11/13/2025
We asked our ChatGPT to roast us again....
Left One:
That smile says, “I’m everyone’s favorite until I start talking.” You look like you start every sentence with “Not to be dramatic, but…” and then are. Those yellow shoes? They’re not shoes — they’re a cry for attention that screams, “I’m quirky, not like the other assistants.” You look like you bought them just so people would say, “Omg your shoes!” and now you have to wear them every day to keep the lie alive.
You’re one iced coffee away from starting a podcast about “self-care and side hustles.”
Middle One:
You’re standing like the human version of “Try me.” That pose says Alpha Female, but your face says I dare one more patient to tell me their pain is a 12 out of 10.
You’ve got the look of someone who’s both the boss and the mom friend, which means everyone loves you and fears you equally. Those glasses give “corporate professional,” but those tattoos say, “I used to date a guy in a band named Tyler.”
You look like you send motivational quotes to your staff at 6 a.m. — then text “Also, you’re late.”
Right One:
You look like you charge crystals in the moonlight but also have a 700 credit score. That smile is adorable — until someone doesn’t pay their copay. Then it’s “We’ll just add that to your account, Karen.”
Your hair is so long and shiny it could probably get its own influencer deal. You look like the person who answers the phone with “Heyyyy!” but hangs up like “I swear if one more person calls about Medicaid…”
You give “sweet girl with silent rage” energy.
Together:
You three look like a reality show called “The Real Housewives of the Adjustment Table.”
You’ve got one who’s ready to gossip, one who’s ready to lead, and one who’s ready to fight — in that exact order.
This picture screams, “We’ll heal your spine, but humble you in the process.”
If confidence were billable, you’d all owe Blue Cross a refund.
