The Joy Couple

01/07/2023

In her words, “I am just a hard worker”

05/29/2022

03/30/2021

“Who do you think you are? You aren’t enough."⁠⁠
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I am very familiar with the voice of shame.⁠⁠
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When I think about WHY Jeremy and I are collaborating to bring you the Joy Couple Course, my "why" puts that voice of shame...well, to shame. My why tells me I can and I will. ⁠⁠
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I’m so passionate about seeing relationships transform. I'm so excited to see people I love leave behind the crippling dynamics of their relationships and step into thriving, healthy living! I care about seeing families and communities build joyful bonds. ⁠⁠
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If we don’t step up and take action in what we are passionate about, who will? Jeremy and I aren’t trying to claim we have it all together, but we can share the glorious discoveries that have proved life changing in our marriage. ⁠⁠
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Help me out! What are you passionate about? AND are you letting the voice of shame win or are you putting it...well, to shame?

03/27/2021

About to drop a shocker! Jeremy and I don't look like this ALL the time. The truth is, we argue and sometimes I have to ask myself, "What are we fighting about?"⁠⁠
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We’ve had two “cycles” in our marriage; the tortuous one, full of conflict and the energizer, rich in connection. ⁠⁠
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The conflict ridden cycle is more like a luny loop. Usually it would look like this: One of us does something that the other takes offense to, I would become critical (experience shame) and anxious to justify to Jeremy why I’m right (in attempt to convince us both I’m perfect!). Jeremy, feeling attacked, would retreat. It would trigger my anxiety to be close to him but my anxious energy would push him further away. Exhausting, isn’t it?!⁠⁠
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We’ve learned there are always unmet needs under the surface of our conflict. The unmet needs are linked to fears, most likely related to our value or our connection. For example, I have a need to feel connected to Jeremy and a fear that if I do something he doesn’t like, our connection will be severed.⁠⁠
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The Connection Cycle is the practice of recognizing needs in one another and taking the opportunity to meet them. We also have the chance to break the conflict with our own vulnerability. “Ouch, those words really hurt me” instead of retaliating with hurtful words. We get to change the pattern our conflict. In this practice, we have built deeper security and joy within our marriage.⁠⁠
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It may take two for a conflict, but it only takes 1 to break it! ⁠⁠
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What unmet needs do you see in yourself that fuel your Conflict Cycle?

03/26/2021

Does your life have a soundtrack? What are you listening to first thing in the morning? I have a go to playlist when I need to build some calm. A playlist for when I want to feel romantic. And a playlist for when I need to get up and moving!⁠⁠
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It can't just be me. What’s on your “get pumped” playlist?

03/24/2021

When I say belonging, do have a sense for what that feels like? Do you remember the last time you felt a deep sense of belonging? In secure relationships, we feel this. However, in unknown moments or times when we are unsure the foundation of belonging can be shaken. ⁠⁠
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I remember a time when Jeremy and I were out to dinner with old friends and new. While we were ordering drinks, I got the clear message that someone was not glad I had joined the party. All the non-verbal clues were there. Shoulders turned away, lack of eye contact, and a clear lack of warmth. I felt my shoulders slump, my chest tighten, and felt a loss of connection and belonging, but then...⁠⁠
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I looked up to see a friend, who was also reading the table, smiling at me. She asked me a warm and inviting question. Her eyes twinkled, just a little to show me I belonged! ⁠⁠
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Belonging is a strong sense of connectedness and we have the power to help others feel it.⁠⁠
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Do you have a strong memory of belonging?

03/23/2021

Did you take the free assessment to learn your communication style yet?⁠⁠
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Knowing your communication style can help you create a more satisfying and intimate relationship based in security and trust!⁠⁠
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BONUS! When you take the quiz, you'll be the first to know when The Joy Couple Course goes life.

