09/04/2025
A narcissist's mindset:
That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, it’s not a big deal. And if it is, it’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you made me do it.
This is the exact script they follow to escape accountability. First comes denial, where they flat out reject your reality, making you question what you saw or felt. Then comes minimization, where they downplay your pain and make it seem like you’re overreacting. If that doesn’t work, they shift the blame, insisting that whatever happened is someone else’s responsibility—never theirs. After that, they play the “I didn’t mean it” card, trying to soften the impact and paint themselves as harmless. But if pressed further, they’ll flip the entire situation on you, insisting that you pushed them into it, that somehow you’re the cause of their hurtful actions.
This cycle of excuses, denial, and gaslighting keeps you trapped, because every step is designed to invalidate your feelings and make you doubt your own truth. With a narcissist, there is no genuine accountability, no true apology, and no lasting change. There’s only endless manipulation designed to protect their ego at the cost of your peace.
The harsh reality is: you can never win an argument with someone who has already decided that facts don’t matter, and that your pain is never real unless it benefits them.
