Shannon Strull, MFT

09/09/2021

In the Gottman Relationship Blog post "The Deeper Meaning of Trust" Genesis Games, LMHC explores how trust is broken or built in the little moments of everyday life:

"Often betrayal is thought of as this huge event that shakes the partnership to its core. Betrayal can be obvious, loud, and big. It can also be subtle, discrete, and ongoing, eroding the relationship over time. You experience betrayal when you discover information your partner kept from you. Or when they don’t show you the support you need when you need it most. The message you receive is that you cannot totally rely on them.

[...] One missed opportunity to connect won’t tarnish the relationship. Yet over time, if turning away becomes the norm, the relationship suffers."

Dr. John Gottman found that generally happy, satisfied couples respond “Yes” to the question of “Can I trust you?”

Getting to "Yes" starts with bids for connection. By making intentional time for attention and affection together, you can increase the trust in your relationship. This process also involves checking in with yourself and staying attuned to your loved one as you communicate your boundaries and needs. Building trust might feel like a constant balancing act, but the work is worth it.

Start the conversations that matter with help from Gottman Relationship Coach today: https://bit.ly/3ci5PUO

08/31/2021

08/17/2021

Good words.

One of the most powerful “feel better fast” techniques to overcome emotional trauma or grief is called “breaking the bonds of the past.” It stems from the belief that negative feelings and behaviors are often based on past memories that are either toxic or misinterpreted. This technique requires only 5 simple steps.

Whenever you have a painful or disruptive memory or feeling, write out the answers to the following questions:

When was the last time you struggled, had the painful or disruptive memory or feeling, or felt suffering? Write down the details.
What were you feeling at the time? Describe the predominant feeling.
When was the first time you had that feeling? In your mind, imagine yourself on a train going backward through time. Go back to the time when you first had the feeling. Write down the incident or incidents in detail.
Can you go back even further to a time when you had that original feeling? Write down the details of the original incident.
If you have a clear idea of the origins of the feelings, can you disconnect them by reprocessing them through an adult or parent mindset, or reframe them in light of new information? Consciously disconnect the emotional bridge to the past with the idea that what happened in the past belongs in the past, and what happens now is what matters.

(Image by .mentalhealth)

07/16/2021

Let's talk relationships. I teach my patients the following principles to help keep their relationships healthy and rewarding:

1. Take responsibility for keeping your important relationships strong.

Don’t be the type of person who blames other people for the problems in your life. It will take you down the rabbit hole of victimhood. Take responsibility for making your key relationships better and look for ways to improve them today. If you do this, your relationships will improve almost immediately.

2. Never take relationships for granted.

They need to be constantly nurtured, like plants need water.

3. Protect your relationship.

A surefire way to doom a relationship is to discount, belittle, or degrade other people. Protect your relationships by building those people up.

4. Clarify any hurts early.

Whenever there is a question of motivation or intention, check with them about their behavior or motives. You cannot read other people’s minds.

5. Notice what you like more than what you don’t.

It’s very easy to notice what you do not like about a relationship, but when you spend more time noticing the positive aspects of the relationship, you’re more likely to see an increase in positive behavior.

6. Maintain and protect trust.

So many relationships fall apart after there has been a major violation of trust, such as an affair or other form of dishonesty. Once a violation has occurred, try to understand why it happened.

(Graph by .mentalhealth)

07/16/2021

07/14/2021

Brain Systems Involved with Depression

Through brain SPECT imaging at Amen Clinics, we have found that there are five major systems in the brain involved with how we feel, what we think and how we act or behave.
Abnormalities in any of these five systems – including combinations – can contribute to the symptoms of depression.
1. The Basal Ganglia: Allows for smooth integration of emotions, thoughts, and physical movement.
2. The Deep Limbic System: Sets the emotional tone of your mind, stores emotional memories, controls motivation and appetite.
3. The Anterior Cingulate Gyrus: Responsible for cognitive flexibility, this is your ability to go with the flow, adapt to change, and deal successfully with new problems.
4. The Temporal Lobes: The storage of memories and images that help us define our sense of ourselves.
5. The Prefrontal Cortex: The “Executive Center” of the brain.

