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Fight Like Denise

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Fight Like Denise

It is our #1 Goal to raise awareness and funding for Brain Cancer research! Fight Like Denise #1 Goal is to raise awareness and funds for brain cancer research.

We have recently connected with the Chris Elliot Fund (https://www.facebook.com/EndBrainCancer), a non-profit out of Seattle and a National Brain Tumor Patient Support group. It is their mission to support cutting-edge brain cancer research; to promote education and awareness of this sorely under-funded disease; to provide information and resources for brain cancer patients and their families; and

to act as the voice for brain cancer patients who cannot fight for themselves. Together, we will help GBM patients nationwide get the treatment and support they need to survive!

07/15/2025

As I go through some photos and cards today, my emotions were swirling pretty quickly. One of the first cards I read was from Denise to me right after she was diagnosed. She was so positive and full of love. The first photo I found of her and Ryland is below. Both made me cry. Happy and sad tears at the same time. The photo reminded me how precious life truly is and also how vulnerable we all are at the same time.

I share this today in the hopes that you hug your loved ones a little tighter, tell them you love them a little more often, and make sure you appreciate all that you have, you never know how long you will have them.

To Denise, I love you today as much as I ever did and always will…….

03/09/2025

Last night I had the pleasure of speaking at the “Jackets and Jeans” event hosted by Team Tony Cancer Foundation as a caregiver.

It was the first time I have spoken at an event in several years and the first time since Denise passed. I was a little nervous at first and may have said umm about 47 times but it truly was an honor to share my experience. It’s hard to describe the feeling of a couple of hundred people in that room completely focused on every word-you could hear a pin drop.

Many people approached me after thanking me for sharing our story but one lady in paticular gave me some shocking news. She found out that her nephew had just passed from the same cancer as Denise-Glioblastoma-literally in the middle of my speech. We shared an emotional moment together and in some way I feel it was an intense form of synchronicity. I can only hope Denise was waiting in Heaven to welcome him home.

Thank you Tony for including me in your amazing event!

08/30/2024

5 days later……Denise had brain surgery on today’s date 11 years ago.

It was the most anxious moment ever waiting on it to be over and find out how it went.

I’ll never forget when the ER doctor said she had to have brain surgery and the realization that it meant cutting her skull open to remove the tumor came on like an avalanche. I was in shock and so scared of what that meant for Denise. Would she be okay, would she ever be the same, is it cancer, is she going to live, am I going to raise our son without her.

When it was done, her surgeon told us he removed as much of the tumor as he could but it appears to be cancer. And that he wasn’t sure what type until pathology was done. He said it could be grade 1-grade 4 with grade 4 being the most aggressive. I immediately asked him what if it is grade 4 because I felt like I had to know what the worst case scenario is so I could know what we could be dealing with. He told me grade 4 is called Glioblastoma and the survival rate is only 2-3%. The fear of that possibility was gut wrenching. We were left with more questions than answers.

We did find out 6 days later that it was GBM. When Denise and I met with her surgeon for a follow up visit to remove the staples we asked him how many long term survivors he had done surgery on. He told us only 5 that were still living over 5 years. We looked at each other and said well theres hope for us to be one more of them.

Denise went on to courageously fight for the next 6+ years. She handed over all of her fear to God in the beginning and trusted her faith that the outcome was in His hands and not hers. In her battle, she was at peace and was never worried or scared. Faith over fear was her mantra and she lived by it. It was truly incredible to witness.

Denise was an angel on Earth when she was alive. Now she’s in Heaven for eternity without pain and in perfect peace. Everyday I remind myself how blessed I was to be married to her and spend almost 15 years together. That gives me peace. My emotions have been intense this week but it’s necessary for healing. More peace and less pain is my goal one step at a time.

08/25/2024

This date has haunted me for a long time……11 years to be exact.

