The Meno Medical Journal

05/23/2025

And i did my blood work this afternoon, and results came in - Kaiser has a night crew to do these, apparently.

The very short update is my prostate cancer indicator DROPPED!

The slightly long update is that i am mostly healthy except my glucose level was a little high. This matches with my pre diabetes status.

My pet scan report was updated too and a few more spots were found.

But the important thing is that my prostate cancer is back to going down. It’s a nervewracking thing to do bloodwork, because while i can do what can to become more healthy, cancer is something that just happens. It’s taking a test i can’t study for.

But i passed! And i am happy!

05/22/2025

I mentioned a few weeks ago that my numbers were creeping up so there was a little concern. I got a pet scan earlier this week to see what was up - if the numbers are up, the cancer is somewhere…

And it is. The cancer found some new places - my left arm, my collarbone, sternum, and my lower back. Not too happy with it, but it could be worse. A LOT worse. The interesting thing is that the cancer is left-oriented.

My pain hasn’t increased - well, it has, but it’s because i ran out of a supplement i was taking of tart cherry. Yep, that’s what it is. I didn’t notice a change until a few days after running out when I went to get my pet scan.

After the scan i went to Ikea and then the mall next door, Potomac Mills. And i walked most of it and noticed my leg was getting stiffer and stiffer, so i checked my step count.

8000. Yipes. I only wanted to do 5000, and i had to get to my car. I did a total of 11,000 steps before i got to it. My left knee was the stiff joint, so i welcomed the driver’s seat.

I got another supplement the next day with tumeric and cucumber extract and started taking it. It seems to be working but will take a little time to take full effect.

This is the same case with the cancer med i am taking. I mentioned that it wasn’t changed yet because it wasn’t in my system long enough to work. Another factor was that my testosterone level hadn’t been nullified long enough to have an effect. So blood work is going to be done to see what’s up now.

The positive right now is that the testosterone count did drop last month. That should have slowed down the cancer as it feeds on it. The indicator needs to drop though. So fingers crossed.

The news that Joe Biden was diagnosed with the same cancer was not missed by me. I hope his treatment goes well and my thoughts are with him.

So that’s what’s up now - i have an appointment with the doc next week to find out what is going on and what is next for me. Ill pass that on when i get it.

Til then, a pic to think on. It’s a gift i got from my sisters when they went to LA and i dogsat…

04/19/2025

You don’t realize things have changed until they do. I was doing very well in Florida, walking around 10k steps a day then got back to Fayetteville and still doing well…

Then i drove to DC. I made the drive with no problem, and the next day was pretty happy. But that night, i started getting sore throat…

Pollen. My car is covered with it, and outside there is a yellowish ting on everything. I used to get really hit by pollen, and now, it has come back.

I know this quite well from having this in NC - i would have a sore throat in the morning, and a terrible cough from trying to get the phlegm out. I first got this in junior high but finally got over it after college. Mostly.

The sore throat would usually disappear after i showered and i woul take decongestants and antihistamines to do the rest. By the time i got out of college, i only needed the shower to take care of things.

Well, the hay fever came back with a vengeance. I had a worse everything- the cough, soreness, and sniffles. To make things interesting, there was also a cold snap one night that stiffened my bad leg. My congestion was such that i needed to sit up to keep up from coughing.

So basically I was a mess. After the usual round of medicine, i narrowed down what i needed and took some time to rest.

The dogs had other ideas. Both Bubba and Elvis knew something was wrong and tried their best to be near me. What this really meant was that my legs would have to be bent to make way for a dog at my feet. The other would be by my head, and both curled up and kept watch on me.

I thought this was really cool excapt that Elvis is a 70 pound doodle who doesn’t look too closely where he chooses to sit - so more often than not, he would end up on my bad foot. Need to get better on that.

When things worked, though, i had doggie heating pads where I needed them, which was great!

It just took a lot more time than expected to rest and heal. The hay fever sapped me of any energy to do anything, so i was laying down with the dogs.

Which are down here. My paw patrol.

