07/28/2023
From Allan and Heidi Rutzen:
On Sunday, July 23, 2023, we buried our oldest son Jack “Dee”. This is the reading Heidi gave at his funeral:
Before I begin with my reading, I would like to provide some context:
In the summer of 2021, Jack told us he wanted to go by the name “Dee”. Some people here only know Jack as Jack, some people only know Jack as Dee, and some people have known him by both Jack and Dee.
For the last 19 months, Dee attended a very specialized therapeutic boarding school in Utah called Daniels Academy. This special place is for neurodiverse kids who need help with emotional regulation, life skills, and social skills, all in a specialized academic environment. On Thursday, I received an email from Betina -- the speech language pathologist at Daniels Academy who worked with Dee. After I read her email, I said, “She just wrote my son’s eulogy.”
With Betina’s permission, I would like to read to you her words about Dee:
_____________
On the day before Dee passed, I walked into school after a 2-week vacation, took one look at Dee and said, “I think that kid grew 2 inches since I was gone!”. I observed Dee (who did not know I was watching) and saw a young adult emerging from the adolescent I had known for so many months. I saw a future college kid, I saw a future member of a loud, yelling band that I would never go see in concert unless it was Dee who invited me and I had industrial-grade earplugs. I saw the beginnings of a transformation that made me smile.
On the day before Dee passed, he practiced his keyboard in the classroom adjacent to my office. My initial reaction was “Oh great, now we need to listen to this for the next hour!” I caught myself, though, and replaced my reactive thoughts with “I am so glad Dee is doing something he loves to do.” During the session I was holding with another student we talked about pursuing interests that we love and how this opens pathways for social connection. I am so glad I caught myself and changed my thoughts.
Three weeks before Dee died, I joined him in his keyboard practice. I showed Dee a few piano chords and whipped out a memorized classical piece that’s been in my brain for decades. Dee’s reaction to my rusty piano skills was excitement, joy, happiness, and encouragement to the point that I thought, “I may start practicing the piano again.”
Dee had this effect on people, of encouraging them and being excited for them, and often joining them in their passions. The insect club comes to mind when Dee made connections with one student specifically as the student shared what they loved (insects). Dee’s excitement about the pet insects helped the student feel connected to others -- something that the student struggled with deeply.
Four months before Dee passed, he attended an academic tour of a local dam and electrical plant. At the heart of the dam control building was a massive metal tube where water rushed through a channel from the reservoir to the river, before electrical power was physically generated. The sound in the concrete room was deafening. The steel casing of the tube containing the rushing water was freezing cold to the touch and vibrated with infinite potential. Dee called my attention with a yell: “BETINA!!! THIS IS AMAAAAAZING!!!” – his hand on the vibrating tube, his body posed in a way that absorbed all the power, energy, and potential rushing through the passage. My thought was, “Dee has finally found a source of power that matches what is happening inside of him”.
Dee’s internal power was an unmeasurable force that I don’t think he understood how to manage or how to express, though not for lack of trying, or lack of loving, skilled guidance. I felt Dee’s power and passion from the first time I met Dee and always in our sessions together.
I am deeply honored that you trusted me to work with Dee, to help Dee channel and manage his force and power. Dee trusted me to teach him. Dee was kind to students in our groups, students who others would not work with. Dee encouraged students to be themselves. Dee shared his incredible force with everyone he met.
I will remember Dee when I stand on top of a mountain, when I am caught in a windstorm, when a blizzard picks up on the ski hill, when I stand beside a rushing river or a stormy ocean, any time I am in the middle of natural forces that vibrate at the fundamental frequency of my soul. I will remember Dee’s energy, Dee’s kindness, Dee’s beauty, and Dee’s passion.
I already miss Dee so very much. My heart is with your family, with Dee’s siblings and with all those who mourn this great loss.
_____________
Jack’s obituary can be found here:
Share memories & support the family
