Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

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Santa Monica, CA
Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

Marriage and Family Therapist, Writer "Codependency for Dummies" (http://amzn.to/1BBcrWO) is available in bookstores and online.
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My new book, "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships,” is available as a PDF here: https://whatiscodependency.com/dating-loving-and-leaving-a-narcissist
or paperback here: https://amzn.to/3M8DjoM, Ask your local store to order it for you. It's based on personal experience and over 30 years of helping people overcome addiction and codependency and improve their self-esteem, marriage and relationships. It contains self-assessments, an in-depth explanation of symptoms and relationship dynamics, and steps and exercises to recover. Readers quickly see changes and acquire skills to solve problems, better communicate, and manage emotions and boundaries. Because self-esteem and assertiveness are so important in recovery, I also wrote ebooks, "10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism" and "How to Speak your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits" + webinars on both topics. I published 5 more ebooks, including: "Dealing with a Narcissist," "I'm Not Perfect - I'm Only Human - How to Beat Perfectionism," "Codependency Daily Reflections" and "Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps. All ebooks may be downloaded from my website at http://bit.ly/1KFwTv5, and from online booksellers, including Amazon, www.Barnesand Noble.com, and www.Smashwords.com. My second book, "Conquering Codependency and Shame: 8 Steps to Freeing your True Self" (https://amzn.to/37fueWd ) published by Hazelden Publishers, sheds new light on shame: how our feelings and beliefs about shame affect our identity, our behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. I provide eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships. I bring a wide range of professional and life experience to my practice as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT 27909). My work is informed by self-psychology, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), psychoanalytic psychotherapy, Voice-Dialogue, dream analysis, Jungian therapy, and hypnosis. Prior to becoming a psychotherapist, I practiced entertainment law. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases via links to Amazon.

10/16/2025

Partner abuse isn’t about victim pathology but perpetrator strategy. Read the stages of charm, vulnerable connection, coercion and abuse, with extreme highs and lows, creating an addictive pattern https://www.cam.ac.uk/stories/domestic-abuse-trauma-bonds Find out what you can do: "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships" https://whatiscodependency.com/dating-loving-and-leaving-a-narcissist/

New research outlines a tactical playbook deployed by male abusers to “weaponise love” based on in-depth interviews with UK victims.

10/15/2025

10/14/2025

How to Be Assertive http://bit.ly/29OAWWW Conquering and https://buff.ly/bl3VeOx

10/12/2025

Trauma in childhood leads to shame, codependency, and low self-esteem. "How to Be Assertive" http://bit.ly/29OAWWW https://whatiscodependency.com/product/how-to-be-assertive/ and "How to Raise Your Self-Esteem" http://bit.ly/2I4yFIN

10/07/2025

The most common trauma is taken for granted and rarely discussed, but it leads to problems with self-esteem, codependency, and dysfunctional relationship patterns. https://buff.ly/EK7G0m9 Read this and you'll likely relate.

Relational trauma can be harder to detect, and have more side effects in adulthood than physical abuse. It begins with misattunement, an emotional abandonment that leads to shame and codependency.

10/06/2025

Once you understand narcissism, you won't react to their behavior. Learn why: Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Staying or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships. https://whatiscodependency.com/dating-loving-and-leaving-a-narcissist/

10/05/2025

Letting go is detaching. Leaving doesn't always end the problem. You can be codependently attached 1000 miles away, and you can detach from someone you live with. Gray-Rocking isn't letting go. https://medium.com/the-memoirist/letting-go-without-walking-away-c37917c1c065?sk=b5b34db240aa61caf59270741029cc5b Learn how: "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships" https://whatiscodependency.com/dating-loving-and-leaving-a-narcissist/

The pain of loving someone who won’t meet you halfway and finding peace without closure.

10/02/2025

The relational trauma of misattunement is hard to detect and has more side effects than physical abuse. It can lead to shame and codependency. "Codependency for Dummies”

Relational trauma can be harder to detect, and have more side effects in adulthood than physical abuse. It begins with misattunement, an emotional abandonment that leads to shame and codependency.

10/01/2025

Heal the shame: Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You https://amzn.to/37fueWd and start loving yourself: Self-Love Meditation https://www.whatiscodependency.com/product/self-love-meditation/

09/30/2025

If you're ambivalent about ending a relationship, consider couples' counseling. Be honest with yourself about what you've been tolerating. If you've withdrawn in anger, speak up instead. Set limits and ask for your needs. https://buff.ly/QUZql7C Learn how: https://buff.ly/Jdu16fE

If you are feeling indifferent about your relationship, have high conflict, or just don't really enjoy their company anymore, it is possible the partnership has reached its end.

Address

Santa Monica, CA
90402

Telephone

+13104580016

Website

http://www.whatiscodependency.com/

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