08/12/2024
Grief brings with it a profound heartache and a deep, internal pain that words can never fully capture. As I navigate the next few weeks, I find myself mentally, emotionally, and physically reliving the journey of my father's illness, his passing, and the moments of laying him to rest. Every word exchanged, every tear shed, every drop of medicine given, every "I love you" â each moment replays in my mind like an unending movie, over and over. All of it.
I can't stop it, for it has become a part of me. The pain of not having my dad here anymore doesnât fade with time because grief is not something that simply goes away. It is a constant presence, echoing through my life, a reflection of the enduring love that will always be part of me. As long as that love exists, so too will the grief. Itâs not something I can tuck away or ignore; it's woven into the very fabric of my being, a reminder of the bond that death could not sever.
And so, the difficult journey begins of losing my father once again. With each memory that resurfaces, I am confronted by the rawness of my loss, and the reality that the grieving process is not linear. There are not 5 stages of grief... that is a myth. There is no end date, no final step.
Instead, it is a path that I must walk for as long as I live, with my fatherâs memory as both my companion and my sorrow. The weight of his absence is heavy, yet I carry it with me, because to grieve is to honor the love that remains, even in his physical absence.
If you are grieving, be patient with yourself. Remember, grief is not something to be rushed or fixed; it is a profound experience that unfolds in its own time. Allow yourself to feel every emotion, even the ones that seem unbearable. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and your journey will look different from anyone else's. Honor your process, lean into the support that feels right for you, and remember that itâs okay to not be okay. In your own time, and in your own way, you will find your path through the pain, carrying the memory of your loved one with you always.
Dr. N.