ACA WSO

ACA WSO Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)/Dysfunctional Families is a Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition program of people who grew up in dysfunctional homes.

This page is intended to provide ACA info only. Cross talk or inappropriate language is not permitted. Find an ACA meeting online or in your area. https://adultchildren.org/meeting-group/

Let's have a discussion:What successes have you celebrated from working your program in ACA?What ways do you celebrate a...
09/07/2025

Let's have a discussion:
What successes have you celebrated from working your program in ACA?
What ways do you celebrate and honor yourself?

09/06/2025

Addictions

“Many adult children find ACA and begin recovery. A few seem to do well only to act out in addictions such as drugs, alcohol, food, gambling or compulsive spending.”
BRB p. 69

When we started attending ACA meetings, we may have heard words that triggered pain and confusion and hope, a baffling mix of emotions. After living a numbed-out life for so long, this new chaos inside felt threatening to many of us.

It may have been hard for us to listen to others speak; the pain it provoked seemed too much to bear. Soon, perhaps we couldn’t find time for meetings. Maybe we turned to an old “friend” like alcohol, food, drugs, TV or another numbing behavior to quiet the stirred-up thoughts and feelings. But something had changed: “using” didn’t feel the same because we now knew there was a better way.

Confused and alone, we returned to a meeting. We admitted we were having trouble just sitting still and listening because we were feeling so much, and feeling was scary. Our friends told us we were not alone, and that sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. They promised that if we kept coming back, sharing, listening, and working the program, it would get better.

They were right! With our Higher Power to guide us, we find “inside” answers when we begin to trust ourselves and our inner loving parent. We finally learn to comfort our Inner Child.

On this day if things get difficult, I will sit down, breathe, and reach for the strength and wisdom of the program. I will remember I am not alone.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

Let's have a discussion: What has helped you the most in reparenting yourself?How have you been able to reclaim your val...
09/05/2025

Let's have a discussion:
What has helped you the most in reparenting yourself?
How have you been able to reclaim your value and self worth?

09/04/2025

Generational Grief

“Our search for our grief/loss can begin by asking this question: ‘What did I receive from my dysfunctional family and what would I have received from loving parents in the same situation?’”
BRB p. 204

We grew up with expectations of normal, supportive behavior, but our expectations were not met. This spawned a grieving process. We didn’t realize that previous generations were grieving too, which helps explain, but doesn’t excuse their dysfunctional behavior. We often say our parents did the best they could with what they had. Unfortunately, what they had was too often not nearly enough, just as what they had received was not enough.

Unprocessed grief from our childhoods and our ancestors’ childhoods can put us in a perpetual state of mourning. The generational nature of this is called “complicated grief.” This grief can hold us hostage, undermine our ability to function well, and adversely complicate relationships. It can contribute to medical problems, because grief has friends called shame, sadness, depression, and insecurity – a great prescription for being unhealthy.

In ACA, we uncover the roots of our grief, recognize what we didn’t receive as children, and see how we learned to react as a result. ACA teaches us how to stop the grief cycle and become our own loving parents. We do the work for ourselves before we can help future generations have less baggage to carry forward.

On this day I recognize the immense grief I carry. I know I can work through it and change my life, giving myself what I didn’t get as a child. I reparent myself using the tools of ACA recovery.

09/04/2025

Tradition 7
“Each group ought to be fully self supporting…”
Yet to help carry the message to others who still suffer ACA world service needs our help. Publishing, distribution, creating literature, workshops, support for Intergroups, regions and meetings. Maintain the website updating meeting list and a multitude of resources serving adult chidren around the globe, 70 countries and counting. Publishing our literature in many of those languages please visit website to see all the wonderful things available to us.
Giving is easy at

09/03/2025

Step Nine

“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
BRB p. 235

Amends can be scary. It’s hard having to admit we are wrong or that we did something to harm another. We learn that our first amends are to ourselves. But we also must make decisions about when amends to others will harm ourselves or others, or when we’re avoiding personal responsibility due to pride.

As we recover in ACA, we learn to trust our instincts. But we also need to be sure that the fear we bring from childhood doesn’t get pulled into the mix inappropriately. We’re adults, and most amends situations we face will put us in very little danger of being physically harmed as we were in childhood. So it’s the emotional part we’re worried about, whether we can handle what comes back at us. And even though we may not realize it right away, that eventually starts to make the decision of whether or not to make amends easier.

After we talk it through with our sponsor and others we trust, we’ll know whether the amends are appropriate; if so, we’ll decide whether we’re strong enough to make them. If not, then we’ll wait until we are.
It’s about keeping our slates clean.

On this day I will make amends to myself first. Then I will prepare for my necessary amends to others, which I will do if, and when, I’m ready.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

The Solution in the Adult Children of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families (ACA and ACoA) program is to become your own l...
09/02/2025

The Solution in the Adult Children of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families (ACA and ACoA) program is to become your own loving parent. The Loving Parent Guidebook explores, in practical terms, how to build this healing resource into your life. The book provides guidance on creating the conditions to reclaim your inner child and reparent yourself with gentleness, humor, love, and respect. You can apply everything you learn in this guidebook to parenting, interacting with children, and interacting with adults. When you become a friend to yourself, you're naturally a friend to others.

