Homestead Homebirth

04/08/2026

04/05/2026

"My husband says me breastfeeding is what ruined our marriage and why we're getting a divorce. That I cared too much for our child and made my husband feel second. I guess it is, I didn't know breastfeeding could do that. I didn't mean to ruin our marriage by breastfeeding."

The client that told me this in our zoom call was calm as she said it. She was matter of fact, resigned, accepting.

By the end of our call, I circled back around to the notion that she ruined her marriage by breastfeeding their child.

"No, you did not ruin your marriage by breastfeeding. Prioritizing the needs of your child that depends on you rather than the wants and desires of the adult you share life with is not what ended your marriage. Your husband acting like a child that was in competition with your actual child is at least half of what ended the relationship."

At least half was being very generous toward him, which he did not deserve.

She started to cry. In the hour we had met she described being pressured for seggs just weeks after giving birth, guilted for sitting and nursing instead of making the grown man food, and shamed for nursing and "ruining" her chest to feed their baby instead of keeping her body as her husband's plaything.

Caring for her baby isn't what ruined her marriage. Her husband (soon to be ex) is what ruined her marriage.

Men who complain to their partners in order to pressure them into stopping caring for their child so that she will prioritize pleasuring them are selfish and immature.

No wonder so many women are fed up.

Thankfully there are men out there that understand being a loving grownup but I don't blame the women that don't want to take the risk of the kind of experience my client had. The male loneliness epidemic is just what some men call the natural consequences of exploiting women and being selfish in relationships so they can avoid accountability and acknowledging that the issue isn't women not wanting to be with them but them being the kind of people nobody would want to be with.

I don't know who needs to hear this but being pressured to perform for a partner isn't love, being manipulated into stepping back from parenting responsibilities to please your partner isn't connection, and feeling alone in parenting when you are partnered while being expected to act as though it has no physical/emotional/mental toll on you is not reasonable partnership.

Sure, sometimes a parent emotionally abandons their partner and becomes overly consumed with caring for their child. Pressure, guilt trips, manipulation, and demands are not the answer. Therapy, coaching, support, and sharing the load are. Often emotional unavailability and overly concerned with childcare is a sign of anxiety and connection and support that is caring and empathetic is more effective in balance being found.

Nobody deserves to be guilt-tripped for feeding and caring for their child.

03/30/2026

Forced vaginal exam = battery and assault and negligence

There was a significant decision made in the Supreme Court of Victoria last week.

A woman had been forced to have a vaginal exam when presenting at hospital. The hospital midwife had withheld access to her continuity of care midwife, birth suite and pain relief until she complied.

The court found that consent cannot be obtained under coercion and found Bendigo Health liable for battery and assault and negligence. A likely precedent in this space. The health service was ordered to pay $275K + costs.

Far too often, strong-arm tactics are used to get women to comply to vaginal exams, including refusing admission to birth suite, to water immersion, or to pain relief. Many women, advocates, lawyers and staff have been saying for a long time that this is not okay; no does in fact mean no, and a yes under coercion /= consent. The court agrees.

Let's address the unfounded rhetoric we have already heard from factions of the maternity space
- women just need to be more educated in the antenatal space. [errrh, no. Yuck. Victim blamey. Just don't digitally pe*****te someone without cosent?!]
- drs need to be more involved in conversations in the antenatal period [errr, for what purpose? No means no, whether it is to a midwife or dr. Women don't need any additional pressure applied to them before they even get to hospital].

I think all staff and services should be on notice. If thousands of women's stories to multiple maternity inquiries across the country hasn't shifted the dial, perhaps it will be the litigation payouts that will.

Thank you to the brave woman that persued this. It was just as much about her own justice as it was for every other woman that has been subjected to forced procedures during maternity "care".

03/26/2026

For the first time in modern U.S. history, more baby boys are being left intact than circumcised.

Parents are asking questions.
They’re learning about normal anatomy.
They’re making informed decisions.

Some important facts:

• 70–80% of males worldwide are intact. Routine newborn circumcision is uncommon in most of Europe, South America, and Asia.

• The fo****in is not “extra skin.” It is specialized tissue that protects the g***s, contains immune cells, provides natural lubrication, and includes thousands of sensory nerve endings.

• Circumcision carries known risks and complications, including bleeding, infection, excessive skin removal, and meatal stenosis.

• The fo****in is normally fused to the g***s at birth and may not retract until later childhood or even puberty.

• Care for an intact baby is simple: leave it alone and wash the outside like a finger. Forced retraction can cause injury.

More families today are recognizing something simple:

Healthy bodies don’t need to be altered to be normal.

Every child deserves accurate information, bodily autonomy, and informed consent.

Intact is normal.
Intact is healthy.
Intact is whole.

03/25/2026

👩‍⚕️ Is it better to see the same midwife or a small team of midwives throughout pregnancy and labour?

Evidence from 17 studies involving 18,533 randomized women was included in this updated systematic review.

Women or their babies who received midwife continuity of care models (seeing the same midwife or team of midwives) were:

⚕️ Less likely to experience a caesarean section or instrumental birth with forceps or a ventouse suction cup.

⚕️May be less likely to experience an episiotomy (a cut made by a healthcare professional into the perineum and vaginal wall).

⚕️More likely to experience spontaneous vaginal birth.

⚕️Reported more positive experiences during pregnancy, labour, and postpartum.

⚕️Additionally, there were cost savings in the antenatal (care during pregnancy) and intrapartum (care during labour and birth) period.

Further evidence may change our results, and future research should focus on the impact on women with social risk factors and those with medical complications, and understanding the implementation and scaling up of midwife continuity of care models, with emphasis on low‐ and middle‐income countries.

Read the full Cochrane review: https://www.cochranelibrary.com/cdsr/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD004667.pub6/full

03/25/2026