ACA WSO

ACA WSO Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)/Dysfunctional Families is a Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition program of people who grew up in dysfunctional homes.

This page is intended to provide ACA info only. Cross talk or inappropriate language is not permitted. Find an ACA meeting online or in your area. https://adultchildren.org/meeting-group/

Self Love
10/16/2025

Self Love

10/15/2025

Promise Ten
“Fears of failure and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.” BRB p. 591

While most folks believe they want to be successful, we know that many ACAs fear success. This is a fear born from years of regular servings of failure with side orders of abandonment, shame and humiliation. To be successful means that the spotlight can be turned on us, which recalls painful memories of never being good enough.

As we learn to connect with our inner loving parent, our Inner Child, and our Higher Power, our intuitive sense is sharpened. No longer dependent on old tapes or the critical voice inside of our heads, we are free to use this intuitive sense to make healthy decisions. At the same time, we are clear that we are on a spiritual path and that every situation is a spiritual lesson. There is no way to fail on this path.

Failure is the domain of our inner critic’s all-or-nothing thinking. As we learn to see this for what it is, we filter everything around us through our inner loving parent. We become attuned to our Inner Child’s quiet and steady voice as it tells us the better course for our spiritual, physical, and emotional development. We release our fears.

On this day I will listen for guidance from my purest Inner Child’s perspective and trust that my fears will lose their grip on me. I am open to being guided to higher levels of spiritual, emotional, and physical consciousness.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

10/14/2025

Service

“Red flags that warn that a bottom or relapse is coming involve: dropping out of meetings and isolating; being argumentative or unreasonable; gossiping; losing focus and returning to one of the family roles of hero, lost child, or mascot; general noncommitment to recovery; avoiding the Steps and intellectualizing; failing to give service to ACA; binging on s*x, drugs, food, or other compulsive behaviors; and acting with perfectionism and failing to talk about feelings and critical inner messages.” BRB p. 70

ACA deals with deep attitudes and behaviors that sometimes are difficult to stay conscious of. Sure, the blaring ones are easy to recognize and to admit into our consciousness. But others lie beneath multiple layers of self-deception or socially-celebrated attributes.

When we miss meetings on a consistent basis, it may seem like a way of avoiding unwanted pain and disappointment. But it also provides the opportunity for our critical parent to distract us from our healing journey. This false self is masterful at finding ways to avoid doing the work that gives us a lifeline of hope.

In ACA, one way that keeps us coming back is to give service from a space of love. This is a sure-fire way of keeping ourselves tuned into our True Selves and our inner loving parent, which leads to taking care of our Inner Child. By having consistent check-ins with ourselves, we can stay focused on what is right with our program and how to best help fellow ACAs begin their recovery process.

On this day I will give service to my ACA group as a way of staying conscious and focused on my recovery process.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

10/13/2025

Check out our latest public PSA and share with anyone who you think could benefit from ACA.

Who we are: ACA is a 12 Step program that focuses on emotional sobriety.

We were all profoundly affected by the dysfunction in our families of origin, whether alcohol was present in the home or not. Consequently, we developed a set of “laundry list” traits that helped us survive that experience. These traits may have been adaptive at the time, but have now come to substantially disrupt our lives.

We recover by “working our program.” This means attending ACA meetings and working the Twelve Steps. The Steps are not meant to be worked in isolation, which is why we work with more experienced members, a twelve step group, and/or our fellow travelers (others in ACA).

10/13/2025

Breaking the Ties

“As children we are tied to our families by our physical needs.” BRB p. 88

Many of us lived our childhood thinking what happened to us was our fault. But we existed at the whim of others. We were able to eat, but the price was being shamed by an angry parent or ignored by one who was self-involved. Some of us felt we were only given a place to sleep if we didn’t talk about the s*xual abuse going on in our house. We blamed ourselves because we had no other way of understanding the situation.

Today, as we see our childhood for what it was, we learn to replace the abuse by cultivating an inner loving parent. This parent protects our Inner Child and allows us to sit with things until they sort themselves out. We don’t jump to conclusions or overreach for an outcome that we can’t see. If we don’t know what to do, we call someone and get help to turn it over. We allow our feelings to flow freely. It is cathartic.

No longer are we tied to our families in an unhealthy way. We focus on ourselves and begin to accept a Higher Power of our understanding. We don’t rush to judgment when there is no clarity. We are a part of an awesome universe and we know we can’t see all sides of it at once. We accept that we are where we need to be for today.

On this day my inner loving parent creates boundaries that make my Inner Child feel safe and whole, regardless of what’s going on around me.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

Let's have a discussionWhat was it like not feeling safe asking for help when you were growing up? How did you cope?How ...
10/12/2025

Let's have a discussion
What was it like not feeling safe asking for help when you were growing up? How did you cope?
How does it feel to you today to ask others for help?

