Lauri's PTS page

09/01/2023

08/27/2023

I’m not saying it will be the same as you may have once expected it to be

I’m not saying it will always be easy to keep moving forward

I’m not saying there won’t be hard days

I’m not saying if you can’t then you are the problem or haven’t tried

I am saying you deserve to experience the best life you can despite circumstances

I am saying you deserve to have happiness despite the odds

I am saying that you can try again or even try again in a different way

I am saying that I hope you see all the magic that lives in you

❤️ Trudi Jane

Meme Author: unknown

08/27/2023

This can be one of the most painful truths to embrace.

We can love and admire and deeply connect with someone, but come to realize that our core needs are simply incompatible with the boundaries they need to have in order to feel safe in the world.

We can get stuck on analyzing all the reasons why someone can’t show up, whether it they’re busy lives, their attachment style, etc, etc.

Where we are much more served is when we can look head-on at what somebody is able to bring to the relationship and acknowledge if it’s enough.

We have to be honest with ourselves and mindful that we aren’t seeking perfection here. Every relationship will have struggles and will have to lean towards healthy compromise.

However, if our core needs (or core boundaries) are simply not offered a safe space in a relationship, over time we might end up re-creating painful past experiences over and over again.

On the other side of this, sometimes our boundaries will simply feel too rigid for another person no matter how much connection we try to offer them.

Sometimes even our smallest boundaries are seen through a lens of rejection and disconnection no matter how much reassurance we offer.

These incompatibilities can happen due to different relationship (or personal) value systems, expectations stemming from different cultural backgrounds, or attachment wounds/vulnerabilities.
// Silvy Khoucasian

Have you ever experienced this? How do you sense when the incompatibility feels too big?

P.S. If you’d like more boundaries support, be sure to check out my Boundaries Course. You can explore it here: https://silvy.teachable.com/p/the-boundaries-program

08/27/2023

It’s really not about you.

This doesn’t mean we won’t or shouldn’t feel hurt.
Denying ourselves of that would mean bypassing a profoundly valid and normal human experience.
And, the truth that is we won’t always know the full story as to why some people don’t choose us.
We can hear the story they tell us, but they may not even fully know why they chose to close the door themselves.
We can sometimes find ourselves personalizing endings that actually have nothing to do with us at all.
We may have been a terrible attachment pairing.
We may have had completely different life visions that the other “just happened” to see more clearly first.
Our presence may have been a subtle reminder of something they weren’t ready or willing to deal with.
This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do any self-reflection work when someone ends things with us.
We absolutely can.
We can pay attention to patterns and assess where we are often the common denominator.
We can be willing to learn and refine and implement different behaviors if we tend to push loved ones away.
We can lean into the grieving and the inner child work to process and integrate our past in order to carve out space for different possibilities.
And if we are genuinely doing (both) of these things, we can then (sometimes) more gently surrender to the fact that not everyone is meant for us.
Not everyone can handle our flaws or will want to. Some people may be too triggered by us and that has to be okay even when it hurts.
That is what dating and assessing compatibility is all about.
Perhaps part of our healing work can be to learn where we tend to heavily personalize endings and provide ourselves with a deeper and gentler kind of empathy.
Perhaps our work can be to better discern between what is ours to own vs. what has nothing to do with us.
Perhaps it can be to lovingly embrace that we will always be whole even as we own and carry our limitations and challenges alongside of us.
Perhaps our healing journey can be about recognizing more quickly that the people meant to fit with us will find a way to accept and embrace the parts of us we struggle with the most.
// Silvy Khoucasian
P.S. If you’d like further support be sure to check out my Navigating Endings Workbook! https://silvy.teachable.com/p/navigating-endings-workbook

08/27/2023

Today's Message 💚

08/22/2023

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