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Allie Jayne Reed, LMHC, Seattle, WA (2025)

12/30/2025

Save this for the next time guilt shows up after you set a boundary!

Whether it's from a direct conversation or simply embodying your own limits without talking about them, it's normal to feel unjustified guilt if you were raised in an environment where emotionally immature parents looked to you to change, adjust, or otherwise act in ways that prioritized THEIR emotional needs & helped them regulate. This is the result of conditioning & emotional suppression.

The good news is that when guilt is unjustified, the more you embody your boundaries & limits, the less guilty you will feel over time while still holding compassion for others. It takes time & consistency, but it does work! The goal at first may not be to not feel guilty for setting a boundary, but instead to simply tolerate the feeling without trying to change it.

Additionally, if you're feeling unjustified shame too, then consider talking about your decision to set a boundary or hold a limit with validating people who won't reject you. Cuz remember, shame is what we feel when we believe OTHERS will reject us for our behavior. Guilt is what we feel when we believe we've violated personal values. Sometimes they overlap!

If you're ready to heal your childhood wounds from & stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries, tap the link in my bio & schedule an intro call w/ me!

12/27/2025

Let me start by saying that spirituality is directly linked to positive mental health. There is nothing wrong with turning to astrology, tarot, human design, or energy work, especially when you feel lost, anxious, or disconnected from yourself.

These tools can offer comfort, meaning, and language for experiences you’ve never had space to understand. And, they are not trauma treatment.

If you were raised by emotionally immature parents, your nervous system learned to survive by avoiding emotions, suppressing needs, and looking outside yourself for cues about who to be. Energetic readings can unintentionally reinforce this pattern - offering insight or reassurance without helping you feel what was never safe to feel in concrete, consistent ways.

That’s why the relief often fades. The anxiety returns. The people-pleasing persists. The shame still whispers. The problem beliefs about yourself, others & the world are still there.

Relational trauma is maintained by avoidance, not lack of awareness.

Healing requires safely experiencing the emotions & sensations your body learned to shut down in order to survive. It requires approaching avoided situations & memories to learn new information & change beliefs. It requires BEHAVIORAL experiences. This is what evidence-based trauma therapy like DBT-PE & EMDR is designed to do.

I believe spirituality & science can coexist. Many of my clients are deeply intuitive, reflective women. I incorporate their birth charts into treatment & provide mindfulness training from a spiritual perspective. I honor that spiritual part of us.

But intuition becomes clearest when dysregulation & problem beliefs formed from trauma no longer distorts it.

You don't need more answers. You need safety inside yourself. And that is possible.

If you're ready to heal your childhood wounds from & overcome anxiety, tap the link in my bio & schedule an intro call w/ me!

12/25/2025

I believe authenticity is essential to quality of life.

When we’re radically genuine - real, honest, and aligned with our values - authentic connection becomes possible. Connection with ourselves, others, and the life we're building.

When we’re not authentic, the opposite tends to happen. We feel disconnected, unsure of ourselves, and quietly dissatisfied. Fear, guilt & shame take up more space. Life starts to feel like something we’re managing rather than living.

Authenticity doesn’t mean being unfiltered or unkind. It means knowing where you end & I begin. It means showing up with integrity, while still being respectful & grounded.

For many women raised by emotionally immature parents, authenticity was never safe. You were conditioned to play a role - to keep the peace, manage emotions, or be who others needed you to be. That role may have protected you once, but it’s also what keeps you stuck.

This is why authenticity is central to my work. Healing isn’t about performing better. It’s about reconnecting with your values, feelings, and wishes. It's about building a life that actually fits you, your values & YOUR uniqueness.

If you’re drawn to therapy that values depth, honesty, and alignment, you’ll likely feel at home here. If not, that’s okay too.

Authenticity asks for willing & readiness, not perfection.

✨ If you’re ready to heal the impact of & realign with your Authentic Self, tap the link in my bio to schedule an intro call with me 🤍

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12/23/2025

Imagine staying calm & grounded in a tense conversation, especially with your parents.

Your chest doesn’t tighten, your mind doesn’t race, you don’t scramble to explain, defend, or fix.

You know what you feel, you know what you mean, and you trust yourself enough to stay there.

They may disagree. They may be disappointed. They may not see things your way.

& instead of panic, you notice something new: I can tolerate this.

