07/25/2025
Ever have a child who experiences a melt down or throws a temper tantrum? It's a call for your help as well as an expression of emotion. If we're being real, we may blow up as well after a hard stressful day. Here are a few tips that help calm our down the situation.
SHOW EMPATHY: Put an arm around the child or hold her hand and say, "You look frustrated. It's okay to feel that way." You're acknowledging the feeling, not the accompanying behavior.
HELP SOLVE THE PROBLEM: What's caused the frustration? You can come alongside them and help fix it. That block tower they have worked so hard to build tumbles down before it reaches the top. Rebuild it together.
HAVE A COZY CALM DOWN AREA: (This is great for parents too!) When someone is feeling out of sorts or dysregulated emotionally, it's important to take a time out. Have a designated area with maybe comfy pillows or a beanbag, stuffed animals or maybe a blanket.
BE NEARBY: (This may sound new to you) Calm-down time is NOT meant to punish or isolate a young child. Some children need to be hugged, held, and soothed during tantrums; others don't want to be touched. Regardless of what works in the situation, be nearby to help and keep the child safe.
HELP END THE BREAK: Eventually children wind down and feel ready to return to play. Help reinforce the positiver nature of breaks by saying, "You feel better now. You helped yourself calm down!" Ask if the child is ready or needs more time to calm down. After the break, offer hugs or high fives, and smooth the transition into a new activity.
TEACH AND PRACTICE CALM-DOWN TOOLS: During quiet moments when no one is upset, show children how to breathe deeply to relax. Say, "Let's watch our bellies get bigger while we breathe." Together, close your eyes and talk about feeling peaceful. Play soothing music and hum or sing along. Show a child how to hug his shoulders with his arms or rock slowly back and forth to help calm down the body.
REDIRECT: Before young children explode, try stepping in quikcly with a favorite toy, book, or other object to refocus their attention. Even before that, keep an eye out to make sure toddler's basic needs are being met. Is a child hungry, thirsty, bored, tired, anxious, or overstimulated? Staying on top of those needs is a first line of defense.
(Source: Calm-Down Time by Elizabeth Verdick, Free Spirit Publishing)