05/01/2019
One year ago this month I learned that I am on the autism spectrum. While I have no official diagnosis, I’m pretty sure it’s the case. My whole life, things have just seemed a little… strange somehow, and I couldn’t figure out why. I knew I was different, but I didn’t 'know' I was different. So, I just kept on truckin’...
And it has been tough. Most of my life has been a series of miscommunications with the people I love most because I cannot readily communicate my day-to-day experience. Everyone else probably just thinks I’m quiet because words have never really come easy to me. I’m more a visual person, thinking in pictures and patterns and concepts more so than words. As a result, there has been a lot of static while communicating. Without a solid ability to verbally articulate my thoughts and feelings, things tend to come out wrong, or I don’t even try because I know I’ll never say what I mean to... A negative feedback loop of sorts, regularly complicated communications tend to hamper their own progress. It is frustrating wanting to share more but just not having the words to do so.
Learning I have Asperger’s Syndrome was like putting on the correct pair of glasses for the first time ever. You didn’t really know you weren’t seeing clearly before because that was just normal, and it takes some time to get used to. You start to see new details that change your perspective even though they were in front of you all the while. This is an attempt to push my boundaries again and succeed where I have previously fallen short.
While it is still month, I want to say that autism is real, and it’s okay. I’m convinced that one way life thrives is through our diversity and the experiences we share with one another. Together, because of our differences, we can see more than we would otherwise and we learn from one another by courageously sharing our stories and perspectives… Each of us is a unique expression with something to contribute that no one else ever will. Autism is one of the many differences that bring out something unique in all of us, no matter your association.
I believe through collaboration and a genuine concern for one another we can create a new normal, and in that spirit, I look forward to opening up some more and attempting to discuss the questions we all wonder about, even if I don’t do it well… Questions like;
- What is the purpose of life?
- Why do bad things happen to good people?
- Why is life so hard?
- Can we find true happiness?
- How can humankind be so inhumane while simultaneously demonstrating profound compassion and love for others?
- Why can’t we all just get along?
My own search for clues has taken me all over the world in various capacities, and from what I can tell we have all the answers, we just haven't put them together yet. I hope to explore these concepts in simple ways that help us make sense of the seeming senselessness we experience on a daily basis.
I’m also going to raise my hand and ask for your help because one thing I’ve learned over the last year is that conversation helps me verbalize what I can really only visualize on my own. We are eminently capable of amazing things when we cooperate with and care for one another, and I think we’ll surprise ourselves by what we accomplish…
Whatever your circumstances, breathe and take care of yourself and those around you. Sometimes, that is all we can do...
Love to all,
Rob
Autism Speaks
