Relationship Skills for People of All Genders and Orientations

Relationship Skills for People of All Genders and Orientations Relationship Skills Workshops offered online for people of all genders and orientations. Why Repair When You Can Prepare? You are also who I want to reach.

Relationship Skills for People of All Genders and Orientations
I am so excited to announce an upcoming offering that I am putting together for all of the people who have reached out to me over the years from states I am not licensed to practice in. I have wished I had a way to help support you in improving your relationships when I can only see a limited number of therapy clients and I cannot practice outside of the state of California. I am offering a skills-building workshop/club for people of all genders and orientations that will teach you all of the tools people learn in couples and relationship therapy, and hopefully do it in a way that helps you prepare for conflict rather than try to repair things after it has happened. People spend thousands of dollars or more on relationship therapy, often waiting until it’s too late to seek counseling. At a minimum, partners who see me for ten sessions spend about $4500 on relationship therapy. But most distressed couples need more than ten sessions. Many people need at least six months of therapy, especially when they are recovering from multiple relationship ruptures or they have developed dysfunctional patterns that need significant effort to change. If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, “Wait, I’m pretty happy in my relationship,” then that’s great news! Consider this workshop an investment that could potentially help you avoid the most common relationship problems, improve your communication and empathy, and help identify when you should get help before serious damage has harmed your relationships. Research shows that people in relationships wait an average of 6 years after the first signs of relationship distress to get help. Don’t let that be you! Prepare now so that you can recognize what the signs are and learn the tools that will help keep your love alive. And trust me, these exercises are much more fun and useful to building your relationship skills when you are still in the foundational stages of your love. I am offering safe but engaging workshops that will help you learn how to assess the current state of health of your relationship(s), practice skills to enhance connection and positivity, and identify when you may need additional help. Since you will not be coming in with things already broken, this gives us the opportunity to use our time with me teaching you the tools and exercises that can take many sessions to integrate with distressed people. YOU’LL LEARN:
*How to avoid the four biggest predictors of relationship distress;
*How to understand your attachment styles and how these may come into play during times of conflict;
*How to identify your (and your partner’s) preferred ways of giving and receiving love;
*How to approach difficult conversations and repair ruptures in your relationship;
*How to take these skills home and continue to work on increasing the love and connection in your relationships. This group is especially welcoming of LGBTQ folks, people of color, polyamorous people, s*x workers and their partners, and kinksters. All participants are advised that members should not be actively addicted to any substance at the time of the Intensive training and that relationships be free of abuse, intimidation, and domestic violence. You will not have to worry about coming into a room with a therapist/teacher or attendees who don’t “get” who you are. Individuals and single people are welcome, and couples, triads, and polycules are especially encouraged to attend together to get the additional benefit of practicing in the workshop and to enhance skill building post-workshop. You will leave with ideas and materials to help you continue to work on your partnership(s). These intensive trainings will be fun, informative, bonding, and educational. Some of it may be challenging, and parts of it will feel like play. You will learn together, and you will leave with a clearer awareness of how to better nurture your romantic relationships.

11/23/2025

When we’re hurt, we often seek validation. Sometimes it can help us feel assured that we’re not overreacting. Or we may seek people who can affirm that they would feel the same way. Sometimes, we are seeking proof that our pain makes sense 💔

That’s often when we invite outside voices into the conversation: friends, family, even our therapist.

When emotional safety breaks down in a relationships, we may start outsourcing it. We bring in other people’s opinions to hold the weight of what our partner can’t (or won’t) hear.

It’s an understandable response, but it can have a cost.

Every time you reference those outside voices (“my friend says,” “my therapist agrees”), you reinforce a story that says “I don’t trust you to understand me unless someone else confirms my perspective for me.”

Over time, that can deepen the disconnection you’re trying to fix.

Healthy communication isn’t about collecting your jury. It’s about rebuilding enough trust to stand on your own feelings without needing an audience. That might mean slowing down, regulating your body, and finding language that comes from self-awareness instead of defense.

