http://www.snowflakesandjoy.blogspot.com/

Joyfully After All, Sheridan, WY (2026)

04/16/2026

Like many people I enjoy true crime podcasts and shows. I like the ones where the crime is solved. I don’t want any unsolved mysteries. I like seeing the perp go to prison. Justice. I like justice.

They do make me reflect on my journey.

Most of the perps are called monsters. They dehumanized. We as humans don’t like what we are capable of so we dehumanize the worst behaviors and call those people monsters.

It took me years. I am 13 years out from learning about my ex and what he was doing during our marriage. And yes it was horrific.

But he is still human. Jesus created him in his mother’s womb. Jesus bled on the cross for him. Jesus walked out of the tomb for him. Jesus wants him in Heaven.

He is where he needs to be and needs to stay.

Using my nerd skills and my counseling degree I’ve spent a long time researching and studying what kind of evil causes p**o** behavior. It is not something that counseling can “cure”. Yes there are instances where the person no longer hurts others. 9/10 times it is because society has separated that person.

Prison is necessary because humans sin and many do it in very evil ways. But those are still people loved by Jesus. Which shows how amazing Jesus truly is.

It has taken me years to truly truly forgive. It has taken years to put that trauma is the past and be at peace. I have learned the forgiveness is for me. My relationship with Jesus feels more honest when I forgive.

Do I ever want to reconcile? No way. Nope. He is my past. He gave me my child and she is the best gift I have ever been given. But that’s it. She and I have a beautiful life now. She has a future that is full of promise and excitement. Being a teen is a crazy rollercoaster but one full of hope, smiles, laughter, excitement.

Perps of all types need to be separated from society so that people can live beautiful lives. And that is the long reason why I enjoy true crime documentaries.

04/12/2026

Grass as green as the hills of Ireland. The sun shines down, but a slight breeze blows making it perfect for exploring the trail I find myself on. I have my earbuds in playing different hymns and worship songs of Heaven. I’m alone, but not alone. I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit as I explore the gently climbing hills and take the curves that come my way.

I see a small forest up ahead and slowly walk toward it as I sing and cry, giving my tears to the Lord. I am crying in grief. The whole thing though feels holy as I am outside with my Lord. He is the wind. He is in the green green grass and He fills my heart as I pour everything out to Him.

Nature has a way of drawing one to the Creator. The vastness. The beauty. The color. The weather. It all speaks of the Creator. It all points to the Creator.

I don’t recognize where I am, but I know I am not lost as I come to the forest.

The trail that was wide open and sunny is replaced with the worshipful quiet of the forest. The trees, tall and covering. They have seen and heard many a hurting heart. They promise to keep my secrets too. The kindness of the forest.

I remove one earbud and I hear up ahead a babbling brook. I keep going, intrigued. Drawn to the water.

I arrive at the stream. For it is more than a brook. Up ahead, on the other side I see the forest gives way to a verdant valley. I marvel at the beauty of this place.

I kneel on the ground, knowing that this water is safe, so I quench my thirst. It is the freshest water. It is cold and almost has a sweetness to it. Just a few sips and I no longer feel thirst, yet I want more. So more I drink. I splash my face.

I splash some up in the air and watch it come back. I play in the water for quite some time. I feel the breeze almost giggling with me.

“You think that is funny Spirit?” I ask in jest, and splash some more. And again, the wind almost giggles.

And then I look up stream and across and I see YOU.

The one who left too soon. The reason I took this journey. I was initially running from my grief. But as I ran and hiked my grief turned slowly into peace and then silliness at the stream.

I get up and not caring about the consequences and how wet I’ll get, I cross it, water up to my knees. So not too bad.

You don’t move. You are not in a hurry. Time for you isn’t a master anymore. It just is. You live in forever.

You have your feet in the water. You are smiling.

I finally reach you.

“I’ve missed you!” I cry giving you the biggest hug and refusing to let go.

You look different. Definitely you, I knew you from afar, but different. Perfectly healthy.

Finally I let go and we walk to a rock perfectly made as a bench. Smooth, comfortable. The forest to our backs and the valley ahead.

