05/05/2023
I’m sitting here in my living room, in nothing but an adult diaper and soaked nursing bra; this is the first time I’ve left our bedroom since birthing our son there 6 days ago.
Austin is in the other room changing the sheets because they are soaked with breast milk and sweat.
Physically, I feel broken. I can’t sit for too long without my stitches feeling like they’re going to pop. My b***s are so full they feel as though they’re about to explode. My ni***es are scabbed and bloody and feel like they will inevitably fall off at the slightest touch. I can’t walk too far without my insides feeling like they’re falling out.
I look around and I see a messy house. Dishes stacked up in the sink, breast-feeding supplies thrown about due to frantic 2 AM feedings. The dog’s toys everywhere. Basically it looks like a baby exploded in our house.
Now let me tell you what I feel inside. I feel so much love. I feel so much support.
A messy house means that we are prioritizing spending all of our time with our newborn son-because that’s what we’re going to remember, not the dishes in the sink. Breast-feeding supplies everywhere and sore ni***es means that our baby boy is eating and healthy and that’s all I could ever ask for. Sore stitches and the inability to walk are a sign of physical grit, and the unique ability for a woman to create and deliver life into this world. Dog toys strewn everywhere means that Draven couldn’t be happier about the situation and doesn’t want to leave her parents sides because she has a new baby brother to protect.
I see my Fiance doing everything he possibly can to take care of us. Balancing his own needs, my needs, our son’s needs, the house needs, the business’s needs etc. Scheduling visitors, putting away packages, making nutritious, nurturing meals for us, doing dishes nonstop, playing with our dog, helping me change my diaper, changing every single one of our son’s diapers; waiting on us hand and foot. Reassuring me 24/7 that he loves me and I am strong and beautiful. I feel SO MUCH love and support.
… continued in comments…