03/22/2021

If you are new around here, let me tell you a little about US! We’re Angelina and Jeremy Berlin, licensed marriage family therapist, relationship coach and creator of The Joy Couple. ⁠⁠
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Over the past decade, as we’ve helped hundreds of people create thriving relationships, we’ve noticed⁠⁠
there are 4 main communication styles that are either inhibiting people’s chances of achieving their dream relationship, or create the grounds for one that truly thrives... So, we have a gift for you!⁠⁠
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We have created a simple assessment so you can get instant clarity about YOUR Relationship Communication Style...and how to overcome it for more intimacy.⁠⁠
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Check out the link in our bio to take the quiz and be the first to know when our class launches...did we mention our class? No? Well, more on that later. For now, go take the free assessment!

03/21/2021

Cultivating joy can bring warmth to a frigid, cold relationship.

03/20/2021

Saturday Challenge Time! Turn your phone upside down, so you can't see the notifications, and notice what is around you. Maybe your husband is scurrying to get some things on his "honey do" list done or the kids chasing each other through the house. Maybe your pancakes are about to burn...WAIT, stop and get that first! Now, take a deep breath and be present. NO worries of next week, just be present. ⁠⁠
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What can you do today to build joy? Maybe a bike ride or walk through the neighborhood. If you see a puddle, ride your bikes through it. See who can make the biggest splash. I like being clean and having things in order, but saying "YES" to silly things build joy and connection. Simple things.⁠⁠
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We all have so much on our plates to worry about and plan for, but take a few moments today to be present with your people. Check Stories for a technique we use to stay present when worries creep in.

03/19/2021

“Baby, let’s stay home tonight! ⁠⁠
We can put a couple records on. ⁠⁠
We can make a fire alright. ⁠⁠
Maybe we can dance ’til dawn.” ⁠⁠
~Need to Breathe⁠⁠
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Life has been a lot of “let’s stay home tonight!” Date nights out at our favorite restaurant are pretty few and far between, if any. Doesn’t mean we can’t make Friday Night special! So, here’s to staying home. Put some sweet music on, set the table with the nice china, start a fire, and dance in the kitchen! ⁠⁠
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What are your Friday night “let’s stay home tonight” plans?

03/18/2021

What are you doing today? Here’s a glimpse into today’s agenda in just 3 words: Counseling. Entrepreneur-ing. Fathering. That’s just the short list.⁠⁠
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I'm Jeremy! I’m a lover of joy and connection and it infuses my daily agenda. It can be seen as I wear the hat of an LMFT, Entrepreneur for good, and, the titles I love most, Husband and Father. You met my beautiful wife, Angelina, yesterday and she shared how joy has transformed our relationship. Now it’s my turn!⁠⁠
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Life IS relationships! BUT so many of the relationships that fill our lives do not work because we lack the skills to build and maintain healthy relationships. For example, growing up, my relationships were ALL reason, choices, and rational. There was no understanding of how our bodies and minds work together, or that we even have biology which plays a MAJOR role in how we show up and what we choose. I feel sadness for the little boy of my past who was not attuned with when in pain, but demanded a clear explanation be made for his choices and feelings.⁠⁠
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Now, with the skills needed, I’ve learned how to help my body and brain work together to attune with people and strengthen connection. So, when Angelina and I are in conflict (yes, it happens), I can be tender with her in her pain and sensitivities instead of blowing past her need for attunement to move ahead to a solution. Transformation!⁠⁠
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Your turn! Can you give us a glimpse into your day in just 3 words? (Okay, maybe I used more than 3)

03/18/2021

The Joy Couple…that is quite the title to give ourselves, but that’s who we are! Joy has revolutionized our relationship and we want to share that with YOU. But first, let me take a minute to introduce our family and why joy. I’m Angelina, wife, mom, a relationship coach, and recently “retired” dental hygienist. This is my husband, Jeremy, and together we have a sweet 15 month old daughter who often kicks Jeremy in the face while she nurses! (Hashtag parenthood)

I mentioned before that joy changed our marriage AND it’s true. As Jeremy says, joy is the balancing factor that adds warmth to a frigid, cold relationship and the cooling element to extinguish the heat of anger and rage.

Joy is the experience of letting someone know you are happy they are there, they make your eyes twinkle, they are glad to be with at that very moment! It’s a sweeting to your relationships.

How have you seen joy sweeten your relationships?

11/13/2020