For a long time I don’t know what to say. For so long I’ve planned our first conversation. Now that I have you again, I am at a loss for words.

I am overwhelmed. It’s YOU. Finally. Again.

But then the words come, just a waterfall of words. And you listen without interruption. Like always. Like you. I tell you everything. How much I miss you. All that has gone on. My hopes that your passing foiled. My struggling faith. The cool things that have happened.

I can tell time is passing, but it never gets dark. We are in the forever.

You get up and beckon me to follow. So I do. We walk along the path. Up the hill. It is a steady climb, but I’m not winded at all. You tell me to look up.

I see it.

The empty tomb. On the next hill, the blood stained cross. But everywhere, flowers, except at the foot of the cross. At the foot of the cross is a jar.

“Put your tears there Sweetheart.”

So I do.

Then we go to the tomb.

“Leave your burdens in the tomb, and then walk out in peace and victory like Jesus did.”

So I go in. I see where HIS body rested. I feel the holiness of this place.

I come out feeling more peace.

“I have to go back to my life don’t I?”

You nod

“Your forever hasn’t started yet. Your time here will come. I’ll be waiting again.” You tell me as we walk back toward the water and the forest.

“I don’t want to leave you and all this. I want to go see HIM. I’m ready.” I tell you

“What does His word tell us?” You ask as you sit back on our rock “I am preparing a place for you and when I’m ready I will come get you.” You pause to let me think.

“Jesus’ timing is perfect. The grief you feel isn’t a forever grief. Remember you put your tears in His jar and your hurt in His tomb. You now get to live in His comfort. It won’t always be easy. It is ok to be sad. I missed a lot of people too. But don’t despair. I am more than fine. And one day you too will be, but don’t rush things. God has his timing for a reason. Trust it.”

“But I feel like I am failing HIM, my daughter, just life. Being here with you, with Him would be easier!” I cry standing up. Fighting grief.

“It is easier here. Better. Perfect. But it isn’t your time yet. You have more days there still. Jesus has His reasons. Trust them. You’re an overcomer. You have already overcome so much. Keep running the race. It isn’t over. Don’t quit before the finish. Be strong.”

“I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of overcoming. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of it all.” I hear the whining in my voice.

“It is hard. The consequences of sin. Go back to the tomb. Take your time in there. Sit at the cross if you need that. Let it all remind you that Your Savior understands. He does. More than we realize on your side.”

So I go back to the cross and sit there. I hug it. I again tell Jesus everything. I give Him more tears. I ask Him to forgive my impatience and lack of trust in His timing.

I get up and walk to the tomb. I sit in the coolness. It is darker in there, but I can see everything. I ask Jesus, “Give me the strength to walk out of here and let my loved one stay. Lord. You once left this tomb knowing that your time with your best friends was ending. You knew their futures, how hard it would be. You knew they had to do it though, before You would call them home. Give me the ability to finish my race, however long it may be, in joy and peace. Help this next chapter to be full of laughter, fun, and service for You. Thank You for today.”

I then get up and leave the tomb.

“Are you ready to head home?” You ask as I rejoin you.

“As ready as I can be. I don’t want to go back, but I know this all awaits and He will be with me till I am back and at HIS feet.”

“And just as I was today, I’ll be waiting then too. I love you, that hasn’t changed.”

“I love you too.” And I hug you for a very long time, knowing it is my last for awhile, but not forever.

I take more sips from the water that refreshes. I put my earbuds back in and I wave. You are waving too. Then you turn to enjoy the forever you have earned. I watch you. I take the first steps back to run my race.

04/12/2026

Today has been one of THOSE days. It is 6:22 and I am about to get out of my pj’s for new ones.

One of those days when a Dad chat would have really helped. A day when I am just more than ready for the Rapture. A day when I am blasting Scars in Heaven and Broken Hallelujah.

Dad, I miss you. SO MUCH. But gosh as I listen to these songs about Heaven, I am so excited for you. Your last months were agony. Now? I admit I’m jealous.

No more tears. No more scars. No more worries. No stress. No regrets. No anger. No fear.

