Joyfully After All

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Joyfully After All

Dedicated to all of us searching for joy, smiles & help to navigate this crazy journey called life. I am unashamedly in love with Jesus & talk about Him.

03/04/2026

Dad had a group of men that I’d call his band of brothers. Men he loved like brothers. Today is the first birthday for that group without my dad. Next is my Mom’s birthday. After that, mine.

March is full of “firsts”.

Firsts are hard as we navigate this After-Before. But I think Tenths will be hard too.

So this morning I’m finding myself sprinting to my Savior who is stronger than sorrow. I’m reminding myself that when Dad lived he modeled Christ for us, so that now that Dad is gone we have our best friend, our comforter to be with.

Sometimes the pain is deep and we can hardly move, so we let the Lord breathe for us. Knowing that someday we will be with Jesus and my Dad again, and it will be in a place where there is just joy, peace, majesty and worshipping God.

Dad, that’s cool.

03/01/2026

I was just watching a few behind the scenes clips on The Chosen season 6 (coming this Fall to Prime). We all KNOW my Mom & I are super fans (though work and budgets kept us from attending ChosenCon).

Season 6 episodes 1-6 will be the trials of Jesus and the final moments before His actual crucifixion (the crucifixion will be coming to theaters Easter 2027). In other words, while it won't be shown as graphic as The Passion, it will be brutal for viewers. Brutal because as Believers we know that Jesus lived a perfect, selfless life, and His death was a violent as could be. His lonliness and abandonment by his inner circle? Pretty soul crushing (we will see the select few who remained by His side).

As I was watching it hit me. The crucifixion wasn't Jesus losing. It was Jesus winning. It was Jesus beginning to crush Satan. It was Jesus dying and enduring seperation from God, so that death for us doesn't have to be an eternal seperation.

And yes, I've known all this for deades. But in my grief I have been bogged down. I haven't prayed the way I used to. I haven't read Scripture as much. I am not listening to Scriptural teaching podcasts. I am letting my grief lead me and leave me in the dark valley.

Jesus didn't endure everything He endured so I could wallow in grief and self pity. He didn't crush Satan so I could let him keep me feeling defeated.

The brutal truth is, as Brad's kid I've expected to outlive him. He certainly did not want to outlive me (even though that almost happened). Dad's death was sooner than we all wanted, but Dad doesn't want to come back, even if he could. Dad has earned his reward for a life well lived. Dad is just now awaiting our entrance, but he doesn't want to return here.

Jesus endured all He did so that we can face death with hope and even a measure of joy. We are HIS. His blood bought us. He endured the trials, mocking, agony, nakedness, thirst, abandonement, and death so that by choosing Him we can win.

The battle is decided. Season 6 will be hard. But we won't be watching Jesus lose. We will be watching God win. We will see that through Jesus our grief doesn't have to bury us.

Does this knowedge magically remove the pain of grief? Of course not. It is still hard to live without the ones we love. It does though offer light in the darkness and joy for the days ahead. It does help me gain perspective and tell ol Satan to "Shut up."

02/28/2026

Tomorrow March arrives. With her comes my Mom's birthday, my birthday, Spring, my new bifocals (welcome to being middle aged I guess) and more firsts without my Dad.

Its been 2.5 months. The weeks are now in the double digits. It feels like just yesterday we played what turned out to be our last games of Sorry and Yahtzee. It also has felt like a lifetime.

No matter how many loved ones (miscarriages, friends, family, my marriage) I've watched pass away and had to leave in my yesterdays it never gets easier. I think it gets harder in some ways.

We were created for life by God himself.

Each death leaves me more homesick for Heaven. I am left remembering that there is something better awaiting me.

I remember being in such a hurry to get there that I tried to take myself to Heaven. God tod me, "In my time Child. Not yours." May 2003 wasn't my time. December 12, 2025 was Dad's time.

For those of us who loved him that's a bitter pill to swallow. Its hard being left out, left behind, knowing our loved ones who chose Christ have been invited in, and we are not, yet.