A conversation grounded in calm curiosity sounds very different from one powered by proof-seeking.

If that kind of steadiness feels hard to reach when you’re triggered, my free Flooding Relaxation Guide can help you get there. It’s a simple tool to calm your nervous system so your words can land where they’re meant to… between you and the person you care about. Grab it at the link in my bio! ❤️

11/23/2025

When we’re hurt, we often seek validation. Sometimes it can help us feel assured that we’re not overreacting. Or we may seek people who can affirm that they would feel the same way. Sometimes, we are seeking proof that our pain makes sense 💔

That’s often when we invite outside voices into the conversation: friends, family, even our therapist.

When emotional safety breaks down in a relationships, we may start outsourcing it. We bring in other people’s opinions to hold the weight of what our partner can’t (or won’t) hear.

It’s an understandable response, but it can have a cost.

Every time you reference those outside voices (“my friend says,” “my therapist agrees”), you reinforce a story that says “I don’t trust you to understand me unless someone else confirms my perspective for me.”

Over time, that can deepen the disconnection you’re trying to fix.

Healthy communication isn’t about collecting your jury. It’s about rebuilding enough trust to stand on your own feelings without needing an audience. That might mean slowing down, regulating your body, and finding language that comes from self-awareness instead of defense.

A conversation grounded in calm curiosity sounds very different from one powered by proof-seeking.

If that kind of steadiness feels hard to reach when you’re triggered, my free Flooding Relaxation Guide can help you get there. It’s a simple tool to calm your nervous system so your words can land where they’re meant to… between you and the person you care about. Grab it at https://drkkolmes.com/flooding/ ❤️

There’s a point where healthy processing turns into outsourcing your relationship communication. And here are five subtl...
11/20/2025

There’s a point where healthy processing turns into outsourcing your relationship communication. And here are five subtle signs you might be crossing that line.

If you notice you’re turning to your support team instead of your partner because the conversations feel too charged, my free Flooding Relaxation Guide can help you calm your body before you speak. It’s a small practice that makes those hard talks less scary and a lot more productive! Download it for free at https://drkkolmes.com/flooding/ ❤️

11/19/2025

When you bring up a conflict to your partner, remember: they’re not in a relationship with your therapist or your best friend. They’re in a relationship with you.

It’s easy to build your case based upon what others think (especially when we’re hurt or looking for reassurance), but that can take the focus off what actually matters: your feelings and your needs.

Try leading with your experience instead.
💬 “When you did X, I felt Y. What I really need is Z.”

That simple shift invites connection instead of defensiveness, and helps you both stay on the same team.

Follow for more tools to communicate clearly, repair faster, and feel more understood in your relationships ❤️

11/16/2025

When we start outsourcing emotional validation (asking others to confirm that what we feel is “right”) we can lose touch with our own inner compass. It also puts pressure on friends to take sides instead of helping us reflect on our own experience!

What your partner needs isn’t a verdict from your support team. What they need is to understand you.

So before you ask for validation, try giving it to yourself first. Acknowledge your feelings, name what you need, and then share that directly with your partner.

Want to learn how to stay grounded and communicate with clarity, even when emotions run high (without using other people’s opinions as backup)? Download my free Flooding Relaxation Guide https://drkkolmes.com/flooding/ ❤️

Conflict is part of every real relationship. The goal isn’t to avoid it; it’s to move through it in ways that build conn...
11/13/2025

Conflict is part of every real relationship. The goal isn’t to avoid it; it’s to move through it in ways that build connection, not break it.

Want help building those skills? Download a free guide to managing flooding in your relationship at https://drkkolmes.com/flooding/

11/12/2025

It can feel good to have people agree with you or remind you that you’re right.

But when we invite others to offer commentary on our relationship conflicts, we can accidentally turn a partner into a villain and make repair harder. Those outside voices can amplify our version of the story instead of helping us understand what’s happening between us and our partner.

