01/27/2022
Trigger Warning... be careful viewing. Now as I post its not for attention. It's not for people to feel sorry. It's not to degrade someone who isn't here anymore as I forgive in my heart for peace.
It is for a woman out there who has been or even going through this. To get out now. I almost died. I suffer Cptsd from this. I live my memories everyday. My choice?... no its my brain. But I know someone is experiencing this. Manipulation, control and gas lighting. This was to me not including broken phones, laptops, makeup/clothes destroyed and more.
I was in 9 years. But taking jiu-jitsu because... well I still didn't get that satisfaction and still feel weak inside. I'm not weak and doing this for me. This butterfly is for su***de awareness, sexual assault and also domestic violence. With child abuse.
Some don't know a lot do I have made it through a lot more than the eye sees because I am still pushing through even with a smile on my face. None see me having panic attacks from triggers and re-living a memory I can't control. That being said. Noone deserves what they are going through. Not even me.
I know this is long and I wanna be open because I want to inspire someone. I want someone to look up to me as a role model one day. Even my kids.
The one I was choked out and passed out upside down on my bed and woke up on the floor with apologies. Never gonna do it again.
When I could of died if it was for any longer.
When I say I have been abused my whole life. I have but... it stops now. I never want another hand on me unless I am training for it. I want this soo bad. I am willing to do everything with every chance that I can to learn. I am very blessed to have this opportunity.
I know I have it in me. I seriously don't want anyone to feel sorry. I want people to know because I went through this. And I made it out. I cherish everything around me and very grateful to live life. 🙏