We grieve in all the stages. We keep doing the next right thing, but the sunrise seems a little less corful, the sunset a little less magnificent with each death. Yet we trust God and His timing. We trust that earth's sorrows will be erased when we get invited and it is our turn to join Jesus.

Yes, I'm grieving. Its still hard. But I do grieve with hope. I grieve with peace. I grieve expectantly, doing my best be HIS light and HIS princess while here.

Living without our loved ones dims but doesn't erase the beauty this earth offers. It is hard, but it isn't without hope and peace. It isn't without joy. We may be grieving, but with the Holy Spirit we can do it while living: laughing, loving, experiencing all the gifts God still sends our way.

02/26/2026

I've been thinking a lot lately about this life journey we are all on. I say my Dad lost his battle with cancer. Cancer murdered him. He's gone. Some of my fellow Christians would say Dad won, he's in Heaven with Jesus. And they are right in that Dad is with Jesus.

Dad still died though. He's gone. God created the earth, the plants, animals and humans for life. God's perfect design is for everlasting life with Him. God's perfect plan is an undefiled world.

Humanity ruined that perfect plan and the penalty is death. We die because we sin. Death is the ultimate consequence.

God doesn't want us to pay eternally, He loves His silly, wayward children. So Jesus is the anecdote to eternal death. Christians, those who choose Jesus in this life, get to spend eternity with HIM.

So yes, in earthly terms Dad lost. He died. He is gone. And yes, his faith means he is with Jesus now. He'd consider that the biggest win of all. And it is.

But he didn't get to stick around for the Rapture. That's my plan. I want to FLY, not die. 😁

Till then (Rapture or Death) I am taking life hourly right now and finding my smile moments. Today it was looking through photos and not crying as quickly, but actually enjoying them. It was a busy but fulfilling day at work. It was some good conversations. It was hugs from my daughter and making some shorts for her YT page. It was a hug from my Mom. It was reading in Psalms.

Lent 2026 is teaching me to keep walking in the holy hard and grieving joyfully. And Dad? "That's cool:.

02/24/2026

Yes. With God by our side single parents are not parenting alone, and we do it because we love our kid(s).

02/23/2026

I had a feeling, but I didn't know for sure. If I had known this was the last time I'd hold your had before you went to Jesus, I wouldn't have let go. The next time I held this hand, you were not using it. You were healthy and whole in your Heaven body.

Even as I grieve I am trying to be thankful. Thankful for every hug, every hand hold, every lesson. Thankful for your grilled cheese sandwiches and cinnamon puffs.

Even more, I am thankful you are with Jesus. Watching the whole process was excruciating. Cancer belongs in Hell with Satan. It is evil. It is a thief. Cancer murders.

You are whole. You are healthy. You have endless energy. You see beauty everywhere. The food is beyond my imagination. You spend your time serving Jesus. You are reunited with friends and family. I am thankful for all of that. I am. More able to convince myself of this thanksgiving everyday.

Still, a huge part of me wishes I could still hold this hand and not just your ashes on my finger.

For now I'm in my After-Before and I'm learning to give my grief to the Jesus you now see, and He gives me reasons to smile and be thankful.

And Dad, "That's cool."

02/23/2026

I was recently promoted at work. I love my new position. Yet it was partly bittersweet. Dad and I would have gone to Java Moon and talked about it. He would have given me a big hug. It would have been fun. Now? It felt weird celebrating without him.

Grief is a beast. It is learning to find joy with a hole in your life. It is wanting to get on FaceTime, but journaling instead.

Still, I have commited to spending Lent re-finding my joy.

In order to do that, earlier today I cleaned out my freezer and deep cleaned and re-arranged the furniture in my living room. Cleaning isn't my favorite thing, but sitting in a room that is more organized and less cluttered is relaxing. I sipped some hot chocolate and just enjoyed the clean space.

Day by day the Holy Spirit is catching my tears and reminding me my joy in Him is still there, and slowly I am finding it as I learn to celebrate milestones in a new way. I'm not able to have hot drinks with Dad anymore, but I can picture him sitting at Jesus' feet after serving friends in Heaven. And as Dad would say, "That's pretty cool."