Before bringing others in, pause and ask: What do I really need right now? Validation? Support? Or to be understood by my partner?

Follow for more on the hidden ways we can create distance in our relationships, and what to do instead ❤️

The Greek Chorus (and why you should keep it out of your relationship conflicts) - https://mailchi.mp/d5474a23a612/lette...
11/11/2025

The Greek Chorus (and why you should keep it out of your relationship conflicts) - https://mailchi.mp/d5474a23a612/letter-to-editor-9213878

Sometimes, will be sitting with a couple and one person throws in that "my friend happens to think I'm right." Or sometimes, one of my individual therapy clients will tell me that their partner’s therapist said that my client was “wrong,” or “out of line.”

11/09/2025

Imagine bringing something uncomfortable to your partner… and instead of it spiralling into defensiveness or distance, you both walk away feeling more connected.

That’s not just relationship luck! It’s actually a skill you can learn. And it starts with one small habit that can completely change the tone of your conversations:

Let your partner know what kind of conversation you're hoping to have, and check that now is a good time.

That’s it.

That one move can lower tension before it starts.

Try something like:
“Hey, I want to bring something up that’s been on my mind. Is now okay?”
or
“Can we talk about something a little tricky when you’ve got the headspace?”

Some people need even more specificity: “Can I bring up a complaint?” or “Can we try to do some repair on the argument we had later?”

When you do this, you’re creating the conditions for connection.

You’re giving your partner a chance to check in with themselves.
You’re building consent into the conversation.
And you’re reminding both of you that this isn’t about winning, it’s about staying connected while working through something uncomfortable.

If they say now isn’t a good time, that’s fine, but it becomes their responsibility to revisit it. That accountability matters too.

So many people do better when they’re given a moment to mentally prepare for a harder conversation. It helps them listen more openly, speak less reactively, and stay focused on the relationship rather than feeling under attack.

Hard conversations don’t have to mean conflict.
When you lead with intention and care, they can actually be moments of repair and even intimacy.

This small habit can change everything, so save this post as a reminder for next time ❤️

These mistakes create distance, resentment, and disconnection over time 💔Ready to unlearn these patterns and build the s...
11/06/2025

These mistakes create distance, resentment, and disconnection over time 💔

Ready to unlearn these patterns and build the skills for real connection, even in hard moments?

Follow me for more!

The truth is, most of us don’t get taught how to handle conflict with care, stay grounded during tough conversations, or...
11/05/2025

The truth is, most of us don’t get taught how to handle conflict with care, stay grounded during tough conversations, or build emotional safety in real time. That’s what this course is all about: practical tools, real connection, and skills you can use immediately, whether you're in a relationship or wanting to prepare for one.

🆕 A new self-paced version of my Relationship Skills for All Genders and Orientations is coming soon! Perfect if live courses are hard to fit into your schedule.

✨ Follow me so you don’t miss the launch. You’ll want to be first in line.

11/02/2025

It’s easy to feel close when everything’s going well. When your needs are met without asking. When there’s no conflict. When your nervous system stays regulated and your conversations are easy.

But that isn’t the full measure of intimacy.

Intimacy isn’t just about shared joy, deep attraction, or aligned values.
It’s about whether your relationship can hold discomfort without breaking.

Can you both stay present when something hard needs to be said?
Can you tolerate the awkwardness of a repair conversation without rushing past it?
Can you make space for each other’s anger, fear, jealousy, or disappointment without making it unsafe to be real?

These moments are where intimacy deepens because they reveal something important:
This is a relationship where truth is allowed.
Where difference can exist.
Where conflict doesn’t equal rejection.

Avoiding discomfort might keep things polite, but it also keeps them shallow.

And if you're constantly working to avoid tension, it's worth asking:
What kind of intimacy am I building?
One where we only feel close when things are easy?
Or one where we know how to move through hard things with care?

Because real closeness isn’t built on perfection.
It’s built on courage, repair, and the willingness to get messy together.

What do you think?

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