You’re no longer trying to manage their emotions. You’re no longer abandoning your needs to keep the peace. You’re no longer replaying the conversation for hours afterward.

You can love them AND hold a boundary. You can stay connected AND stay true to yourself. You can allow polarity without it feeling dangerous.

This kind of calm isn’t about saying the “perfect” thing. It’s about feeling safe in your body, even when others are uncomfortable.

When relational trauma heals, your nervous system learns that disagreement isn’t a threat. That you don’t have to disappear to stay connected.

This grounded confidence isn’t a personality trait. It’s a state that can be built.

And it changes everything...
how you speak, how you listen, and how you leave conversations still feeling like you.

✨ If you’re ready to heal the impact of & stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries, tap the link in my bio to schedule an intro call with me 🤍

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12/20/2025

It's not all your fault that you struggle with anxiety, people-pleasing, or emotion regulation. Your current patterns didn't come from a personal flaw. They came from adaptation, from millions of transactions overtime with an invalidating environment.

Children don’t randomly become hyper-aware of other people’s emotions. They learn it in environments where emotional safety was inconsistent & responsibility landed on them far too early. EIPs chronic invalidation teaches their kids that their reactions are bad, that their kids are responsible for the parents' emotions, and that they need to figure out how to self-regulate without actually teaching them how to regulate. The blame falls on the child.

But believing that it's just all your fault is adaptive. It actually once gave you a sense of control. If you were the problem, then maybe you could fix it. That belief felt safer than acknowledging the truth: the environment you grew up in required you to adjust in order to stay connected. Your parents, the very people responsible for your survival, are flawed & failed you.

But self-blame has a cost. It keeps your nervous system locked in old rules: Be easy. Don’t need too much. Don’t upset anyone.

The problem isn’t that you’re broken. The problem is that your nervous system is still following childhood rules that no longer apply.

Lasting change doesn’t come from trying harder or being more self-aware. It comes from understanding why these patterns formed & gently helping your system update.

Nothing is wrong with you. All behavior is caused. And when the causes are finally acknowledged, healing becomes possible.

✨ If you’re ready to heal the impact of & stop blaming yourself for adaptations you didn’t choose, tap the link in my bio to schedule an intro call with me 🤍

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12/18/2025

If healing feels harder than it 'should' or if you're hesitant to embark on your healing journey in targeted trauma therapy, it may not be because you’re resistant, unmotivated, or not ready. It may be because of subconscious loyalty.

Many adult children of emotionally immature parents carry an unspoken belief:
If I heal, I leave them behind.
If I grow, I betray my family.
If I stop carrying this, who am I without it?

So even when you want change, something inside hesitates. You minimize your pain, you delay support, you stay emotionally tethered out of 'loyalty', not choice.

This loyalty once kept you safe. As a child, attachment mattered more than authenticity. Staying connected, even at the cost of yourself & your needs, was survival. Of course that pattern didn't disappear with age.

But here’s the reframe that begins to loosen the block:
Healing is not betrayal.
You are not abandoning your family by choosing support, boundaries, or growth. You’re simply choosing to stop carrying what was never yours to hold.

You can honor where you came from without continuing to psychologically live inside it.

When this loyalty becomes conscious, guilt softens.
Choice returns.
Healing feels less dangerous—and more allowed.

✨ If you’re ready to heal the impact of & release the guilt that keeps you stuck, tap the link in my bio to schedule an intro call with me🤍

Follow for more on from EIPs!

12/16/2025

If someone is upset with you, do you immediately feel like it’s your job to fix it?

You replay the convo, feel guilty, feel pressure to apologize, explain, give the other person what they want, even when it means ignoring your own needs or crossing your own boundaries.

This pattern pulls you away from yourself. You lose touch with what YOU feel or want. Resentment quietly builds & relationships feel heavy instead of mutual.

You didn't choose this. If you were raised by emotionally immature parents in a dysfunctional system, you likely learned early that THEIR emotions were YOUR responsibility. That staying safe meant adjusting, soothing, or fixing. As a child, this was adaptive. It helped you survive. But now, it's costing you connection with yourself & building your Life Worth Living.

The truth is, you're not responsible for regulating other people's emotions. Feeling responsible doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it means your nervous system learned that others' reactions were dangerous & your responsibility, because EIPs tend to put their emotions & reactions on other people. They tend to look to their environment to soothe them & fail to attune to their own children, because in the EIPs' world, their emotional needs are priority.

