Angela Sitka, LMFT, Therapy and Counseling in Santa Rosa

03/17/2026

Here’s a strange question I've asked clients in therapy: "Could a dead person accomplish your goal?" There’s actually an important lesson about motivation and behavior hidden in this strange question. In this video, I explain the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) concept of "dead person’s goals."

Many people start therapy wanting to stop anxiety, avoid conflict, or eliminate mistakes. A Santa Rosa counselor explains why these “dead person’s goals” don’t work and how creating values-based therapy goals leads to a more meaningful life.

03/11/2026

Here’s a strange question I've asked clients in therapy:
"Could a dead person accomplish your goal?"

There’s actually an important lesson about motivation and behavior hidden in this strange question. In this video, I explain the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) concept of "dead person’s goals."

02/14/2026

If you’ve ever been more drawn to someone after they pulled away or are distant, you’re not alone.

Sometimes what feels like chemistry is actually your nervous system reacting to uncertainty. I shared with SELF why inconsistency can feel captivating and what that really means.

It’s not just “bad taste” or self-sabotage—our brains are wired to love uncertainty.

02/12/2026

“We might long for remembering the version of ourselves we were with them. Maybe we felt more spontaneous, youthful or adventurous,

The pain isn’t just about the person—it’s about mourning the potential and the version of ourselves we imagined we could have been with them.”- Angela Sitka

I spoke with HuffPost about why “the one who got away” can linger in our minds long after they’re gone — and what actually helps us move forward.

"I dated other people, but I was always measuring them up to her and the fantasy of what was."

11/06/2025

Ever feel like you’re stuck — not because you don’t want to change, but because it’s hard to know how?

In my latest blog post, I explore how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps people untangle those old, deeply rooted patterns that keep us looping in place — and how small, intentional steps can open space for real change.

One of the most powerful parts of this work is learning to experiment with change:

Trying small steps in any new direction, without waiting around for the “perfect” solution.

How often do we wait around for the perfect timing, the perfect circumstances, or the perfect “risk-free” option?

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, I help clients fully accept the realities of a problem, and begin developing what is called, psychological flexibility, which is the ability to stay present and choose actions that align with your values, even when uncomfortable thoughts or feelings show up.

Read more about the other ways I help clients get unstuck, and why we get so stuck:

What if facing your problems could spark real change? Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in Santa Rosa shows you how to move forward, not stay stuck.

07/18/2025

💭 “Sometimes, a crush becomes a mirror reflecting back the places we’ve been feeling unseen, lonely, or stuck.”

I had the chance to contribute to this AskMen article exploring what it means to have a crush while in a committed relationship — and why it doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong. If this topic hits close to home, you’re definitely not alone.

It's not cheating, exactly. So where do you draw the line?

06/18/2025

I was recently quoted in SELF Magazine for an article about how to support a friend who may be in a toxic relationship. It’s such a tough spot to be in — wanting to help, but not wanting to push too hard or say the wrong thing.

In the piece, I shared a few thoughts that might be useful if you’ve ever struggled with this:

👉 Ask permission before offering advice — a gentle prompt like, “I care about you and noticed something that’s been concerning me… would you be open to talking about it?” can open the door with sensitivity.

👉 Be specific (not dramatic) — share what you’ve actually observed (“I noticed you seemed upset after that last conversation with your partner”) instead of labeling the behavior as "toxic" or "abusive."

👉 Keep the door open for support — saying things like, “I’m here anytime you need to talk or if you need a safe place to stay,” can offer valuable reassurance and help your friend feel less alone.

If any of this resonates — either because you're worried about a friend or feeling unsure about your own relationship — I’m here to support. You can always reach out if talking it through with a clinically trained and unbiased professional would be helpful.

You don’t have to know every detail of your friend’s relationship to sense that something’s…off. Maybe they don’t seem like themselves lately—more defensive, less upbeat, or uncharacteristically silent in the group chat. Or they’re brushing off their SO’s incredibly condescending tone.

For glaring red flags like physical violence and manipulation, the next steps seem clear-cut: Step in. Speak up. Get them help. But when you’re dealing with jerkish or inconsiderate behaviors that your friend doesn’t deserve—but that don’t line up with classic signs of abuse—figuring out how (or if) you should get involved gets tricky. Click the link in comments to learn the best ways to help a friend in a toxic relationship—without turning it into a “your partner sucks!” roast session.

04/23/2025

💥 Featured in SUCCESS! 💥
Struggling to keep your head in the game at work while navigating a divorce? I’m honored to share my top strategies in the new SUCCESS Magazine article “How to Remain Present at Work While Processing a Divorce.”

👉 Compartmentalize your tasks
👉 Assemble a supportive social circle
👉 Make time for movement throughout the day
👉 Self-compassion

Big thank you to SUCCESS for featuring my perspectives — read the full piece here ▶️ https://www.success.com/how-to-stay-focused-at-work-during-divorce/

🔥 Which of these tips resonates most with you? Or what tools do you use to stay present under stress? Drop your ideas below!

Explore these ten useful tips that will help you remain focused and present.

04/11/2025

From the outside, your life might look great—you’re successful at work, providing for your family, and handling responsibilities. But beneath the surface, something feels off.

Maybe it’s stress, anxiety, or feeling disconnected from your partner. Maybe you’re not sleeping well or relying on alcohol to unwind.

Many men I work with minimize these struggles, thinking, Isn’t this just part of life?

The truth is, therapy isn’t just for crisis—it’s a tool for clarity, growth, and strength. Just like you wouldn’t ignore worsening vision or chronic pain, your mental health deserves attention too.

In this post, I’ll explore the subtle signs that therapy might help and why investing in yourself now can make all the difference.

Think therapy is only for crises? A Santa Rosa therapist explains how men can benefit—before exhaustion, burnout, or relationship strain take over.

01/09/2025

Not sure whether you need a psychiatrist, psychologist, or MFT in Santa Rosa? This guide breaks down their roles to help you find the right mental health professional.

Confused about mental health professionals? Learn the difference between psychiatrists, psychologists, and MFTs in Santa Rosa to find the right support.

12/04/2024

Over 8,100 people a month search "how to stop thinking about someone," on Google, with thousands more searching variations of this.

So if you are struggling with this, you are not alone!

Why are so many people searching for this? I believe it reflects deeper issues in our relationships and society:

1. The Illusion of Connection Through Social Media and Technology

2. Increased Loneliness and Isolation

3. Lack of Communication Skills and Closure

Learn more about why this happens and how to stop obsessing over someone in my blog post:

Learn effective strategies to stop obsessing over someone and find inner peace. Discover the psychology behind obsession and signs of unhealthy attachment.

10/18/2024

I was recently featured in this article in SELF about relationship sabotage, check it out! I will be following up with a series of blogs on my website that will expand on my thoughts on this topic in the near future 🙂

Pushing great people away is a subconscious attempt to stay emotionally safe.