Beauty that makes the most beautiful things down here pale in comparison. Joy. Peace. Freedom. Worshipping Jesus at His feet. Visiting friends and family.

Are you eagerly counting the days till we get there? Has God told you when that will be? Have you met the apostles yet?

You are truly free Dad. How awesome that must be! I’m excited for you. Have you met my two kids up there?

I’d love to have just 1 more chat with you. But I’m greedy and would want another and another. I loved our chats.

I can only imagine what I will see first as you lead me to the Jesus we both love. Knowing that we share Him is getting me through. It is going to be amazing joining you up there someday when my race is run.

For now, I’m needing Jesus more than ever and I’m learning to truly make Him my number one and give Him the place in my life He deserves and I need. Thank you Dad for teaching me to love Jesus.

04/10/2026

Saturday will be 4 months without my Dad. This week was hard with Easter on Sunday.

4 months.

4 months of not getting to talk to him and pray with him. 4 months since I last held his hand.

It’s been longer since he hugged me because pancreatic cancer is an awful, disgusting thief.

4 months since I last hugged him. 4 months since I last gave him a kiss on his forehead and said “goodbye”.

4 months and a lifetime to go.

In these 4 months we have celebrated Christmas, Easter, birthdays. Snowflake has a new hairstyle (cut and color). I was promoted at work. I had a couple of minor health scares. And many everyday activities have taken place. Things that Papa used to be a part of.

I was out walking today on my break and just talking to God. I was asking Him to help me. Help me see the future not as this vast time of grief with no end, but as something hopeful, full of joy and memories. I asked God to help me remember that on this side life seems long and at times unbearable, but on Heaven’s side? It will seem like it was just a blur.

On 12-12-25 Dad was given that perspective. He took his last painful breath here and his very next one was pain free, sorrow free, regret free. He was eternally healed in the space of one breath.

This week has been hard, but I know things are getting better. I feel myself moving away from my anger a little more each day. I feel longer moments of peace. Memories bring fewer tears.

It’s a cycle, a journey, a process, a way of life. However it helps you to picture grief. Grief is not cookie cutter. It is individual and it doesn’t move on a linear time line.

Back when everything happened with my ex there was anger and shame mixed in with the grief and that was a very different grief.

My Ra*e was a very different grief.

My miscarriages were a very different grief.

Moving across the country in 2013 was a different grief.

Ands that’s the truth about grief. The same person will grieve differently for different events. Just because you dealt with grief one way 5 years ago, doesn’t mean today’s grief will be similar.

I’m learning to be ok with that. I’m learning to not be afraid or ashamed of the tears. I try not to lose it in public, but if I do, well. Sorry, but it is what it is.

I am learning that God’s peace isn’t a removal of grief. It’s a calm assurance that better days are our future. God’s peace is the hope of Heaven.

Heaven. One word, so much to smile about. Sun. Warmth. Friends. Family. Health. Stamina. Feasts. Beauty.

Heaven. JESUS.

JESUS.

This has been a hard week, but JESUS. That one name brings a smile even in the midst of hard weeks. Because Jesus IS Hope. Jesus IS peace. Jesus IS joy.

What first comes to mind when you think of Jesus?

04/06/2026

Our Easter this year was quieter. It was less celebratory than past years. And that’s ok. Dad did a lot of celebrating for us.

I think our Savior understands that while we are still and eternally thankful for salvation, some years the joy isn’t like David’s unashamed dancing before the Lord. Some years it is quiet reflection in grief.

Jesus came. He lived a 100% human life. He was a “man of sorrows”. So Jesus gets it. He KNOWS pain. He encourages us to “come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden.”

Grief definitely makes one weary. It is very heavy. So yesterday and today, and all our days, we go to Him.

Not only does Holy Week represent our salvation and what Jesus did to provide the way to Heaven, but because we’ve been made right with God through faith in Christ we can bring EVERYTHING to Him and leave it there.

The heavy grief can be replaced with the lighter peace. The burdening sorrow turns into holy comfort. The vastness of eternity is now the anticipated forever with HIM.