Today is the day I took Denise to the ER when she was having excruciating pain from headaches and was told:

“Your wife has a brain tumor and has to have brain surgery right away”

It was so disturbing that it felt like I entered the Twilight Zone. It felt like an out of body experience and the thought of life or death became very real. I’ll never forget walking up and down the levels of the parking garage mentally freaking out. My head was spinning out of control and I forced myself to somehow wrap my head around the fact that Denise’s life was all of a sudden very fragile. I tried to process what the worst case scenario could mean for my best friend, amazing wife, and the most loving mother. I didn’t believe the worst case scenario would happen but felt like it was necessary to face it head on emotionally.

As I was walking the beach today, I was reliving these moments from that day which I don’t do very often. It hit me hard, and I cried more than I have in a long time. A song came on that I discovered last year when I started to do some real healing. It’s called “You can’t rush your healing” by Trevor Hall. I’ll put a link in the comments. If you’re in need of more healing in your life, listen to that song and the lyrics-it may help you like it did me.

I’ve done more healing in the last 14 months than I had in the previous 3+ years since Denise went to Heaven. Healing for me has given me a chance to feel less pain and find more peace. It has made we appreciate more than ever all of the blessings I had with Denise. We had something truly magical and we had an incredible son together. We lived through every single one of our vows. Denise and I always made the best of our circumstances even in the most difficult of times and for that I couldn’t be more proud.

When I got home from the beach, I realized for the first time that this day, 11 years ago, was probably the hardest day of my life. And my emotions today around what happened that day proved that the healing will continue.

I hope whoever reads this, it can help you think about your own ways of healing.

Happy Sunday everyone. And always Fight Like Denise!

01/10/2024

On this day 15 years ago, I married this beautiful woman. Denise was amazing and I feel blessed to have been lucky enough to be her husband. We said our vows that day and ended up living through each and every one.

I find peace in knowing that I had true love and experienced a relationship not every one gets to have with someone so special. A friend recently told me “it’s better to have loved than to never have loved at all” and it really resonated with me. So today, I am good, only shedding a few tears as I write this, but feeling a calm at the same time. Focused on counting my blessings that we did have our time together and have an incredible son. Ryland has so much of Denise in him including his looks according to everyone which is a good thing!

All I ask is that you count your blessings more often, we can’t afford to take the most important things in life for granted!

10/21/2023

So for the last 4+ months I’ve been really focused on taking care of myself in so many ways. I am finally healing in a new way that feels so much different.

With grief, I’m sure some people heal faster than I have, and I’m sure some people never heal at all. The beautiful thing is I am healing right now. Opening myself up and living in an intentional way with a purpose for what I’m doing. Exploring my faith in God. Trying to feel connected to Him like she did. Denise has always given me strength and now she is helping me find peace. You were my biggest blessing and you gave birth to my second biggest blessing. Ryland and I have a responsibility to be the best versions of us we can be. For ourselves and to honor Denise. That’s what she would expect…..

We will do our best babe, promise!

10/21/2023

Today is Denise’s birthday. She would have turned 43

It’s hard to believe when you look at this picture that she was more beautiful on the inside than the outside. I can assure you she was

I can proudly say I’ve been going through a transformation of my own in the past few months in so many positive ways. More emotions and feelings have come to the surface than in a long time. Denise has been on my mind more than usual.

I realize more than ever that I am blessed to have been her husband, her true love, her forever love. We had almost 15 years together. We literally lived out each and every one of our vows. Incredible amounts of laughing, crying, joy, sadness, and every single other emotion you can have, we shared together. We had a relationship not many people ever have

Today, I felt peace and calm. Only a few tears came out. I am working on myself more than ever and I know Denise is so proud of me and smiling in Heaven just like she is in this amazing photo.

So babe, today and everyday, I love you always and forever!

10/04/2023

Please meet Megan Troutwine…..she’s on the right

Denise and I met her through Michelle DeJong's Fighter Foundation. Every time we saw her, she was always smiling just like in this photo.

Megan always had a genuine admiration for Denise and gained strength from her for her own battle with brain cancer. The good news is she’s still going strong but dealing with ongoing complications currently.

I haven’t written many poems the last couple of years but knew it would be coming soon. Wrote this one after I said I would share some with her so why not her own? Hope this gives you some extra strength!

