01/31/2026
Here's what most couples get wrong about communication: They think the problem is that their spouse won't listen. But I'd be willing to bet the real issue is how the conversation is starting.
If you lead with criticism, your spouse shuts down. If you lead with accusation, they get defensive. If you lead with a history of everything they've done wrong for the past six months, they check out completely.
Want to actually be heard? Try this instead:
Start with curiosity, not criticism. "I've been feeling disconnected lately. Can we talk about what's going on?" beats "You never make time for me anymore" every single time.
Give your spouse space to think. Some people process out loud. Some need time. If you rapid-fire questions and demand immediate answers, you're not inviting conversation - you're interrogating.
Listen to understand, not to respond. When your spouse is talking, actually hear them instead of formulating your defense. Most marriage communication fails because both people are waiting for their turn to talk instead of trying to understand.
Clear is kind. Say what you mean. Don't expect your spouse to read between the lines or pick up on hints. Tell them what you need.
Try one of these shifts this weekend and see what happens.
What's one communication pattern you know you need to change?