10/11/2025

Addiction to Excitement

“Gossip, dramatic scenes, pending financial failure, or failing health are often the turmoil that adult children create in their lives to feel connected to reality. While such behavior is rarely stated as such, these behaviors are an ‘addiction’ to excitement or fear.”
BRB p. 16

Many of us came into ACA perhaps unaware of the depth of chaos we had created around us. We felt we were in a fog we couldn’t see our way out of. We didn’t consciously cause this chaos. Our behavior resulted from the emotional and perhaps physical chaos we experienced in our childhood dysfunctional, abusive homes.

As we learned more about our addiction to excitement that drove us, we began to see how our fear was feeding us. And we realized that we needed this inner drug store to be closed for business. The adrenaline rush that we were not even aware of was blocking any progress. We knew the chaos had to stop.

As we find the answers in our meetings and by talking to others, we begin to nourish ourselves with a healthy program that brings us peace and serenity. We become committed to change because we’ve had the pain and anguish and we want to be done with it. We now have the inner radar to see what is coming, and when something feels wrong, we pause as long as we need to. Then we move away. We realize the health of our Inner Child is at stake!

On this day I will give my Inner Child and my adult the gift of freedom from fear and unhealthy excitement that we both need and deserve.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

10/10/2025

Hypervigilance

“In adult children PTSD tends to manifest itself in hypervigilance, compulsive behavior, and hard-to-detect body sensations. It is as if our bodies have ‘rewired’ themselves to protect us from severe harm or severe harm that almost occurred.”
BRB p. 178

Soldiers learn immediately what hypervigilance means: Watch out! The enemy is close!

In our family of origin, we experienced hypervigilance on a regular basis. If we didn’t watch out, we or someone close might get hurt. In the middle of these experiences, we vowed we’d never do that to our own families.

But alas! The lessons were too well taught. Something seems to snap, and it’s as if we go into a trance, screaming, belittling, or calling our loved ones names. We scold, threaten, slam doors, and drive away in a cloud of dust. We push away those we love most. We’ve become the multi-generational living triggers that cause hypervigilance in our loved ones.

When we realize we’ve become the perpetrators, we look for help in the rooms of ACA. It’s in the Steps that we identify the root of our hypervigilance. We look at our triggers to try to determine how and where they originated. Triggers derived from our hypervigilance are what make us inexplicably react, freeze, hold our breath, or shake in our shoes. As we learn more, we usually find fear and guilt at our core, and those feelings are often frozen. We bring them to life so we can heal.

On this day I will slow down and breathe deeply if I find myself feeling triggered by my hypervigilant reactions. I can nurture myself through this.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

We have homes with automatic temperature controls. The heat doesn't engage until the thermostat senses there's not enoug...
10/09/2025

We have homes with automatic temperature controls. The heat doesn't engage until the thermostat senses there's not enough warm air, and the air conditioning does the reverse.

This process of modulation (regulating according to measure or proportion) was not present in our families of origin. Nearly every life situation either received a maximal response or was virtually ignored (denial). A parent could rage over a traffic jam, but never discuss a tragic family death.

This lack of modulation or moderation in response to life's events sent most of us into our adult lives without effective role models or acceptable ways to handle our emotions. We had two settings, MAX ON and MAX OFF, and we didn't understand why. We blew up with anger and had no clue why we were unable to grieve serious life events. We now know we were programmed to be that way.

In ACA, with the Steps and the help of a fellow traveler, we see that we're not alone. We gain serenity and can thoughtfully assess a life event, and then decide on a reasonable course of action, if action is required. We learn to do our part and then "Let Go and Let God." As we go through this process, we gain serenity.

On this day I can choose a modulated response to a situation. I choose NOT to use the reactionary or denial behaviors I learned as a child.

Perfectionism
10/09/2025

Perfectionism

10/08/2025

Uncovering the Truth

“We are looking for the truth so that we can live our own lives with choice and self-confidence. We want to break the cycle of family dysfunction.” BRB p. 27

Most of us grew up telling lies so the outside world would think that things were okay at home. We hid the truth because of the shame we felt, and because we understood the family rules, whether they were unwritten or not.

As we became adults, we often found it easy to continue lying about ourselves. Maybe we embellished to make ourselves look better because we weren’t even sure what the truth was anymore. Or maybe we did so because we “knew” that people wouldn’t accept us for who we really were. But the more lies we told, the harder it became to keep track, which made us terrified of slipping up.

In recovery, we begin to uncover the truth of who we are and where we come from, seeing the necessity of breaking our dysfunctional cycle. We learn to be honest about ourselves in our meetings where we learn we’re not alone. We begin to see that others respect our honesty in a way that is constructive and hopeful. By choosing to be genuine, we find that this is actually the easier, softer way many of us have always looked for.

On this day I will honor myself by recognizing when I am tempted by an old habit. I will do what’s right for my True Self.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

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1901 E 29th Street
Signal Hill, CA
90755

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Wednesday 8am - 4pm
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