Grab your copy today here: https://shop.adultchildren.org/en-ca/products/loving-parent-guidebook

08/31/2025

Grandchildren of Alcoholics

“More and more people are identifying as grandchildren of alcoholics. Technically, these ‘GCoAs’ are ACAs. They were raised by parents who passed on the disease of family dysfunction without having alcohol in the home.”
BRB p. 56, footnote

Some of us have wandered through life wondering why we had so many problems. Our childhoods were not filled with alcoholism or addiction. And yet, there was a dark cloud over our homes. We couldn’t talk openly; we couldn’t be ourselves. There was a lot of confusing behavior. We received punishments that didn’t make sense. We had to watch out for ourselves. Sometimes our parents were available, but often they were full of rage or confusion, or they seemed to mentally “check out.”

The first time we heard the Laundry List in a meeting, we related to many of the characteristics even though no one drank or used drugs at home. We felt the need to be there. We heard others share and realized that ACA embraces all of us, simply because we walked in the door.

Working Step One gave us an opportunity to draw a family tree. We soon saw the connection: alcoholism and addiction in past generations. The disease of family dysfunction was like a legacy. This helped us stop wondering if we belonged so we could focus on recovering.

On this day, even if I can’t pinpoint where there might have been addiction in my family, I know I belong in this program. I will use all the tools available to me to recover from my family’s not-so-unique dysfunction.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

08/30/2025

Tradition Eight

“Sponsorship and Twelfth Step work are free, but the special worker should be paid for his or her good work. All aspects of recovery in general are free.”
BRB p. 530

We give service from a space of love in ACA so that every adult child seeking recovery may find a safe place. Many of us are truly generous with our time and expertise. And we do not expect or accept any compensation for giving a ray of hope to our fellow ACAs. We know what it is like to feel hopeless, looking for a way out. With joy in our hearts and hope in our words, we extend ourselves while seeking nothing in return.

But some requests are too big to ask members to handle for free day-in and day-out. For those jobs, we hire special workers. They staff our service center and are responsible for sending literature, maintaining our meeting list, answering calls, and otherwise providing information about ACA to anyone who wants it. They help us spread the message.

Without them, most people would have difficulty even finding a meeting. If we didn’t have a Newcomer’s booklet and other printed information, each meeting would have to create their own materials. These are essential ways the ACA message reaches those who want it. It all fits together nicely – a combination of volunteers and special workers.

On this day I will share freely with the suffering adult child who is seeking to recover. I will also feel gratitude that ACA has special workers who serve the larger fellowship.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

Do the following situations sound familiar? We walk into a room full of strangers and instinctively find the most toxic ...
08/29/2025

Do the following situations sound familiar? We walk into a room full of strangers and instinctively find the most toxic people in the room to befriend. We leave home with "just enough" time so our adrenaline is pumping when we arrive at our destination. We over-commit ourselves so that we can't possibly do everything we promised, and then shame ourselves because we've failed yet again.

Many of us just naturally choose situations that create drama, people who are spinning out of control, and a life that balances on the edge of insanity. It almost feels like we're hard-wired to operate that way.

As we begin to understand the damaging effects of these inner drugs we keep taking, we learn to replace the toxic people and drama with mutually respectful relationships and healthy excitement for our recovery. We no longer need to recreate the familiar conditions of our childhood that keep us trapped in the chaos.

We gradually begin to appreciate the peace and quiet of serenity. It takes time, but we now realize we deserve better than the hand we were dealt as children.

On this day I choose healthy people to spend time with - people who also value serenity. I welcome the calm that is becoming my new normal.

08/29/2025

Therapeutic Ideals

“There are, as well, ways to describe the manifestation of two therapeutic ideals: no excess tension in the body and a neutral reaction to symbolic associations and mental representations of trauma.”
BRB p. 622

Many of us thought there was no way out, that the process would go on and on like some weird torture game. We had no goals because we thought we didn’t deserve them. Helping others achieve their goals felt good, but it was not something that we could do on our own. We didn’t want that responsibility. It was safer to just stay small, not have any dreams or needs.

We learn in ACA that living in our bodies is a vital part of recovery. We seek ways to relieve excess body tension, perhaps by using trigger point massage in combination with yoga. We discover that we are carrying a lot of trauma in our very muscles that needs a way to work itself out. We collect the experiences of others, both in and out of the program, and we learn through reading the right material.

We worked the Steps so that we would no longer be mentally triggered by the same things repeatedly. We now seek that same relief for our bodies.

On this day I will be conscious of my physical tension and where I carry it in my body. Acknowledging this connection to my trauma is a way of beginning my journey towards complete recovery.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

08/28/2025

Boundaries

“I am more aware of how I overstep my boundaries, and how I try to force things to work the way I want them to work.”
BRB p. 414

We were vulnerable as children in dysfunctional homes. We experienced no one who was able to set healthy boundaries and maintain them.

In ACA we learn to see the importance of boundaries by practicing the Steps and by identifying and working on our character defects. We learn to recognize boundaries that have been crossed, including when we do it to others. We feel free when we set new boundaries. Progress happens, one day at a time.

The ACA program also helps us recognize manipulative behaviors, which is usually a companion for those with boundary issues. If we’re the manipulator, we begin to see that our attempts to change others will eventually fail; in the meantime, they’ll only complicate things. As we grow stronger, understanding boundaries places everything in perspective.

To help us stay focused, we look to Step Ten, “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.” It allows us to inventory our thoughts and actions on a regular basis. This keeps our impulsive natures in check so we recognize boundaries in everyday life.

On this day, as my identity and values become more clear, I will work to become consistent in setting my own boundaries and honoring the boundaries other people set.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

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1901 E 29th Street
Signal Hill, CA
90755

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