10/05/2025
Good Sunday morning.
There is a very deep sadness upon my heart and mind.
I really need to say a few incredibly serious things that I think people should hear to help bring more awareness.
Please give me a few moments of your time.
You may hear me talk about being an advocate for mental health.
Usually I put little tips and pieces of advice on my page to encourage you to learn new hobbies, go new places, get out and socialize more.
Exercise and eat cleaner.
These are just surface pieces of advice from me to you.
But they are extremely important.
It's all completely about building and maintaining a STRONG, SOLID and healthy mental and emotional foundation.
A couple days ago there was a very serious tragedy that happened locally.
Out of respect for the family, I will not mention names, but this family was a part of my past.
Although it was a short time, I did meet and get to know the family.
And I recently learned that one of them are now deceased and another has been detained.
The first thing that happens is shock.
Then disbelief.
Then confusion.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Then grief.
Acceptance.
These stages can happen in any order for each person.
They can also last various amounts of time.
I am not a mental health professional, but I do have personal experience with a loved one diagnosed with MHI presently.
And I am speaking from what I feel, continue to learn and strategies I personally implement in the present to help this person with daily living.
If you love yourself at all, and really want to understand how incredibly phenomenal your body has been designed, please research the stages of grief and the effects on the mind, emotions and physical body.
Learn what can happen physically, emotionally and mentally to you when a huge traumatic event suddenly blindsides you or someone you love.
We all could serve ourselves well to learn about grief.
Death is not something we want to think about, ever.
But if we have even a general understanding about why we feel what we feel or what we may feel when there is a death, it can provide more solid ground to stand on when the world around us feels like it is crumbling to pieces.
Each human process trauma differently.
So- when reading the comments under an obituary or a news/press release about a tragedy and someone makes a remark about a person being a "monster" for a heinous act or another person asks questions that may not seem related to the incident at all; that is a time for others to be graceful.
Everyone sends the "prayers for your family" and "sorry for your loss" sentiments.
They want to show they are sorrowful for what happened and this is the easiest thing to say at the moment while the mind is reeling with shock and disbelief.
The brain is trying to process.
In my lifetime; I will continue to urge people to stop living behind "rose-colored" glasses as much as everyone tends to do concerning mental health illness.
I am not saying to live every moment full of doom and gloom, and full of catastrophic thinking.
But OPEN YOUR EYES; BE OPEN TO HELP OTHERS WHEN A MOMENT PRESENTS ITSELF TO YOU.
If you notice someone acting differently than usual- START to become involved.
Ask them questions.
Please don't pass it off as just a mood or a teenage thing or a Menopausal stage or a mid-life crisis.
It could be much, much deeper than that for that person.
And whatever they say- take it in but watch their ACTIONS.
Actions ALWAYS, ALWAYS speak louder than words.
If you care for someone and they are not themselves, get in their lives.
Let them know VERBALLY that they are not alone.
Do not assume they "already know"-
people need to HEAR these words too, and OFTEN.
(Providing reassurance.)
Tell your family you love them.
Do not assume they "already know."
SPEAK these words to them, OFTEN.
Give them compliments OFTEN.
(Providing love, care and nurturing.)
Do not assume they know they are doing a good job with something or handling an issue well.
(Providing acceptance and belonging.)
Every human benefits greatly when they feel appreciated and they are noticed by others.
And please don't speak to them only to tell them when they are doing something WRONG.
This is completely destructive to a person's self-worth and self-esteem, at any age.
SPEAK kind, uplifting words to them, OFTEN.
Love, safety, security, acceptance, belonging and compassion are basic human needs to survive and thrive.
As a society I hope we "all" do not assume that each person are receiving these basic needs.
Because all people are NOT.
You do not have to have a degree in mental health to be a complete asset to someone who may be struggling in any way.
Sometimes just having another person near you is the most important thing.
Just sitting beside them; maybe put your hand over theirs.
Sit beside them on the sofa and watch tv.
Just be THERE.
(Providing safety.)
Don't let fear continue to hold you back from intercepting and miss out helping a loved one.
If you have a gut feeling that something is just not well with someone you care for, get in their space.
(Only if you feel safe; I'm never suggesting anyone put themselves in danger at any cost. Call the law immediately if you feel that you are ever in danger.)
Be around that person more and REALLY take notice of them; what they do to be happy; what they do to calm themselves if anxious.
Do they like to read a book for fun or to calm down?
Have they suddenly stopped?
Maybe they play tons of video games to relax and unwind.
Suddenly they don't anymore.
Take notice of what makes them THEM.
Do they usually crave ice cream or chips and salsa and have loved these junkfoods for years and suddenly they don't want any of it?
These may sound like small things but if it changes SUDDENLY and is not a part of who they are anymore, this a red flag of caution for others to implement a plan to get involved.
GET INVOLVED.
SPEAK UP.
LET THEM KNOW YOU HAVE NOTICED THAT SOMETHING IS DIFFERENT.