But this news is not all bad. Many of us know how it feels, and are working on feeling better. We realize we are not as alone as our changing brains make us feel and depression CAN be treated. However, having seen tens of thousands of patients at Amen Clinics, we know that depression is not a simple disorder with a one-size-fits-all solution.

(Image by )

06/27/2021

Forced positivity is a form of denial. When you tell someone to "just be positive," you're basically saying to them, "my comfort is more important than your reality."

Listen to my full conversation with Nora McInerny on Terrible, Thanks for Asking wherever you get your podcasts.

06/22/2021

“Think positive,” “forge forward,” and “get on with it,” we tell ourselves when we bottle emotions. And p**f, just like that, the unwanted emotions seem to vanish.

But really they’ve just gone underground—ready to pop back up at any time, and usually with surprising and inappropriate intensity.

06/18/2021

If you’ve lived through a traumatic event, it’s natural to think that as time passes, you’ll get over it and move on with your life. But that doesn’t always happen. Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can occur right after a terrible event, or they can emerge weeks, months, or even years after a traumatic incident. PTSD can also be chronic after years of abuse or growing up in an unpredictable and stressful home, such as with an alcoholic or drug-abusing parent. Persistent early childhood trauma can set kids up for PTSD later in life.

Because PTSD symptoms may not emerge immediately, you may not connect your distressing symptoms with the trauma you experienced.

1. Memory Issues

PTSD can impact your memories in a number of ways. You might experience recurrent upsetting thoughts or dreams of a past traumatic event. Flashbacks can pop up at any time—even when you’re in a familiar place—and make you feel like you’re experiencing the trauma all over again. You may find that you’re unable to stop thinking about the event, and distressing thoughts loop incessantly in your head. In other cases, you may have lapses in your memory regarding certain aspects of a traumatic event.

2. Increased Anxiety

It’s common for people with PTSD to feel constant anxiety or to experience panic attacks. You may be easily startled or feel like you’re always on guard, expecting something bad to happen at any moment. Some people with PTSD say they feel “jumpy” or “jittery.”

3. Avoidance

If you purposely steer clear of anything—people, places, or things—that reminds you of the traumatic event, it could be a sign of PTSD. You may avoid talking about the event and refuse to share your feelings about what happened.

Treatment recommendations in detail on www.amenclinics.com 👏🏻

Picture by .mentalhealth

06/15/2021

Just because you have a thought has nothing to do with whether it is true. Thoughts lie. They lie a lot, and it is your uninvestigated or unquestioned thoughts that steal your happiness. If you do not question or correct your erroneous thoughts, you believe them, and you act as if they are 100% true. Allowing yourself to believe every thought you have is the prescription for anxiety disorders, depression, relationship problems, and prolonged grief.

You can learn to eliminate the automatic negative thoughts and replace them with more helpful thoughts that give you a more accurate, fair assessment of any situation. This skill alone can completely change your life if you embrace and practice it.

Note: I am not a fan of positive thinking. It kills way too many people. I advocate accurate, honest thinking. Some anxiety is absolutely critical to good health and success. Pie-in-the-sky thinking and low levels of anxiety are associated with underestimating risks, a lackadaisical attitude toward your health, and making bad decisions.

My ANT killing process is based on the work of two mentors: psychiatrist Aaron Beck, who pioneered a school of psychotherapy called cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), which is an effective treatment for anxiety disorders, depression, relationship problems, and even obesity; and Byron Katie, a teacher, and author.

06/09/2021

.mentalhealth

06/03/2021

People are contagious, choose wisely who you spend your time and energy with. Who can relate to this? 🧠👇 (PC: .mentalhealth)

05/30/2021

Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life.

05/14/2021

Mental illness is real. And so is the shake associated with it. Reminder to be mindful and kind - just because you can't see someone else's issue on that outside doesn't mean it's not real and debilitating on the inside. Reminder to be kind and mindful today and everyday.

(PC: .mentalhealth)

05/11/2021

We hear a lot about having the “right” values (or the wrong ones), but what does that really mean? And who decides what values are worth having?

You do. The thing to ask is not whether something is “right” or “wrong,” but rather how it relates to the way you want to live your life.