Intimacy Perspectives

03/25/2025

EMPATHS
For the Fierce Tender Ones

This is for the Empaths.
Compassionate Anchors.
Courageous Encouragers.
Those who refuse to bow to despair,
collapse, numbness, hatred, or apathy

This is for the defiant ones—
Creatives: Dancers. Poets. Artists.
Muses
Journalists writing with couragous integrity.
Furies with fire.
Mystics with stillness.
The ones who stay awake
Present and transcendent to Heart and Soul

For those who
pray, meditate, mediate,
inquire within and with others,
refusing to turn away.

Family tenders,
Devoted ones.
Therapists. Protesters.
Healers. Wisdom keepers.
Ancestors in the flesh.
Friends who hold the thread.
Those who care—
still—for humanity.

This song is for you.

Because compassion for collective suffering—
is no soft task.
It is not easy work.
It asks everything and offers no applause.
But still, you show up.

Even saints and angels
might balk at compassion for the cruel.
But you—
you dare to keep your heart human.

Compassion doesn’t mean non-action.
Kindness doesn’t mean silence.

Each of our voices matters.
Each of our gifts counts.
Each of our spirits adds fire
to the circle of light
that faces the storm.

We stand in the fire,
offering water.
We stand in the storm,
offering song.
We stand in this strange, sacred theater of life,
offering presence,
offering truth,
offering love.

You matter.
Follow the call.
Offer your gift.
Hold your place in the circle.
The world is watching.
The earth is listening.
And the ancestors are singing our names

Ai assisted.

08/02/2024

Inspired. Imaginative. Innovative. Inventive. Living outside of boxes, creative & original, irreverent & reverent, delightful presence.

08/01/2024

Fascinating analysis of the faux-philosophical basis of Vance’s world-view. Jay Michaelson is brilliant!

07/14/2024

Dr Ruth was truly a great woman who survived revived and thrived trauma to become a joyful and wise teacher who opened up simple and fun ways to talk about s*x. Brilliant!! RIP Dr Ruth 💙🌈there’s only one of you 💫

I'm deeply saddened to hear of the passing of my esteemed colleague, Dr. Ruth Westheimer. I vividly recall the first time I encountered the spunky s*x therapist with the exotic accent. I thought, "How wise! She is the myth-busting grandmother, the insightful foreigner who pierces the dark corners of another culture, and the refugee who has faced enough adversity to become fearless." To me, she was the woman who understood pain and loss, and who became the outspoken voice on the erotic.

Her influence extended beyond the realm of s*x; she embodied aliveness, vibrancy, pleasure, and joy. That bold message resonated deeply with me. During my initial years in the United States, I was self-conscious about my accent and my identity as someone not "Made in America." How could I effectively communicate my views on U.S. social norms? Dr. Ruth showed me there was more than the conventional path.

She was a media sensation who used her platform to champion post-traumatic growth. She spoke to millions, challenging the social status quo around the nuclear family, LGBTQIA+, abortion, and AIDS. Listening to her, and identifying as a fellow European, as a child of parents directly affected by the Holocaust, and as a therapist, I gained the confidence to explore the intricacies of erotic desire myself. I never had grandparents, but I often thought that if I could choose the grandmother of my dreams, it would be Dr. Ruth.

07/14/2024

Transforming wounds into blessings. Honoring our wounds
as portals helps guide us through our collective trauma

07/14/2024

Responsiveness.

06/07/2024

I share a storyslam performance here that speaks to generational healing via a personal story. Enjoy!

Enjoy the power of family storytelling in this video where Michael Gelbart shares his family story about his experience with his grandmother. A beautiful nar...

05/17/2024

M and Ai “convo” on how our ancestry shapes communication and feedback patterning.

Including an Ai generated image of feedback circuitry!

Here’s the content, shaped in “our” “dialogue”. Lmk in comments if you find any of the information is useful.

Ps. This would have taken me much painstaking time to write, edit, refine, perfect,…. Call me lazy, curious, inspired, experimental,… your “feedback” welcome 😉

M. How does our ancestral lineage shape our abilities to give and receive feedback?

Ai. Our ancestral lineage can deeply influence how we give and receive feedback in several ways:

1. **Cultural Background**: Different cultures have their own norms and values that dictate communication styles, including how feedback is given and received. For instance, some cultures might emphasize directness, while others might value a more indirect approach to avoid confrontation.

2. **Family Dynamics**: The way our families handle criticism and praise can teach us how to interpret and respond to feedback. If we grew up in an environment where feedback was given constructively and with support, we might be more receptive to it. Conversely, if feedback was often harsh or scarce, we might be more defensive or sensitive.

