10/16/2024
The other night I awoke to Ricke crying and I immediately went to him, picked him up in my arms and held him. He stopped crying, looked up at me and stated "Momma you found me!" An I replied "Of course, I did baby, I will always find you." And I let him fall back asleep on my chest where he felt safe and comfortable.
In that moment, even now, I am so grateful I went to him even at 2.5y.o ill answer to his needs and cries, even in the night. He had the words to utilize his emotions and when he said through his sobbing cries and as he wiped away his tears "Momma! You found me!" I knew he was scared, probably from a dream being lost and couldn't find me. An I am *so grateful* I was there to make him feel safe again.
I know it's hard to be a Momma and a Dadda. The cries are constant and often we think their cries are "tantrums for what they want" and "crying for attention" but it's just simply not true. They cannot speak to you, that's why they cry. From NB-3y.o crying is their form of communication for your infant & emerging child. You cannot change that process. Its the same for every NB and every toddler. Crying is their first form of communication of their needs. Its up to the parents to give them the vocabulary to communicate.
We have given Ricke the vocabulary he needs to communicate. We associate emotions with words and we repeat them to him. We apply them everywhere. We have played games of "you've found me" and we have helped him communicate his emotions but he's always crying first because he is still learning that there are words for him to use instead of crying.
So next time you hear your baby cry or your toddler cry, think of it as their way of communication first and make it a teaching moment of "I see you crying, you must be very upset about x,y and z, how can i help you?" Eventually, theyll understand. And try to help them in what they NEED. You will grow a very strong and independent child because as they age they will know how to self regulate and communicate with others because their needs were met as an infant when they cried. Yes, it has an ever lasting affect on your child when you answer their needs or if you have neglected them by letting them cry it out. It will also create narcissistic tendencies because their needs have not been met and they've been neglected. This is based off of research.
Yes, the first 3 years of a person's life is so vital, especially being with their Mothers and Fathers strong presence and education in emotions, communication and morals they learn this all at a very young age. If you neglect them you'll raise a child who will be emotionally unavailable and unaware of others needs because theirs were short handed. It re-wires their brain when their mother and father neglect their cries and needs.
So next time someone tells you that your child is fine when they cry don't listen to them and go see what your infant and/or toddler is trying to communicate with you, even at 2am.
