Insight Counseling & Consulting

03/14/2023

When we make a request, we ask someone else to do, or not to do, something in order to meet our needs. When we set a boundary, we are making clear what our actions will be. An ultimatum is specifically designed to control somebody else.

On the Gottman Relationship Blog, Hailey Paige Magee breaks down the differences between requests, boundaries, and ultimatums. http://bit.ly/3l5HVnR

02/21/2023

Mindfulness is all about bringing a curious awareness to whatever is happening right now and an attitude of openness and really being interested is key. We can directly compare doing something to make stress or anxiety go away such as distracting ourselves, to simply being curiously aware of what is happening right now, even if we’re anxious. The anxiety doesn’t necessarily feel good, but if we can tap into our own capacity to be curiously aware, it in itself doesn’t feel as bad as anxiety – when curiosity is strong, it feels pretty good!

Find more mindfulness exercises like this one in the Unwinding Anxiety app-based program. https://smart.link/zt58jonc46x6f

05/26/2022

Parents and caregivers need ways to explain current events that are developmentally appropriate for kids but honest enough to maintain their trust.

Being proactive about these difficult conversations will prevent kids from seeking out information elsewhere. Remember to check in with your child about their feelings and model healthy emotional expression.

Read more about helping kids work with difficult emotions in this blog from child and adolescent mental health therapist Lauren Stockly, LCSW (Bumble BLS): https://bit.ly/2YSjHC9

05/21/2022

When you're in high conflict, the best thing you can do is break the cycle before things get overwhelming.

On the Gottman Relationship Blog, Brittini Carter, LMHC ( Carter Therapy, LLC ) offers tips for self-soothing during high conflict: https://fal.cn/3oHFk

05/20/2022

When you're single, it can get disheartening when dates feel dull or lackluster, but it is worth it. Stacy Hubbard, LMFT and Certified Gottman Therapist offers insights on how to keep up hope while dating, and shares her lessons learned in eight years of looking for the right partner. Read more: https://bit.ly/3G8hVhQ

05/04/2022

If you can prevent your emotions from taking over in the face of stress, you can avoid a lot of regret and set a good example for others.

04/29/2022

A weekly check-in gives you and your partner a chance to express the things that may not feel fun in the moment, but can be transformative in the long term. This isn't date night—it's a dedicated time once a week to talk about things that have gone well, highlight issues that may have arisen, and solve problems early.

Get more details on the weekly check-in, as well as how to spend an additional 5 hours a week to strengthen your relationship, with this month's free Love Notes download. This weekend is your last chance! Sign up for Love Notes to get this download—and next month's free download too—in your inbox: https://fal.cn/3oayf

04/26/2022

Past trauma can make the dating world in the present challenging to navigate. However, you can find a loving relationship. Here’s how.

04/24/2022

"I recently learned that in an average lifetime a person walks about 65,000 miles. That's two and a half times around the world. I wonder where your steps will take you. I wonder how you'll use the rest of the miles you're given." - Fred Rogers 💚 🌎

[📷: Lynn Johnson]

04/20/2022

"Be curious, not judgmental." -Walt Whitman

Next time you feel the urge to correct your partner's behavior, try connecting with them first.

This means making an effort to understand our partner’s experiences, perspective, and reasoning before jumping in to correct them or “fix” what you think they’re doing wrong.

The Candidly spoke with Gottman Institute Research Director Dr. Don Cole about the importance of curiosity over correction. Read more: https://bit.ly/3zHjsbv

04/10/2022

It's easy to think that children were raised differently "back in the day." There have always been parents (and grandparents) have understood the power of secure attachments, even if they didn't have the language for it. What an amazing gift Fred Rogers grandfather gave to him, and ultimately to the world.

Fred Rogers once told the The New York Times about the inspiration for the closing monologue of his show, 'Mister Rogers' Neighborhood':

“I think it was when I was leaving one time to go home after our time together that my grandfather said to me: ‘You know, you made this day a really special day. Just by being yourself. There’s only one person in the world like you. And I happen to like you just the way you are.’” ❤️

04/06/2022

1. How To Know When To Dig Deep–and When To Quit Digging.  2. The Greatest Blocker Of Connection–and How To Remove It. 3. How To Handle Our Fear (Without Obsessively Controlling Our People And Our Environment). 4. Why We All Deserve A Standing Ovation For Navigating Relationships Over The Past ...

04/01/2022

For some, it's using a codeword like "avocado."
For others, it might be raising their hands.
It may be just saying, "I'm feeling overwhelmed and need a break."

All of these, as silly as they may sound, are a chance to stop stonewalling in its tracks. The antidote to stonewalling is to stop, drop, and soothe.

Before conflict even begins, agree on a neutral signal that will call a stop to the conversation. When that signal is invoked, drop the conversation for a few minutes to give everyone a chance to cool off. Then take that time to do something to soothe yourself before returning to the conversation.

What kind of a signal do you use with your partner when you need a break?

This post is not meant to address situations of abuse. Social media is not a substitute for individualized support.

03/31/2022

While stonewalling and the silent treatment can look very similar from the outside, they aren’t the same. The intent of stonewalling is protective—flooding leads to a shutdown that results in stonewalling. The silent treatment is an active choice to cause hurt.

Being on the receiving end of both, though, can be overwhelming. Read more about the difference from Certified Gottman Therapist Kari Rusnak Counseling on our blog: https://bit.ly/36mfs5P