It was a quieter Easter, but it had its holy moments. This year my heart focused on the promise of reunion. Reunion with all those I love who have finished their races. Reunion with my Savior worshipping at His feet.

Thank you Lord for all that Holy Week is and for all you did and suffered for me. Thank you that I can leave my sorrow in your tomb and find peace and holy anticipation there. The anticipation of a forever with You in a place where pain of any kind is in our past only.

It was a quieter Easter weekend, but in many ways a peaceful and more focused Easter and I think that is ok and even good.

04/03/2026

This photo for season 6 of The Chosen is indeed powerful. The weight of my sins and your sins made that heavy beam even heavier.

Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice. Thank you for hanging on the cross I deserved. Thank you for all that day means.

Each step you took was a choice you made. Each drop of blood was dropped in love. Each moment of humiliation was suffered in love.

Thank you.

04/02/2026

Dear Lord,
Around the world Your children are spending this week in gratitude for all that you did while here, especially for your suffering.

For us suffering happens because we are full of sin and choose the hard path. We choose to do wrong. Adam and Eve chose the forbidden fruit and daily we choose the sin.

Jesus, you lived and walked this earth and not once did you choose wrong. You were holy and perfect. Kind. Good. Righteous.

Yet when evil men with all sorts of un-holy motives chose to come against you, you allowed it. You had the power to leave. The scourging. The crown. The mockery. With one word you could have stopped it all, your pain over.

You allowed it. The cross beam? Your weakened, bloody body willingly drug it through the streets of Jerusalem.

You were still as they bound and NAILED you to the cross. You could have gotten off. The angels were ready to be at your side. But your dying continued.

The sin that covered you? That was my sin. The sign on your cross? That was mine. The penalty you paid? That was mine. Mine and everyone else who has lived except for you, yet you let those sins cover you.

The separation from Abba? That should have been us feeling the weight of God’s wrath and turned back.

May I live each day and not just Holy Week in gratitude and awe of Your love and endurance.

Thank you is inadequate, but it is what I have. I love you Jesus. I can’t wait to get to Your feet and tell you someday. For now, help me to live a life of gratitude and worship.

04/01/2026

We are in the midst of Holy Week. The week we spend remembering Christ’s last days before He was nailed to the cross, His dead body put in a borrowed tomb, and then He began the new week walking out of that tomb alive.

I have been listening to the song Homesick for Heaven. And I believe that as Christians we should be homesick or yearning for Heaven.

As a human who only knows life on this earth and can’t fully comprehend how amazing Heaven is, I think I am like Eve, homesick for Eden.

Eden I can more fully comprehend. Eden was a perfect, beautiful garden. Eden was lush grass that was soft underfoot. Eden was fruit always in season. Eden was the aroma of the fresh outdoors. Eden was crystal clear water.

I can picture all that in my mind. I can see Adam and Eve enjoying it, petting the lions, playing fetch with a wolf, riding an elephant.

The book of Revelation promises Believers that a new Heaven and a new Earth is coming in the future. This old polluted one will disappear.

We will get to return to an Edenic life. That is going to be amazing. Choose to believe in the truth of all that Holy Week represents and you will get to experience the new Earth.

Since I’m still on this old earth, and not yet celebrating Easter with my Savior I plan to listen to as much music as I can that points me to Jesus and His promise of the new creations.

03/26/2026

There is a lot going on in our world right now. I think there always has been, but we live in a time when things happening across the globe we can know about instantly. That wasn’t always true. We also live in a time when it seems like the events described in the last book of the Bible are closer to happening.

One of the worst events in human history was the Holocaust of the 1930’s and 1940’s in Europe. As horrific as that time was, God was able to use it to draw the Hebrew people back to Israel, and Israel became a Jewish nation again. This hadn’t happened in thousands of years. So are we seeing (to use the analogy of birth) the earth at 2 cm dilated and we are still not nearly ready for the “End Times” or are at an 8cm and pretty close?

There are so many of us who hope and pray that we are almost there. We believe the Rapture will happen before the Tribulation, and it will usher Believers into Heaven; our time on this messy planet will be over. As we wait we are praying and sharing Jesus with others. As Believers in the truth of the Bible, we want as many others to join us in Heaven as possible.