02/13/2026

Dad,

Well today marked 2 months without you here. 1/6 of a year. I'm doing my best to do what you asked and not lose my hard fought joy. I admit that you gave me a really hard task, but I'm trying.

You would be proud of my Snowflake. She's trying really hard to be more like Papa. You are a good one to emulate, thanks for that.

Right now as I am crying a bit I am also enjoying the videos I have of you like this one in the snow. While we are talking about snow could you please ask Abba to send some? This winter the snow got lost East of the Mississippi!

2026 has been a LONG year so far, but each day we are trying to follow in your footsteps and be more like the Jesus we all love. Each day brings us one day closer to our grand reunion when you will lead us to Jesus' throne the way you lead us to our saving faith.

The grief is still acute, but I am starting to have days when I feel like my joy is not just a spark, but might actually turn back into a flame. Jesus is giving me hope.

I will always love ya. Thanks for 42.5 years of memories and love here.

02/07/2026

Its been the 2 of us since 2013. She wasn't even walking on her own when our family of 3 with #4 growing in me became a family of 2 with her Dad gone and little sibliing miscarried.

Over the years I've gone on a few dates, even came close to giving her a step father once. But in the end it has just been the two of us and our cats.

Single parenting, even with the fantastic tribe I have (starting with my family and dear friends) is full of lonely moments. It is stressful. It is frustrating. You don't have that partner to talk to in the dark, or to say, "I'm overwhelmed, you are primary tonight."

Yes, great family and friends step up and I have the best and I can't do this without them. But at the end of the day, or now at 4am I am her protector, chef, Uber, coach, cheerleader, etc. I'm alone, stressed, frustrated.

Late at night when my extrovert has her 45,000 words she still needs to spew before she can sleep, I am who she has. So my introvert self has to find the energy to engage.

My paycheck has to cover things for the both of us. My choices directly affect (effect, those get me, but I digress) her. It's a struggle.

As hard as it can be. As lonely as it can be I have learned a valuable lesson. It is about perspective.

The above post is all true, but so is the following...

I am her imperfect but very loving mom. She has a loving Father, the Father to the father-less.

I am not alone. I have an amazing tribe that surrounds me, so even though only 2 humans live in our home, I have the best people that I rely on and who step up when I can't anymore.

I get to play chef and watch her grow from sous chef to head chef.

I get to have fun, deep, revealing conversations in the car with her.

I get to be her #1 fan.

I have a career that pays our bills and feeds my child. She's even able to attend a Christian school that is preparing her spiritually and academically for adulthood.

I get to know her deeply in our late night (she would say 9pm is NOT LATE, MOM) chats when she has to get it out.

We are safe and our home is full of love. Yes we love "out loud". We both have Irish tempers. We are in her teen years and both learning how to navigate them. But at the end of the day we love each other and Jesus and that is what matters.

When I put my life in the right perspective it is pretty blessed. I get to mother a child I love dearly. Watching her grow is a gift that I don't take for granted.

Living joyfully is about having the right perspective. One that honors Christ by seeing His hand in all of it. Look at the picture of your life from a new perspective and you just may see the beauty that abounds.

02/05/2026

One thing life has taught me is that as soon as I purpose and commit to doing something for God, to finding a way to nurture and grow my faith, Old Hairy Legs (Satan) comes a crawling in and tries to derail me before I even get going. Old Hairy is pretty predictable that way.

I've made a public commitment to spend Lent traveling grief by focusing on my blessings from God and finding reasons for laughter and joy. My Dad has nothing but joy, and I know it has only been two months, but before Jesus took him, Dad reminded me that my life word is JOY not grief, so I need to find my joy again. Grief isn't wrong and how long we each grieve is personal, but for me my commitment to my Savior is to live joyfully. That means focusing on eternity and my wonderful Savior and living for Him.

Anyway, as soon as I chose to focus on joy Old Hairy tried to mire me in the Pit of Grief.

I have found that my best weapon is worship. It takes my focus off where Satan wants it and puts it on God. So I am cleaning my house, blasting my worship songs, and singing (off key, but Jesus doesn't care and neither do my cats) while I'm home alone.