SPEAK WITH KINDNESS, SPEAK WITH ENCOURAGING WORDS; SPEAK FROM A PLACE OF SAFETY, CARE AND LOVE.
Do they have a passion that brings them the most happiness- for example, my boyfriend is a dirt bike rider and started when he was 7 years old.
He is 55 now and he suddenly stopped riding bikes completely about 17 years ago.
This was a red flag for me.
Something was different and changing for the worst.
Please trust me when I say these things;
I want to share this about myself in order to positively influence others to make an impact and stop hiding behind excuses of lack of knowledge and break through fear of the "unknown" dealing with mental health.
To help prevent future suicides, homicides and
break through the fear of MHI; (Mental Health Illness.)
My boyfriend has severe mental health illness;
professionally diagnosed by a Pscyhiatrist (17) years ago.
But I saw these signs years ago and swept them under the rug.
From lack of knowledge, disbelief and inexperience of mental health illness.
He would have extreme, sudden bursts of anger out of nowhere and go outside in his garage and stay for HOURS.
I am talking about him from getting off work at 5pm to staying outside at 2am, 3am or 4 in the morning.
Without coming in to eat dinner or talk to me.
(He was never and has not ever been violent; but he would yell alot and pace, pace back and forth when these outbursts happened.)
In my mind, I thought he was hyperglycemic and needed to eat.
He never had healthy eating habits and would skip meals alot.
I noticed more of his hobbies change over years and thought he was just getting older and growing tired of them.
I saw his appetite completely change over the years; his absolute favorite foods no longer interested him and he never wanted them anymore.
Didn't even mention them; or any of those good ole restaurants we liked to go to sometimes.
I noticed that he started staying up very, very late at night watching tv or playing video games in the back room if he wasn't outside in his garage.
And when I asked him about this he told me
he "was used to being a bartender back in his home state" and he couldn't sleep.
But he was a bartender over 25 years ago.
So, here was another red flag that something was changing and affecting him negatively.
I SAW all of this.
And instead of sweeping it under the rug- this time I got INVOLVED.
I made it my job to PAY ATTENTION.
I love and care for this person and I got in his days.
I got in his space.
I never felt unsafe; or I would not have attempted to interact.
In fact, I moved back home for 12 months to be safe when all of this first happened and before I understood more what was going on.
Thank the good Lord for my parents and His protection.
I made it known to him that I was AWARE that he was changing and told him that I was there to help not harm him.
And that he had many friends who were there to help him.
And I loved him.
These changes were happening already; but then real tragedy struck him, 17 years ago.
He lost a young neice to homocide.
He lost his mother to unexpected illness.
All within (1) year of each other.
He had a severe nervous breakdown that lead to Psychosis.
I was there.
I saw a human being that I spent over 25 years of my life with, have a Psychotic break right in front of my own eyes, on a Tuesday morning at 2am.
Screaming at people that were not there.
Telling me these people were outside in the driveway and were trying to break in the house and hurt us.
He told me to look outside at them and when I did there was NOTHING.
It was pitch black.
There was no sound; no stars, I don't remember the moon even being in the sky that night.
There was NOTHING there.
But he was seeing, hearing and believing that five strange men were trying to break in our house and hurt us.
It was absolutely REAL to him.
He even described what each one looked like; what they were wearing, called one of them by name and described the color of the SUV they were driving.
At that moment, I felt like I was in a whirlpool.
I could feel my soul sink to the bottom of my feet.
I felt light-headed and started to shake; I could hear my heart beating in my ears.
I felt like I was floating and I was weak.
I, myself could not tell what was REAL and what was not in that moment.
He was sweating, breathing hard, pacing and screaming at these people that he said were right at the front door.
The people who were never there.
I could see his pulse beating a mile a minute in his neck and veins in his forehead were bulging out.
I felt like I was having a mental break too.
I just couldn't understand what was happening.
Thankfully, I worked at LGH and Va Baptist at the time.
And then I remembered hearing a nurse on the Geriatric Psych Unit tell us, the Acute Physical Therapist and myself, the Tech, that you do not disagree with someone who is actively in a state of delusion or hallucinating.
It is as real to them as the world is to you and I.
To argue with them is futile and could cause further agitation and possibly violence.
So, the good Lord gave me the strength in that moment to tell him that I was afraid of these men, and needed him to lay back down and I would lay beside him for protection.
This distracted him and de-escalated the situation.
After (5) more hours, he finally fell asleep.
I remember looking at my cell phone, that was in my hand the entire time and (911) was still on the screen.
This time it worked for us that I did not call for emergency help.
I think back and I probably should have called help.
But my Fight-Flight-Freeze response had me frozen in fear.
I will beg others to call for HELP without hesitation if they can, if there are weapons present, or for ANY reason they may feel unsafe.
Both of our lives completely changed at that moment; 17 years ago.
Forever.
I was blindsided, terrified and frozen.
