https://beacons.ai/desiredliveswellness

Desired Lives Wellness, Spokane, WA (2025)

10/28/2025

Take me back. Who else is on board with solo time as self-care?

10/28/2025

Step 6 – Fear: The Mastermind

Original: I understand how these patterns have been ways of coping with my fears.

My Version: I see how fear is the root cause that created these coping mechanisms. I work to identify these specific fears.

Roast: Turns out fear is the not-so-glamorous mastermind behind the chaos. Congrats, you’re basically starring in your own crime documentary.

Healing & Growth isn’t about shaming yourself. It’s about getting real, getting curious, and taking mindful action. This is why we do it differently in the Healing & Growth Circle.

Which part of this step hit home for you? Share below.

10/27/2025

There’s something about this photo that feels like home.
It’s me, caught mid-laugh at a wedding — the kind of laugh that takes over your whole body before you even realize it.

My grandmother laughed like that. So do the women in my family. It’s joy that doesn’t ask permission, the kind that bubbles up from somewhere deep and says, “I’m still here.”

I want more of that. For me, and for every woman, learning to find her light again.

10/25/2025

Step 5 – Say It Out Loud

Original: I explore these patterns and describe them to another person, noticing the healing power of compassionate listening.

My Version: I become more aware of my behavior patterns on a deeper level by acknowledging and discussing them with a trusted person.

Roast: Yes, you have to actually say it out loud. And no, your cat doesn’t count as your ‘trusted person,’ no matter how good they are at listening.

Healing & Growth isn’t about shaming yourself. It’s about getting real, getting curious, and taking mindful action. This is why we do it differently in the Healing & Growth Circle.

Barbie Haven | Helping women untangle from the chaos of a loved one’s addiction.
Link in Bio.

09/09/2025

10 pics from Summer! Grateful for every decision that led to these moments.

09/08/2025

STEP 4 – Pattern Detective Mode

The Proactive Twelve Steps: “I examine my life with honesty, searching for patterns in how I have been relating to people and situations.”

My Version: “I get honest with myself to uncover patterns in my life, noticing the coping mechanisms that play out with the addict and in life.”

Roast: Also known as: ‘Pattern-spotting, but make it personal.’ Spoiler alert: yes, you’ve been reusing the same script with different actors.

Somewhere along my journey I learned the phrase "how you do anything is how you do everything". I found so much truth in this when it comes to my coping patterns.

How I coped with the addict in my life (manipulation, control, shutting down in conflict) was also how I showed up in other areas of my life. That was a hard pill to swallow.

I'm not proud of what I'm about to share, but one of my biggest underlying themes when I did the deep work related to this step was the realization that I had been lying MY WHOLE LIFE. It kept me safe, sure, but it also felt terrible to continuously abandon my values for the sake of dodging discomfort.

I don't do that anymore.

In reality, honesty is still very hard for me when perceived conflict is involved. But I know how to have honest conversations now instead of suffering in silence.

We all deserve that kind of peace.

By the way, these kinds of real and raw conversations about what goes on in the back of our minds are what make my women's mastermind community, The Healing & Growth Circle, so special.

We don't pretend to have it all together.
We don't sit in victimhood either.
We investigate our thoughts, redirect when needed, and grow on purpose.

09/05/2025

STEP 3 – Press Pause Before You Leap

The Proactive Twelve Steps: “Moment by moment, I take a mindful pause to deal with my life calmly and effectively.”

My Version: “Little by little, I mindfully pause to calmly and effectively resolve this disentanglement.”

Roast: This is the Step where you learn that ‘Pause’ isn’t just a Netflix button. It’s how you stop yourself from jumping into every fire like a volunteer firefighter without the gear.

Listen, don't be embarrassed by your very normal human response to the human experience. Just give yourself permission to learn a different way to exist in the world.

When I was deeply intertwined in the chaos of addiction in my family, I had impulses to jump into all kinds of conversations that were neither about me nor any of my business. Damn, that was exhausting.

