02/08/2026
In case you didn’t know, A Light of Hope has a Parent Meeting every Tuesday and Thursday 7:00 - 8:30 p.m. One of the things we do is talk about tools that help us navigate the journey with our Youth. This was written by one of our ALOH parents.
My Toolbox
When I become overwhelmed with other people’s problems that are affecting me, I think, “How do I fix this? How do I fix them?” When I started coming to A Light of Hope, I learned that I was given a toolbox. At first, I didn’t think I had one. I thought I just had worry, fear and love that ached and of course the constant urge to “fix.”
As parents, our arms have always been full. We carry diaper bags, lunch boxes, forgotten homework, hopes, dreams and the quiet belief that if we love hard enough, nothing bad will happen. When addiction or mental health issues enter, it feels like the ground gives way, but then we learn there is a useful toolbox we can carry in our arms.
At first, it is heavy and awkward. We don’t recognize the tools inside. We keep reaching for the same one – the one labeled “control” – even though it’s cracked and worn from overuse. We try to hammer reality into a shape that feels safe. We try to tighten every loose screw in someone else’s life. And, when that doesn’t work, we blame ourselves for not trying harder and being able to love them to health.
Then the day comes that we realize the toolbox isn’t for fixing them, it’s for caring for ourselves.
As we peek inside, there is “detachment with love.” It is wrapped carefully so we don’t mistake it for abandonment. Detachment reminds us that we can love our child fiercely without living inside their choices. It teaches us to step back – not because we don’t care, but because we care enough to let life be the teacher instead.
Then there is the “boundaries” tool. At first it feels selfish to use it because we are so ingrained to believe as a parent that love means endless sacrifice. Boundaries, however, show us that love can be firm and kind at the same time. They protect our peace and model self-respect, even when our heart is breaking.
Then there is that tool that is small and light, easy to overlook, “One Day at a Time.” We used to live days ahead, imagining worst-case scenarios and rehearsing conversations that never happened. This tool gently brings us back to today, just today. I can breathe. I can make the next right choice because today is enough.
Tucked in the corner of the toolbox is “Let Go and Let God.” As a parent, surrender feels like failure. But this tool doesn’t ask me to stop caring, it asks me to stop playing God. It reminds me that only He can reach places I never could.
Then there is that sturdy and dependable tool called, “meetings.” This tool reminds us that we don’t have to do it alone. When we hear other parents speak of their unspoken fears, shame loosens its grip, hope can quietly return and we can borrow strength from others until we can hold our own.
Then there is “self-compassion,” the tool we didn’t know we were allowed to use. It whispers, “you are doing the best you can with what you know today.” It reminds us that parenting in the presence of addiction is not failure – it is one of the hardest things a human can endure.
Some days we might drop the toolbox or forget it even exists. We might react instead of responding or we might pick up old tools that no longer work. But A Light of Hope can teach us that progress, not perfection is our goal.
Then, something changes. We stop measuring success by our child’s behavior and start measuring it by our own serenity.
Our job as a parent or loved one looks different from what we carry when we start to get healthy. Instead of being overwhelmed and desiring to control the outcome, we are able to come alongside our hurting loved one and love, encourage and support them on their journey with our new toolbox.
- Lori Rogers