Healing relational trauma is what allows you to care without over-functioning. To hold boundaries without guilt. To stay grounded even when someone else is upset. To let your own needs matter again.

✨ If you’re ready to heal your childhood wounds from & stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries, tap the link in my bio to schedule an intro call with me🤍

Follow for more on from EIPs!

12/13/2025

If you’ve done years of talk therapy but still feel anxious, hyper-independent, perfectionistic, guilty for setting boundaries, or emotionally tied to your parents… it’s not because you’re failing. & it’s not because your therapist didn’t do their job.

Traditional talk therapy can be incredibly supportive for validation, reflection, & emotional insight. But when it comes to trauma, especially relational trauma rooted in emotionally immature parenting, insight alone doesn’t create nervous system change.

Here’s why talk therapy hasn’t healed the trauma you carry:
• Trauma lives in your body, not just your thoughts. You can understand your patterns while your nervous system still reacts like the child who had to survive them.
• Talking about trauma isn’t the same as processing trauma. You may leave sessions feeling seen, but still stuck in the same triggers.
• Insight can become a form of avoidance. You can analyze (intellectualize) your childhood endlessly while never touching the sensations or emotions that actually need healing.
• Relational trauma reinforces survival responses. Talk therapy helps you recognize them; DBT-PE helps you resolve them.

DBT-PE works differently. It helps you safely approach the memories, emotions, & beliefs you had to avoid in order to survive. It interrupts patterns that keep you anxious, over-functioning, guilty, or small. And it transforms the internal world that talk therapy may have illuminated, but couldn’t shift on its own.

This isn’t about choosing the “better” therapy. It’s about choosing the effective therapy for the type of pain you carry.

If talk therapy gave you insight but not change, language but not relief, awareness but not transformation…

You’re not stuck. You simply haven’t used a method designed for deep relational trauma yet.

DBT-PE helps you finally feel grounded, guilt-free, & aligned with your authentic self- not the version your parents shaped through emotional immaturity.

Healing isn’t out of reach. You just need the approach that matches the depth of your story.

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12/11/2025

Relational trauma doesn’t just live in “bad memories.” It shows up in your nervous system, your relationships, your parenting, your boundaries, your self-trust. And when those old patterns keep looping, despite all the insight you already have, that’s when therapy grounded in DBT-PE becomes essential.

You may need DBT-PE when you notice things like:
• Avoiding emotions, conflict, or anything that could trigger the reactions you once got as a child.
• Your body reacting faster than your mind- panic, freeze, shutdown, appease- before you can make sense of what’s happening.
• Understanding your trauma intellectually, yet still feeling controlled by it emotionally.
• Outgrowing the coping strategies that once kept you safe but now keep you small, silent, or over-accommodating.
• Relationships feeling one-sided because youre still trying to be “easy,” “good,” or “predictable” to avoid rejection.
• Parenting bringing up fear, guilt, or overwhelm because your nervous system learned early that connection wasn’t safe.
• Feeling split- one part capable, another part still scared.

DBT-PE is the work you turn to when insight is no longer enough. When you’re ready to stop managing symptoms and start healing the root.

Relational trauma is maintained by avoidance- avoiding memories, sensations, and emotions you once had to numb out to survive. DBT-PE uses structured exposure, emotional processing, & belief repair to interrupt those survival patterns so you can finally experience a new internal reality.

This is the work that helps you rebuild trust in yourself. Respond instead of react. Hold boundaries without guilt. Experience connection without the old fear. Feel safe in your own body, maybe for the first time.

Not just coping- actual healing, nervous system change, trauma resolution.

DBT-PE is for the version of you who’s ready to stop carrying the emotional weight your parents handed you & step into a life that feels grounded, spacious, and truly yours.

If youre ready to heal your childhood wounds from & overcome anxiety, tap the link in my bio & schedule an intro call w/ me!

12/09/2025

You’re terrified of repeating your parents’ mistakes… & it’s making parenting feel like walking on a tightrope.

You want to be the safe, emotionally attuned mom you never had. Yet every decision feels loaded: Is this too harsh? Too lenient? Am I validating them… or over-validating them? What if I’m accidentally hurting them the way I was hurt?

