01/28/2019
Its time; I just read about a 13 yo boy who walked into a blizzard and died because his parents took his phone away. This tragedy forced me to review my practices and suggestions. Ive determined that i have given insufficient advice to parents struggling with internet and electronics addiction. I have typically advised parents with addicted (this is a tough term that requires further discussion) children to remove air time or game time as a consequence of misconduct, especially that which evolves out of the "need" for devices, i.e. not getting off a game in time, staying on the phone all night, etc. Programs and apps designed for parental control of devices can help greatly in this effort, as well as controlling home router access on a daily basis. Only in the toughest cases have I advised parents to trade the smartphone for a "dumb" clamshell that is useful only for making important phone calls or to remove the game console on a long-term basis. You can also put the phone on a prepaid basis so that you can throttle usage. Im now leaning towards viewing the removal of a desired object a "negative reward", which is viewed by the child only as a punishment. Punishment/consequences can galvanize an already defiant child into full-blown anarchy if misused. Instead, im going to be increasingly likely to advise a parent to reverse the mindset by giving electronic access on a piecemeal basis as a reward for daily performance. Basically, by looking like youre giving instead of taking away, the child has one less reason to be angry with you. Before doing something like this, however, one needs to anticipate the problems associated with removing electronics for a long "dry out" period. In most cases, children who overuse electronics are those who dont engage in free reading. So, what is your child going to do with her/her time when you take away the time suck device? In one case with a reluctant reader, I advised the father to take his son on a trip to the comic book store "in order to find something for a friend", this way, the exposure can seem indirect and not forced. In this case, dad browsed the racks with his son, asking for advice about which titles the "other person" might like. In this way, dad learned about what his son might like. Dad bought a comic book and graphic novel under this pretext. Dad allowed son to review the items on the way home and then offered his son his choice of one for himself (again, no forcing or pressure). In short, the son chose his reading material and in short order became "hooked" on graphic novels. Now, aside from the prospect of making sure your child doesnt get a hold of the R rated stuff, you can groom a true reader this way. Basically, you have to anticipate what functions the electronics provide and try to replace them with more adaptive and growthful activities. Art, reading, music, sports---you see where this is going.
More on this later.......