The apostle Matthew recorded Jesus stating, “13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matt. 7:13-14)

Because of this statement we know that not all of our friends, neighbors, family members, and fellow humans will come to know Christ as Savior. Earlier this week I read a post on social media that gave me pause. My soul felt icky ready it. I felt icky because it sounded good, but it was just wrong enough that it will teach others falsehoods about who Christ is, and how to get into Heaven.

Basically, this post stated that Christianity fails because it preaches exclusion. Not all people get into Heaven. If God was truly ALL loving (He is) then there would not be the haves and the have nots. Jesus came to remind us that we are all loved by God and as humans we are all included in the good afterlife. To quote the post, “So when Jesus says, “I am the way,” he is not offering directions. He is embodying a reality. The “way” is not a path you walk toward God; it’s the collapse of the illusion that you were ever apart from God in the first place. The way is awakening, not arrival.”

First of all, the verse I quoted above (and others like it) point to Jesus describing heading toward Heaven as a path, because we are separated from God. That is made abundantly clear back in Genesis. God is 100% holy and righteous. He only abides with those that are as holy and righteous as He. We sin, we are not righteous. We are not holy. We ARE INDEED separated from our Creator, the only God.

The article goes on to refute the basic premise of Jesus’ “I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except by me.” Statement. Christianity fails (according to the article) because Christians believe statements like this mean not everyone gets into Heaven because we require loyalty to Jesus. The article ends saying this, “And the truth he [Jesus] embodied is this; you belong, you are already held, and the love you’ve been trying to reach has been breathing in you the whole time.”

Christians don’t preach fear we preach truth. The truth is that we ARE separated from God. God along with being holy and righteous is also 100% loving, and we are the apple of His eye. So God came to earth as Jesus, lived a 100% human life, but lived it perfectly. He allowed Himself to be sacrificed, because the penalty for sin, the only to be made holy and righteous is through death, so Jesus, the only perfect human allowed the crucifixion. But as God, he didn’t remain dead. He walked out of the tomb. Alive, having paid the penalty He as God requires. That is pure love.

God’s only requirement for sinful humans to reside in Heaven after this life is over is our acceptance and belief in all that Jesus did. If we choose to live and believe anything else, we give up Heaven. So yes, not everyone will go to Heaven. Many people, have views contrary to the truth about Jesus that is found in the Bible.

“Believe on the Lord Jesus and you shall be saved.” (Acts 16:31)

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life and they shall never perish. No one shall sn**ch them away from me.” (John 10: 27-28)

“That whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. He who believes in Him is not condemned. But he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.” (John 3:15-18)

The Bible is very clear that our separation is REAL. Jesus didn’t come to remind us that we just have to breathe and we will go to Heaven. He didn’t come to be some metaphysical reminder that because God loves us it doesn’t matter what we do or what we believe, we will go play harps and fly around the clouds for all eternity.

No! Jesus came because God loves us and wants to right what we wronged and make a path that can bring us back to Him. We do have to choose faith in Christ. We do have to practice loyalty to Christ after we realize our need for Him. The path is narrow and not everyone chooses Christ.

Yes, I hope the Rapture is soon. I long to be reunited with those I love who are already in Heaven. I yearn to worship Jesus while at His feet. I can’t wait to see Heaven. I think we are very close to the “End Times”. I also pray that all my friends and family choose to believe the truth of Jesus and not all the noise and lies that are out there making Christianity something it is not.

My Dad chose the narrow path, I’ve chosen it, and will you choose it?

03/13/2026

Today was busy, which was a good thing.

3 months.

3 long months since I last kissed my Dad. 3 months since I last held his hand. 3 months since I whispered in his ear, “I love you”.

3 months down, a lifetime to go.

I sat in my office at work and it hit me how weird it felt that life just goes on. We have a funeral, but then life proceeds as normal. Loved ones are left to grieve alone, quietly, in our “off” hours from work and the daily grind.

Today I had work, tennis for my daughter, handbell practice for me, and my daughter’s parent/teacher conference. Finally in the snow I drove home and could sit in my room to process before getting up to do chores.