The mindful pause is a better way. Trust me.

09/05/2025

For many years, I felt torn between two versions of myself.
The strong, protective one who carried the weight of everyone else’s chaos.
And the softer, playful one who longed for joy, lightness, and freedom.

When you’ve lived through the storm of a loved one’s addiction, it’s easy to forget that both can exist inside you. I thought I had to choose: be tough or be tender, be a caretaker or be a fighter.

But healing and choosing growth have taught me something different.

It’s not about choosing one over the other. It’s about reclaiming all of you.

That’s what these photos represent to me — feminine and masculine energy together. A tutu and sneakers. Strength and softness. Power and play.

▪You can love them and still choose yourself.
▪You can be fierce and tender, all in the same breath.
▪ You can reclaim the parts of you that got lost in the storm.

And when you do… you finally feel whole.

Tell me — what’s one part of yourself you’re ready to reclaim?

Photos: Irina Negrean Photography

09/03/2025

STEP 2 – Release the White-Knuckle Grip

The Proactive Twelve Steps: “I understand that I cannot force change through willpower. I need to disentangle my life patiently.”

My Version: “I understand the coping mechanisms I’ve developed can’t be changed by willpower alone. I must patiently work on disentangling myself from these behaviors.”

Roast: You can’t just ‘try harder’ and call it growth. This is less boot camp, more untangling the world’s most annoying necklace knot… slowly… without throwing it across the room.

You know what?

I'm more than 20 years into this recovery gig, and I STILL have times when my old coping patterns pop up and twist me into knots. My counselor once said to me, "Personal development isn't for sissies". He wasn't wrong.

Working through my old patterns and creating new ways to present myself in the world has been one of the most challenging things I've ever done. It's also brought me the most peace and joy.

Moral of the story. It's worth it.
You're worth it.

09/01/2025

What did you learn from your biggest regret?

08/29/2025

STEP 1 – Face Reality

The Proactive Twelve Steps: “I face reality. I am not able to control what I do, and this has serious consequences.”

My Version: “I face the reality of my situation: I do not have control over the addict(s) in my life and any attempt to do so is causing harm.”

Roast: Face the facts, my friend — control is an illusion. Also, maybe stop acting like you have a secret remote control for someone else’s life.

Ok, but for real. Healing & Growth isn’t about shaming yourself. It’s about being genuine, being curious, and taking intentional action. This is why we do it differently in the Healing & Growth Circle.

Be sure to follow so you get my take on the next step!

08/27/2025

I’ve been quiet on here for a bit (fully engaged in my summer activities to be honest)… but I’m back, and I’m bringing something new. 💛

But first... imagine my delight when I realized my new favorite comfy hangout gear is THIS color!

I'm not at all embarrassed to admit I am a Swiftie, and YES I'm so so so happy for all things Tay & Trav, but that's not the focus of this post.

If you’ve been around, you know I’m all about helping women untangle from the chaos of a loved one’s addiction. One of the tools that has been hugely helpful to my private clients is The Proactive Twelve Steps by Serge Prengel. I love this mindful framework so much more than the original twelve steps (which I used 20+ years ago in my own recovery).

The truth is… healing can be a heavy process. And sometimes, the best way to see ourselves more clearly is to add a little humor so that the women who know the chaos of a loved one's addiction all too well (no pun intended... see what I did there?) have simplified, direct language about what each step actually means in their life.

👉 So starting this week, I’m doing a loving-but-sassy roast series of the 12 Steps.

Each post will give you:

The original step by Serge Prengel,

My rewritten version, and

A playful roast (because let’s be honest — sometimes the first thing we think when we read a step is too real not to laugh about).

My motto is this: Growth doesn’t have to be boring. Healing can be messy, real, and even a little funny. Stick around — Step 1 drops Friday. 💭✨

Desired Lives Wellness

10/28/2025

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10/27/2025

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09/09/2025

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09/03/2025

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08/29/2025

08/27/2025

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