04/15/2025

This song is from the Disney animated movie “Hercules” and resonates with me even more now. Being hit with something like cancer put me in a place where everything was different because everything became harder to do. To get to where i used to be, i had to reclimb old steps.

I have been very lucky in my journey so far, as the skills and things I prize and value i still can do and my mind is unchanged. I have been reminded, though, that my path may not go where i expect.

I will find my way though.

I

03/30/2025

So i did blood work and it appears i did it too soon. The indicators were all up after the testosterone inhibitor was put in my system a four days before. I think this because of a misunderstanding i had with the doc - i got an infusion for calcium and at the same time i got a shot for the inhibitor, and i thought to get my blood work then, and she mentioned it was too soon. She didn’t tell me when to go though.

Anyways, that was a momentary panic. But i also got a flu shot that made my arm sore, so i was a pincushion this tome around.

But this isn’t the important thing. The important thing is that i had a really normal day today. Some friends from the West Coast are headed to London and decided to visit me for a couple of days here.

They arrived at Dulles, and they came in late, so the planned trip to my old art store was replaced to a trip to Tysons Corner Mall, where we had dinner at Coastal Flats and spent some tome visiting some shops. After that, i drove them to their hotel and did some chatting before i went back to my place.

Did you notice what i left out?

I didn’t feel bad. I had a pain pill right before meeting at the airport, but once i met them, it wasn’t a big deal. I still walked slower, but there wasn’t anything to stop me. I ended up doing 10,000 steps.

I also had no fatigue. I was running as close to healthy as i could - basically, it’s me at ‘convention mode.’

At conventions, events, or other things that i deem important, i end up not having the usual things i have. A lot of it is excitement, but it something that i am happy to know i still have.

And I will be in this state for the next two days as the host for my friends. I am so looking forward to the rest of this!

(No pics because, well, i was having too much fun!)

03/26/2025

Another update - I finished another issue of the magazine, so I am happy! I don't schedule the magazine well, so it usually comes down to me blowing one deadline (I am close to done, but not complete) and making the next. However, all of this entails me doing late nighters, which doesn't do my body any favors. The longer it takes, the harder it is. So I gotta be better. And the next issue is the 20 year anniversary issue too, so no pressure...

Outside of that my new treat meant is going along. The change in pills coincided with my testosterone inhibitor wearing off, so suddenly I was a 50+ year old and again! The bad thing is that since prostate cancer feeds on testosterone, my new drug didn't make up for lost progress. But it did work, so that's reason to celebrate!

To that end, I got an infusion to take care of calcium loss ( the drugs used weaken the bones) and I got a shot of Luparin to kick my testosterone down again. It's a starve and attack approach. And to top it all off, I got a flu shot - they trapped me. (I also need to get my covid updated and shingles shot updated, but I declined this time) The lupin shot is in the hip, and doesn't bother me, but the flu shot left my arm sore. If I was in a better mood I would have gotten the covid shot, but I didn't feel like being a pincushion.

My leg is still not up to s***f, and is really sensitive to weather. Cold days are bad, wet days are bad, cold wet days are really bad. My leg moves stiffly or more stiffly. My back gets sore after standing too long in place, and my leg gets stiff sitting too long. You can figure out what I need to do. I now have a cushion on my char for my back and a heating blanket for both my leg and back for when I am at the desk - they have turned out to be really helpful. And on a good day, I can extend out my oxycodone pain med by about an hour to two hours, so I'm not in a really bad state. As I have said before, I don't have pain, just discomfort - my leg is generally numb, but can feel asleep at its worst. It also is responsive at the same strength as my good leg, just a little slower.

My new normal has taken an interesting shape. I sleep at around 1 am or try to - I usually lay down for an hour or so before I actually go, the get up around 5 when Elvis was me to go outside. After that, I nap until around 8ish, then take my morning oxytocin's dose and then sleep until noon. From noon until 20 I do some activities and morning meds and blood check, but I can expect fatigue to kick in around 2, so i usually nap until 3:30 or so then take my second dose. From 4 until 11 I am alert and able to do things.

