
03/05/2026

When couples don’t have repair skills, every conflict has a lingering aftertaste. The fight might stop, but it doesn’t really end… it just gets pushed underground.

Download my free guide to emotional flooding at https://drkkolmes.com/flooding/ and start the journey of learning those essential relationship skills ❤️

03/04/2026

There’s nothing like a major life event to shake things up in your relationship! But needing and seeking support when you hit a rough patch with your partner(s) means the relationship matters enough to you to care for it.

Want insights from a relationship therapist delivered straight to your inbox? Grab my free guide to managing flooding in your relationship(s) and join my mailing list at https://drkkolmes.com/flooding/ ❤️

03/01/2026

That disconnected feeling could mean your connection has been running on autopilot for a while! 👇

It’s so easy to look at this and think, “If we were really right for each other, it wouldn’t feel this hard.”

But in reality, it often means you’re both stressed or running out of capacity, or you never learned how to repair properly after conflict.

If you can name the disconnection, you can start to do something different together: smaller bids for connection, clearer boundaries, gentler starts to hard conversations, and real repair after you mess up.

If this is something you can relate to, then be sure to follow me because I am launching something a little later this year that will help you rebuild your emotional connection ❤️

Have you noticed a shift in your conflict style or patterns since becoming parents? 🤔
02/26/2026

Have you noticed a shift in your conflict style or patterns since becoming parents? 🤔

02/25/2026

When you slow conflict down, get curious instead of defensive, and come back to repair after you mess up, arguments can become moments of connection-building instead of proof you don’t work well together 💬

If this is something you can relate to, then be sure to follow me because I am launching something a little later this year that will help you rebuild your emotional connection ❤️

02/22/2026

Most of us learned about relationship conflict by watching what happened at home: maybe people raised their voices and said cutting things, went silent for days, made jokes that stung, or pretended nothing was wrong and moved on like it never happened 💬

So now, when you and your partner(s) argue, it can feel like:

💔 Someone has to “win” and someone has to “lose”

💔 You either explode or shut down

💔 You get stuck repeating old hurts instead of staying with the current issue

💔 You both walk away feeling alone, unseen, or punished

It’s easy to think that’s just the way you (or relationships in general) are, but fighting well is actually more about skills than character.

The good news is that you can learn to do this differently, whatever your gender, orientation, or relationship structure.

If this is something you can relate to, then be sure to follow me because I am launching something a little later this year that will teach you how to argue better ❤️

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