3. **Historical Experiences**: The historical experiences of our ancestors, such as colonization, migration, or discrimination, can also shape our collective behaviors and attitudes towards authority and feedback. Groups that have faced oppression may either distrust feedback from certain sources or place a higher value on community harmony over individual critique.

4. **Learned Behaviors**: Certain behaviors and responses are modeled over generations. This includes how openly we communicate, how we handle conflict, and how we support each other in growth and development.

Understanding these influences can help us be more mindful in our interactions and possibly work towards more effective ways of communicating, especially in diverse settings.

M. Thank you. Now make more practical

Ai. Certainly! Here are some practical tips to consider when giving and receiving feedback, taking into account the influence of our ancestral lineage:

1. **Self-awareness**: Reflect on your own background and how it might affect your communication style. Recognize any biases or sensitivities you might have towards giving or receiving feedback.

2. **Cultural Sensitivity**: When interacting with others, try to understand their cultural background and how it might influence their communication preferences. Adapt your approach accordingly—whether that means being more direct or more gentle, depending on what might be more respectful and effective.

3. **Clear Communication**: Aim for clarity and kindness in your feedback. Be specific about what actions or behaviors you are addressing, and always offer constructive suggestions for improvement.

4. **Seek Understanding**: When receiving feedback, ask questions to clarify the points made and ensure you understand the feedback fully. This helps avoid misunderstandings that could be colored by cultural or familial misinterpretations.

5. **Foster a Growth Mindset**: Cultivate an environment—whether at home, work, or in community settings—where feedback is seen as a tool for growth and improvement, not criticism. This can help break down defenses and encourage more open, productive conversations.

6. **Practice**: Regularly engage in exercises or training sessions that improve your communication skills, including how to give and receive feedback effectively across different cultural contexts.

By integrating these practices, you can better navigate the complex ways our backgrounds influence our interactions and become more effective in your personal and professional relationships.

M. Please make the practical guidance more informal and inspiring

Ai. Absolutely! Here’s a more relaxed and inspiring take on using our diverse backgrounds to enhance how we give and receive feedback:

1. **Know Yourself**: Start by tuning into your own story. What has shaped you? Understanding your unique background can help you recognize why you respond to feedback the way you do. It's like being your own detective in the world of communication.

2. **Embrace Differences**: Remember, everyone's got a story, just like you. When you’re chatting with someone from a different background, think of it as a mini-adventure into their world. Adjusting your feedback style can turn a simple chat into a bridge between cultures.

3. **Keep It Clear and Kind**: Whether you’re giving a thumbs up or a gentle nudge for improvement, keep your words clear and kind. It’s not just about what you say, but how you say it that can turn feedback into a tool for growth.

4. **Ask and Understand**: When it’s your turn to receive feedback, stay curious. Ask questions if things aren’t clear. It’s like putting together a puzzle—it all makes more sense when you know where each piece goes.

5. **Grow Together**: Cultivate a space—whether it’s at work, at home, or with friends—where feedback is all about growing together. Imagine it as nurturing a garden where every bit of advice helps someone flourish.

6. **Practice Makes Perfect**: The more you practice giving and receiving feedback across cultures, the better you’ll get. It’s like learning a dance—step by step, you’ll find the rhythm that works for everyone.

Dive into these practices with an open heart and a dash of courage, and watch how they transform your conversations and connections!

05/09/2024

Over 80% of Greek Jews were annihilated during the Holocaust. Renée Benmeleh joins us to share the stories of her fierce Yiayia who survived the N**i machine against tremendous odds with tenacity, spirit, and a love of life

episode link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/greek-like-me/id1671025185?i=1000655100116

***s #ελλινες -nourishment

04/22/2024

On the art of giving and receiving feedback: boy can it get us into trouble!! and can also be crucial, helpful and necessary for relational repair and connectedness.

Let me first give Beatriz Ehrenfried credit for this list. She suggests not just thinking twice but thinking 10 times. So here’s our list:

1. Am I the right person to be giving this person the feedback? How much skin do I have in this game? How strong is the relationship? Is it my business?

2. How is it? How are my beliefs, triggers, perceptions, and projections involved in what I feel moved to share?

3. Can I deliver the information I want to share with kindness and compassion? Check your emotions: how charged are you? How judgy? How much observer do you have on board to be able to stay in kindness and compassion with their response?

4. Are you clear with your intentions? Can you state that clearly first so the other person knows where you’re coming from?

5. Know your audience: What do you know about this person? What kind of relationship is it? Is there enough credit in the emotional bank account between the two of you that there’s a likelihood they’d be able to receive what you have to share? Are you resourced, grounded and connected enough that you’re likely to be able to stay present to whatever their response maybe?

