06/06/2024
To the person at Monty's that asked tonight what happened to my arm, I hope that I did not startle you too much when I said, "No offense, but I don't want to talk about it."
Practically no one wants to discuss their trauma. There is nothing fun about reliving it. It's probably just a good idea not to ask anyone how they attained an injury or why some bodily part is covered with a bandage or a cast unless the information is volunteered.
Regardless of how long I have been on dialysis, the entire subject remains difficult on some levels. It once was so traumatic that I could hardly speak at the clinic when I was there. I fear that much of what I said to the staff was not pleasant. I could not talk to the other patients at all. It is much less traumatic now that it was in 2021, but it will always be difficult.
It's not as if I can take off my bandage right away after leaving the clinic; I must leave it on for approximately one hour or blood will gush everywhere. Trust me, I learned the hard way.
There are many stereotypes about dialysis patients, and most are not positive. I strive to "blend in" to my surroundings, and having this bandage on causes me to stick out like a sore thumb. However, I must continue to live my life, and sometimes that means going places immediately after dialysis with this crazy bandage on my arm.
I try to remember things could be worse...one time I left dialysis and went to Aldi. I was not using my fistula (arm port) then, but a central line in my chest. That port was hanging out of my blouse and I did not know it. I was SO embarrassed when I found out that everyone had seen that.
Have you done anything lately that made you feel mortified?