Living joyfully doesn't eradicate grief but refocuses it and gives the grief to the Savior who weeps with us, conquers the cause of grief, and invites us to live forever with Him.

Old Hairy Legs stands no chance at winning when Jesus is invited to the fight. Jesus won the big battle and He will help us win our skirmishes with Old Hairy. Not even death gets the final word for those who choose Christ.

02/02/2026

2-2-02. It was a horrible day. But it was 24 years ago now. I saw evil up front and it changed my life, but I survived. The trauma was and is real, but it was 1 score and four years ago now.

Since then I have experienced many cool things. I've earned two degrees, I got married and then gave birth to a pretty unique human whom I love mightily. I've lived on both sides of the mighty Mississippi. I've had different jobs, and now a career I enjoy. I have an amazing tribe of friends and family.

I've also lived through some pretty hard times. Abusive boyfriend, husband's arrest and trial, divorce, health issues, deaths of people I care about and death of beloved pets.

Through it all my Dad was there. To call me when the river seperated us, and when he could, to envelope me in one of his healing hugs that for the moment, and moments after, let me feel like everything would be alright because Dad was here.

No matter where I lived, on 2/2 he would make sure I had some yellow roses to remind me (till my cats attack them) that he loved me. Those flowers were little Dad hugs. They reminded me, "You are alright."

This year? No flowers. No call. No Dad hug. And it is not alright. Not at all. I'm mad. Mad that death stole my Dad. Mad that God took him. Its hard right now, tonight on the eve of 2/2, to celebrate for him. Even though I know he is with his Jesus. That is cold comfort tonight.

He was the most loyal, faithful, loving man I know. He was my Barnabas. My encourager. He understood that even though its been 20 plus years, the anniversary still causes a pause and reflection. A remembrance, a pang of pain for the girl on the 3rd floor who couldn't escape the horror.

And tonight, its a different room. I'm no longer a young girl just starting adulthood. I'm a middle aged woman who just really misses the Dad she loves and whose hugs did heal. A woman who really needs a hug she will never receive again on this earth.

And that just really hurts tonight.

01/27/2026

Dear Dad,

Well. We've almost made it through the first full calendar month without you. Its been a long month. It is hard to imagine a full year without you, let alone the rest of my life.

As your daughter I knew this would happen, but I was hoping it wouldn't happen till I was 60 or 70 years old. You are that special.

You got out at a good time. The world is just as crazy and global politics are just as infuriating as ever.

So Mom went a bought a huge TV. You'd just shake your head, but secretly love watching F1 on it.

Snowflake's school play went well. She did a great job getting props where they needed to be. She is progressing in tennis. I think she's grown since you last saw her.

I've now been to Java Moon twice. Still yummy, but I miss our conversations there. Work is going quite well right now. Crazy the path God had for me job wise. Not what we imagined, but I enjoy it. It is hard some days working at the cancer center, but I trust God has a reason for having me there.

I could use just one more Dad hug. I'd never let you go. I'd hold you so tight God has to let you stay. Be prepared for Heaven's longest hug when I get there someday.

I'm looking forward to the trip the kid and I have planned for the summer. I'll tell ya all about it. We are going to have summer fun with frieds, in water, and visiting the Ark.

I miss ya BIG, but I'm trying to do what you said and fill these days with joy. I know you are full of joy, happiness, and Jesus. I'll get there emotionally, I will. I promise.

Ending on a fun note, we finally got a dusting of snow over the weekend. It was beautiful as it fell.

I love you.

Love Always,
Your Daughter #2

PS. The picture is from church the other week. I'm not sure who wrote it.

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Sheridan, WY
82801

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http://www.snowflakesandjoy.blogspot.com/

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I am available to speak on a variety of topics. I am willing to travel to wherever you happen to be. I use PowerPoint as well as a variety of other forms of technology to share God's love, God’s joy and peace as well as His power to heal what is broken. I try to keep my speaker fees as affordable as possible. Message me to book an engagement! If you want to purchase copies of my book, Joyfully After All hop on over to Amazon.

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