6. Context: Are you offering your feedback at the best place, time and format? Would delivery be best in person (likely), on the phone, in an email or in text? That’s a key to the likelihood of success, and again goes back to knowing our “clearing partner”.

Would it be better to have someone mediate and hold space for this intent to clear, if it’s that important and likely difficult?

7. Would it be harmful to your relationship to not share that? Would you be holding grudges and resentments and be distancing from that person if you didn’t share? What are the likely impacts of not sharing?

8. How likely is it that they’re holding something against you that they might need to clear? If it’s obvious because there’s a mutual triggering, it can be very helpful to offer to them to clear first then you can practice, reflective, listening, curiosity, patience, and reflections that would be skillful, offering what you want and modeling that in ways that would create more likely hood for them to be able to reciprocate and kind.

9. Abraham Lincoln said “tactfulness is the ability to see someone as they see themselves.”
Tactful, can you be in your delivery. Very helpful to acknowledge the other first, their value to you, how much you care about them and your connection to them (if you do). Couching and appreciations first is high-level skill.

10. Let’s give the Buddhist teachings around this the final word:

A. Is it true?
B. Is it kind?
C. Is it helpful?
D. Does it improve upon the silence?

I’m sure that I’ve failed in the skills hundreds of times over the years. I’ve also failed in my ability to receive feedback— without going into defend, freeze, fight, counter attack. 

I’ve been studying in the Thomas Hübl world, the arts and practices of transparent communication. If you’re interested in that, check him out online — there’s an international community of practitioners with established structures, processes, and practices that generate profound collective healing.

I offer this work in different contexts as a human, friend, practitioner, couples therapist, and conflict mediator. I’m offering groups to practice the arts of transparent communication to generational context that impact our perceptions, emotions, beliefs, and skills. we can together create culture that braces these practices. Let me know if you’re interested!!

As Michael Jordan said “I fail over and over again, and that’s how I succeed”.

04/01/2024

This is what is emerging and whats next: I am excited!

Generational Listening and Ancestral Healing Circles are spaces where we explore our family stories, heal ancestral trauma, and find clarity in our identities and purpose.

What are Generational Listening Circles?

In these circles, we come together to share our lineage stories in a safe and supportive environment. Through guided processes, we listen, witness, and attune to each other's experiences. We create a cultural commons where we collectively expand our understanding of our shared wisdom and heritage.

How do Generational Listening Circles help?

These circles support us in accessing ancestral wisdom, healing from past traumas, and clarifying our responsibilities. They provide guidance for:

Accessing Ancestral Source Wisdom
Developing compassion individually and collectively
Transforming lineage trauma
Creating empowering narratives
Healing from toxic beliefs and shame
Undoing racism, anti-semitism, and gender oppression
Reconnecting with earth-based wisdom

https://www.youtube.com//videos
Shifting perspectives and discovering universal truths
Why join Generational Listening Circles?

By participating in these circles, we deepen our understanding of ourselves and our multi-generational contexts. We move from fragmentation to wholeness, confusion to coherence. We honor our ancestors, heal our connections, and embrace our unique callings.

How do Sacred Wisdom Councils work?

Sacred Wisdom Councils are like soul archaeology digs where we explore, reveal, and transform our ancestral inheritances. Through storytelling and mindful listening, we unearth gems of resilience, passion, and meaning. We create a witness field where we honor our ancestors and turn trauma into healing.

What to expect from Sacred Wisdom Councils?

In these councils, we ground ourselves, explore our ancestral energy field, and repair fragmentation. We open portals to our explicit and implicit stories, gaining wisdom and ancestral blessings. We honor our ancestral strategies and expand our awareness, re-imagining our histories with colorful meta-field awareness.

Join us in the journey of healing and transformation!

Through Generational Listening and Ancestral Healing Circles, we become more whole, find clarity in our backgrounds, and liberate our true selves. We honor the past, embrace the present, and create a fulfilling future together.

By cultivating creative, collaborative communication conversations we bring more effectiveness to our relationships. Here you will find tools, practices, an...

03/19/2024

Life Is Both Terrible and Wonderful
Paradox Is Closest to the Truth

ROB BREZSNY
How ramshackle, how brilliant, how haphazardly and strangely rendered we are. Gloriously, fantastically mixed and monstered. We exist as phantom, monster, miracle, each a theme park all one's own

Yes!! This is very true and relevant as winter turns into spring, as st Patrick’s commemorates the green earth and the removal of snakes from the grass, as Hebrews practice the festival of reversals, the holiday of paradox, Jewish Mardi Gras, Purim.

Plot twist and turns, unpredictability, villains, and heroes, protagonist and antagonist, combining like yin and Yang 🌀⚡️