So you second-guess yourself. You freeze around consequences. You apologize even when you didn’t do anything wrong. You try to be so unlike your parents that you lose sight of your own instincts. And inside, there’s a quiet panic: “What if I become them?”

When you stay in this pattern, parenting continues to feel like a test you could fail at any moment. Boundaries stay blurry. Emotional responsibility stays heavy. And the exhaustion builds, because hypervigilance is not sustainable.

But none of this means you’re “doing it wrong.” It means you were parentified. You learned early that adult emotions were your responsibility, that one misstep could trigger an inappropriate reaction, and that safety depended on never upsetting the person in power. Of course your nervous system is cautious now. Of course you overcorrect. This makes sense.

Your fear of becoming your parents is evidence of your cycle breaking, not a sign you’re destined to repeat the past. Parents who harm their children aren’t agonizing over whether they’re being too controlling or too validating. Your awareness is the doorway to change. What helps you move forward is learning to trust your internal cues again, differentiate past danger from present reality, and build boundaries from groundedness, not fear.

On the other side of this work,
parenting starts to feel steadier. You’re able to hold limits with clarity instead of panic. You respond to your kids without collapsing into guilt. You feel yourself becoming the mother your children need- connected, confident, attuned- without swinging into overaccommodation. You get to enjoy your kids rather than brace around them.

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12/06/2025

If you grew up with emotionally immature parents, this may feel painfully familiar. It’s like no matter how hard you try to build a life that feels aligned, peaceful, or genuinely joyful… there’s always an undertone of guilt. As if your happiness somehow costs them something. As if your freedom is a threat. As if your job, even as an adult, is to keep them comfortable, reassured, or proud, even at the expense of your own wellbeing.

So you shrink. You soften your voice. You hide the parts of your life they won’t approve of. You perform 'happy' to keep the peace, even when you’re exhausted, numb, down or anxious inside. You trade authenticity in an effort to feel connected to people who barely know you.

But here’s the truth: you didn’t learn this because you’re weak or incapable of choosing yourself. You learned it because you grew up in an environment where your emotional needs didn’t matter unless they aligned with your parent’s needs. Where their comfort was the priority. Where keeping them regulated meant sacrificing your own sense of self.

Of course a part of you still feels obligated to make them feel okay. Of course choosing your joy feels scary. Of course your nervous system tenses when you imagine disappointing them.

Your truth & happiness aren't betrayals. Your freedom is not disloyal. Your authenticity does not harm anyone. It simply reveals the emotional limitations they never learned to overcome.

And when you slowly, gently begin choosing yourself… everything shifts. You feel lighter. Your relationships become more honest. You stop performing & start living. You build a life that feels like yours, not an identity you inherited out of guilt.

You deserve a life where your joy is allowed.
You deserve to be free.

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12/04/2025

Breaking the patterns that keep trauma alive doesn’t happen by willpower alone.

If you grew up being the responsible one, the 'mature' child who carried the weight of the family, your nervous system learned to survive through hyper-vigilance, people-pleasing, & pushing down your needs. Even now, as a capable, high-achieving woman, anxiety, perfectionism, & hyper-independence can still show up in ways that feel automatic.

Therapy grounded in DBT-PE (Dialectical Behavior Therapy-Prolonged Exposure) helps break these patterns. It combines:
• DBT skills to regulate emotions, set boundaries, increase connection to the present moment & tolerate painful emotions.
• Prolonged exposure to gently approach the memories and situations you’ve been avoiding - because avoidance, while protective in childhood, actually keeps trauma symptoms alive.

Through different forms of exposure & processing, DBT-PE interrupts survival patterns formed from trauma, helping clear your trauma so your body & mind learn: 'I’m safe now. These feelings won’t overwhelm me. I don’t have to carry it alone anymore.'

The result? The distressing memories & situations dissipates, your fear, guilt & shame come down, & you can finally grieve. You learn new information about your experiences & form more adaptive responses. Less anxiety, less hyper-independence, & more space to be your true self - resilient, strong, & tender.

You don’t have to keep living in survival mode. Healing isn’t about losing your strength- it’s about reclaiming it for the life you actually want.

If you're ready to heal your childhood wounds from & overcome anxiety, tap the link in my bio & schedule an intro call w/ me!

Follow for more on from EIPs 🤍

Allie Jayne Reed, LMHC

12/30/2025

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Monday	11am - 6pm
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