3 months.

3 months of freedom for Dad. 3 months of SEEING Jesus. 3 months of no pain. 3 months with his parents. 3 months in the most beautiful place.

Dad, you’ve had 3 months of peace and joy. 3 months to worship at our Savior’s feet. That Dad? That’s cool!

I love ya and miss you Dad, but I know that this separation is just making our next hug that much more special. See ya “soon”.

03/10/2026

Right now we are in the middle of Lent. In early April we will celebrate Easter and the resurrection of our Savior. But first we have to pause and remember how the tomb was filled before it was emptied.

We call it Good Friday, but that day, the day 2000ish years ago was anything but good.

The night before, on what we call Maundy Thursday, Jesus was betrayed by one of his close followers. He was arrested, and yo-yo’d back and forth between different factions of power before being sentenced to a gruesome death. Before he could be executed he was mocked, flogged, and forced to drag his own instrument of death through the city and up the hill.

And then, he was tied and nailed to a cross, and it was lifted up and dropped into place.

For hours he hung there. Naked. Suffering. Abandoned. Suffocating. Dying.

In the midst he cried out, “My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?”

For the only time in history (past, present and future) the godhead was fractured.

As I walk through my grief I have had times when I’ve asked, “Dad why didn’t you fight harder?” and “Dad why did you have to go, now?” I feel the separation of a daughter without her father. It HURTS.

But that is nothing compared to the pain Jesus felt when he was covered in humanity’s sin and his Abba turned away.

Jesus took on our shame.

Jesus felt the pain that we would never survive.

Jesus was abandoned (for a time) in a way that we will never feel.

And yet he still remained faithful and trusting. His pain is a lesson on how we need to handle our pain. He cried out TO father God.

Too often we let pain take us away from God, when we need to run to Him like Jesus did on the cross.

Jesus felt forsaken so we never have to.

It is called Good Friday because Jesus did it all for our good, for our reconciliation with Abba.

Thank you Jesus.

Thank you that you know pain, so in my pain I have somewhere to run.

Thank you that I know I will never face the depth of pain you did.

Thank you that I know I have a future with you when all my pain will be resolved & will evaporate into joy.

Thank you.

03/10/2026

March 17, 1990: My first birthday without Grandpa Carl.
March 17, 2007: My first birthday without Grandma Betty
March 17, 2013: My first birthday with Grandma Wanda
March 17, 2014: My first birthday without my (now ex) husband
March 17, 2026: My first birthday without my Dad

Birthdays have always been special for me. I love celebrating mine and I love celebrating others’ too. It’s a fun day to let people know you love them.

Yet they can be a hard reminder that some of the people you love celebrating with the most are gone. The joy and fun can dim. You want to just forget the day and treat it like any other day.

But it is not any other day. It is YOUR day. It should be fun. How do you reconcile the fun and the grief?

Satan wants us mired in our grief. He wants to steal all the joy. He wants us miserable. Satan wants us to dread our birthday, holidays, and quiet moments. The times we would be with our loved ones. A grieving and depressed Christian is just treading water and not able to fight the spiritual battle.

So we have to find the courage and energy to cry out to Jesus. Heaven’s army is ready to go to battle for us. I love to picture the angels just waiting for Jesus to say, “Go! Knock those minions down a peg or two. Protect MY child.”

The angels already know Jesus has won. The angels know they are on the good side. They know how much Jesus loves us. They are fighting what we can’t, with knowledge and perspective we don’t have.

Jesus and His angels want us to be joyful, to enjoy this earth and our time here, as we serve Him.

So, in order to renew my joy and not be mired in grief on days that Satan wants me mired, I crank up the worship music, I tune my heart to HIM, I run to HIM.

And I ask Jesus to give my loved ones the hugs that I can’t give right now. I imagine them in Heaven and what they are doing.

I also let the tears come. For me, tears are love leaking down. I need to pause and let it. But I don’t let them last all day, because I know that someday I will celebrate not my birthday, but my Heaven day, and those hugs? They will be worth the wait!

Joyfully After All

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