03/19/2026
ESSENTIAL information for divorces where children are involved!
What Is a “High Conflict” Custody Case?
A high conflict custody case is not just about two people who don’t get along.
At its core, it is usually about two very different approaches to parenting — different values, different expectations, different rules, and different ways of raising a child.
Often, these cases arise in modification actions, where what once “worked” no longer does.
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What Makes It High Conflict?
• Inability to communicate effectively
• Constant disagreement on parenting decisions
• Lack of trust between parents
• One or both parents undermining the other
• Introduction of new partners that complicate dynamics
• Children being exposed to tension, inconsistency, or confusion
When this happens, co-parenting breaks down entirely.
Instead of working together, parents shift into what is often called parallel parenting — operating separately, with little to no alignment.
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Why This Is So Hard on Children
Children are then left to navigate:
• Two different sets of rules
• Two different expectations
• Two different value systems
And children, being adaptive, will often begin to test, manipulate, or “choose sides” — not because they are bad, but because they are trying to make sense of inconsistency.
Children need structure, consistency, and loving accountability.
Without it, they feel unstable — even if they cannot articulate why.
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What Not to Do
• Do not undermine the other parent
• Do not involve your child in adult conflict
• Do not try to “win” your child over
• Do not create completely different parenting environments
• Do not let emotion drive decision-making
These behaviors escalate conflict, increase litigation, and ultimately harm the child.
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The Reality
High conflict cases are some of the most difficult — and most expensive — cases in family law.
Not because they have to be, but because cooperation has broken down.
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The Goal
Even when the relationship ends, parenting must continue.
The goal is not perfection — it is consistency, stability, and respect for the child’s need for both parents.