Prayers up for Megan. She is strong, but every prayer counts 🙏

“My time”

My name is Megan
I am a Troutwine
I have strength
No need to doubt mine
I’m living with cancer
One day a time
Don’t have all the answers
But taking my time
Life has been hard
But I still have time
Thanks for all the love
The texts, the hugs
and even the cards
But please don’t forget
I have strength
No need to doubt mine
I already told you
I am a Troutwine

10/03/2023

Question for you……

When was the last time you cried?
Share if you care to

And when you cry, do you try to make yourself stop or do you dive a little deeper into that emotion?

This is one of my own crying faces-2020 when things were the heaviest maybe. I’ve been going through a transformation lately-not to female 🤣. Lots of positive changes for me and more emotions are coming to the surface and it needs to. I wrote a poem after Denise was diagnosed about crying and always loved it. Hope this can help a few people.

“Watering eyes"

Let your eyes water
And let yourself go
Take a step back
And watch yourself grow

The tears come out
To let you express
So that you don't pout
And feel like a mess

How do we see inside
If we continue to hide
And deny what is real
Let yourself go
And let yourself feel
All that is there
Show that you care

There's little to lose,
And Much to gainu
Stop trying to accuse
start feeling the pain

Watering eyes
Are just what you need
Hide from the lies
That life tries to feed

Take a step back
watch yourself grow
Let yourself cry
Let yourself go
You'll understand why
Nothing is easy
That's why you should try

Find your release
So you can find peace
This is not sad
It has to be had.

Let your tears run
Set your mind free
This could be the one
That helps you to see
That watering eyes
Are just what you need

Wash the pain away
When do you start
Why not today?

09/05/2023

On this day 10 years ago, we were given Denise’s cancer diagnosis which was GBM, Glioblastoma, Grade 4….It was worst case scenario for brain cancer. The average life span after diagnosis is only 12-15 months.

Denise looked at the doctor and asked “Is this terminal?”

Doctor replied “Life is terminal”

It ended up being one of the most profound things we had ever heard someone say.

Denise looked him in the eyes with a determined look and said without hesitation “Well, I don’t have a choice. I have to fight! I have my son and my husband to take care of”

This moment was one example of Denise’s strength. It showed who she was and what she was made of. She went on to live for over 6 years with this cancer without fear or worry. She carried a strong faith in God and knew this battle was out of her hands and in His.

It’s hard to believe this photo was taken just a couple weeks after her brain surgery. She hardly looked “sick”. She was actually glowing and looked as gorgeous as ever. Denise was a miracle and I’m blessed to have been her husband.

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always”

08/26/2023

Yesterday was exactly 10 years from the day our lives changed forever.

Those words in the ER…..
“your wife has a brain tumor and has to have surgery right away”

It was like immediately entering the Twilight Zone. Emotions and thoughts moving faster than ever before. We had no idea what any of it meant and then the diagnosis less than two weeks later. It’s Grade 4 Glioblastoma. The worse case scenario and we would go on to learn one of the most ruthless and relentless cancers that exist.

Denise was never scared and told the doctor when she was diagnosed-“I don’t have a choice except to fight”. She said it without hesitation or fear. It was one of the amazing things I’ve ever seen a person do when facing such an extremely dire circumstance. She kept that mentality during the entire battle until the last few months when she made a decision one day that she was ready to go to Heaven. She was truly incredible in every way possible.

She was huge into her own fitness but always hated running. I started running for the first time in my life a couple months after the diagnosis to keep my head straight. She decided to start running with me and ran her first half marathon as pictured below. She said “this was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life”. This photo captured more emotions than you can imagine and is one of my all time favorites of us.

I miss her everyday and think about our long future together being cut so short. But I also realize how blessed I was for us to have her as long as I did.

Love and miss you forever babe!

05/14/2023

Happy Mother’s Day to the most beautiful mom in the world!

Denise, you were truly an incredible mom. You loved our son with all your heart. Ryland thinks the world of you! I feel blessed that you were strong enough to battle cancer long enough so that our son would have a chance to feel that love and create so many memories with you. We talk about you every single day and miss you always!

We love you so much and always will!!

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Sarasota, FL
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