Like a sheep thrown in a den of lions.
I only knew about things like this happening in movies or read about them in medical books for college.
And suddenly, without any warning, it was right in front of me.
In real life.
A Psychotic break
My own boyfriend.
But I had seen the SIGNS all along.
The fear at that moment sent me into a complete state of NUMBNESS.
I had my cell phone in my hand and had dialed (911 ).
But I was so afraid that he might hurt himself if he heard me talk to the police that I never hit "SEND."
That was the most immense, indescribable, destructive, uncontrollable feeling I have ever experienced in my life.
It changed a huge part of me forever.
My heart and my mind are so heavy with sadness.
The world we live in is different these days, yes.
But WE can stay true to ourselves to fight much harder to help support those who are not able to maintain their own mental health.
They need our help.
They may not feel like they can ask for help.
JUST BE THERE.
Let me say this too.
I want you to be aware.
Do NOT think that it can't happen to you.
A sudden, severe traumatic incident can cause any person to crumble mentally.
Do NOT assume we all handle things the same.
Lord forbid there be anything like this happen to you, but can you honestly tell others you will be "ok?"
But we DO tell others we will be "ok".
Meanwhile alot of us are going home to wrecked home lives after 9-5's.
To marriages that are becoming violent or non-existent and full of strain.
To spouses entering new age-rela tr ed stages of life and possibly NOT adjusting well; for example retirement from careers.
To being latchkey kids- growing up on iPads and learning "adult things" from YouTube because mom and dad are busy fighting or completely ignoring each other; or depressed and sleeping alot- leaving you alone to fend for yourself at 10 years old.
To not having food, clean clothes, or anyone to talk to.
But we put on our "I'm ok" mask to face everyone the next day; for everyone to believe we really are "ok".
This is REAL.
We stop ourselves from showing others we are in pain.
We are lonely.
We are afraid.
We are grieving.
We are struggling.
It makes us feel weak to ask for help.
It does NOT have to be that way.
Within my lifetime of 47 years, I realized I have now actually known (4) victims of homicide.
And with (3) of those incidents, there WERE physical, emotional and mental SIGNS long before something was not well with the second person involved.
There were absolutely ways more folks could have gotten involved.
Could this have prevented any of the outcomes- maybe, maybe not.
But it would have damn sure slowed it down.
Getting more involved would have supported and surrounded those involved with more care and compassion.
Given them a second option to get out of harm's way and to safety the best they could.
To help wrap them in protection when they were feeling so afraid.
I'm not ever placing blame, or getting angry or being opinionated when I speak like this.
What I am doing is speaking straight, STRAIGHT from my own personal experience.
I am speaking very personally about what I have learned to do over the last 18 years to help my loved one with diagnosed MHI.
And what I will do moving forward to help others.
I pray others will do the same.
I worked with or personally knew all of (4) of these victims of homicide in my lifetime.
It shatters my heart.
Everything I have is FOR speaking up and helping folks become aware of how we can all get more involved with one another to actively prevent what we can help prevent.
It starts inside of YOU though.
Cherish your mental health.
Strengthen it.
Maintain it.
Use it to help those who cannot help themselves.
If YOU ever need to talk or would like a mental health professional to listen to you, or you are involved with someone who is experiencing mental health issues, (because you WILL need help too- you are going to be experiencing a somewhat different type of grief while your loved one is going through any kind of mental health issues), someone with neutral ears to help you along the way, I have resources for you; please reach out to these folks!
They are so absolutely phenomenal; we have personally worked with three of the groups I have listed for counseling, medical care and mental health support.
We will continue to work with these medical professionals for life in some way.
It is so hard.
YOU are not enough on your own.
YOU will need help to help someoneelse.
Trust me.
I am right there, right now.
It is alot of effort, I have cried more tears than I ever knew a human could produce.
I continue to cry this much daily.
And I will probably continue to cry this much.
But it's part of my brain coping, processing and grieving in order to keep moving forward.
It's from a place of care, love and just wanting less struggle for my loved one.
With the help of the most talented, devoted mental health teams he is able to live again.
Closer to what he once knew.
It will not ever be the same as it was but it is at least safe, and he knows he has a solid team of support.
He knows he is loved.
And you know what?
I've even seen him smile again.
God is good all the time.
Another blessing is that they many of these groups are located right here in Appomattox.
Aspire Mental Health & Wellness
(Appomattox, Va.)
Horizon Behavioral Health
(Appomattox, Va.)
Roads to Recovery
(Lynchburg, Va.)
Oak Tree Wellness Center
(Appomattox, Va.)
Five18 Family Services
(Lynchburg, Va.)
I send every ounce of my love, care and God's protection over every one of YOU, every single day.
These prayers I double for the local families that just suffered such a sudden, unimaginable loss.
You all are NOT alone.
You are doing an incredible job!
You are loved deeply and lifted by many, always.
" A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another."
King James, John 13:34
