11/07/2025
Parenting Stress & The Power of Letting Go
A 2023 APA survey found that parents are far more likely than non-parents to feel so stressed they feel numb or unable to focus or function.
Using a one-way mirror in their research lab, Psychologists Dr. Camilo Ortiz and Dr. Julia Martin Burch watched parents interacting with their children. On many occasions, they counted 100 commands in 30 minutes. It is humbling to realize how much we tell our kids to do and how often they ignore us. But with each instance of noncompliance, more parental work is required. Parents repeat the command, apply a reward or consequence, beg, threaten, yell, and melt down.
The solution is to vastly reduce parental commands. But if parents don’t command, who will teach their children? Ortiz and Burch say let the physical world teach them.
Drs. Camilo Ortiz and Matthew Fastman developed Independence Therapy—a research-backed approach where kids practice doing developmentally challenging tasks on their own while parents learn to loosen control. The definition of an Independence Activities (IAs) is an unstructured, developmentally challenging task that is performed without the help of an adult. IAs usually involve adventure and mild risk of discomfort or danger and fall into 4 categories: indoor, outdoor, with other children, and involving mild risk of injury. These Independence Activities might include things like taking the bus alone, cooking a meal, or camping in the backyard.
Drs. Ortiz and Julia Martin Burch summarize it best:
“Intentionally doing less and letting go is the single most powerful change parents can make.”
Their three key takeaways:
4. Less is more – Reduce commands; let the world teach.
5. Let them go – Schedule daily IAs for four weeks.
6. Use “When/Then” – “When you clean up the Legos, then we can have dessert.”
Kids grow stronger when we let them struggle a little—and parents grow calmer when they stop trying to do it all.
If these ideas resonate but you’re not sure where to start, we can help. Email bh@senderspediatrics.com to learn more about helping your child grow in confidence and resilience.
For more on this fascinating topic: https://www.senderspediatrics.com/Newsletter/November-2025