This changes if there is something going on. I can easily get up early and spend the day doing things if I have meetings or events to go to. I will need to recover afterwards, though.

But no health issues. I ceck the mirror to see if I see myself though. Given my new normal, I might be turning into a vampire, and that's not good.

With the new night schedule, too I have been able to spend more time sketching, which has been really fun. I am getting better and now sketching with my niece. We have a shared sketchbook, so she does one page and I do the next. She does horses, I do spaceships, so you can see the difference pretty clearly. I also am blowing through another sketchbook since I got some new pencils that want to tell a story.

I get blood drawn later this week to see what progress the new drug has made. Since the testosterone just got reduced, it may make only a small effect, but a downward trend is good and expected. I just gotta start doing things to minimize my fatigue.

Also later this week and the next week and a half Iwill be going through a shakedown of sorts - I have a lot going on that will have me busy. A friend is visiting, I am playing host for them for a few days, then I drive to NC and then go to Orlando to spend some time at Disney for a couple of days! I am so looking forward to all of this, and expect to have no problems, but have a serious recovery time afterwards.

And since the mag is done, I get to draw for a little bit!

02/01/2025

It’s my first Cancerversary!!

Yes, it’s an odd thing to say, but there a few reasons to mark this with a positive sipn. What could have been a life-changing for the worse has done much for me in terms of looking at life.

My life stopped dead it its tracks one year ago today. I was diagnosed after a week in a hospital either Stage 4 prostate cancer, and my treatment was starting with radiation and then chemo in the form of pills.

When my life hit the brakes, it wasn’t easy to deal with. I had to get on my feet literally and start moving. I wanted to rebuild my life, which originally meant getting back to a normal routine and working.

Working didn’t work out. Job hopping in my career helped out as that kept me from thinking all of my worth was in my job. I had to act on the realization that my worth is in what i choose to do.

What that really means is taking stock of what i have in skills and working toward using them. I had to make my jobs. To a certain extent, that was already set up when i did freelance work. I would have to concentrate on developing my skills farther.

My skill before college was drawing and my career was indirectly based on this. Restarting my drawings was a lot like meeting an old friend. I need to catch up on lost time.

I also got clarity. There is a lot of noise and distractions that made my life what it was. I got a lot of those out bu determining what is important to me. Money is not important - i never wanted to be rich, but be able to make ends meet and a little extra to have fun every once in a while.

What is important is to make a positive impact on others. I want to do the right thing. Sometimes it’s tough to do or figure it out, but it matters to me.

Another thing is that cancer took a lot of f-cks i used to give as well as patience. I no longer have the time to deal with idiots. My life is too short to deal with crap and will call it out.

So i spend time and money helping. I want to do good. Not profitable, not good for me, just general good.

It’s not easy to think this, especially now. But in the dark, i want to be a light. I may flicker, but i will try to be bright.

Thanks to all of you for reading this and all my other posts. I am brighter because of that, and don’t feel any mental pain. I feel physical pain sometimes, but mentally and spiritually, I am soaring.

And to my friends who are also going through this, my thoughts are with you.

01/30/2025

Not sure what happened today. I’ve been off the Zytiga, my main treatment waiting for my new meds. My routine has changed accordingly, with only one pill to take at night which is my oxycodone.

But I was pooped all day. Usually this happens after a busy day when im doing something fun or driving for a long period of time. But i wasn’t busy Tuesday.
I was tired and when i wasn’t, i was fatigued. What that really means is that there were times i rested and times when i wanted to do something…and rested again.

It’s a weird state to be in. And not as fun as it could be.

Overall, my body has had some changes due to the cancer and treatment. The biggest change initially was i lost weight. Illness is not a good weight-loss program, but it seems to work with me. I have been gaining weight in the past six months, thought, so that’s good.

Another is that the testosterone level I had was cut to very low levels, as it turns out prostate cancer feeds on it. I was given a drug to suppress the testosterone and it has lasted a lot longer than expected. The most noticeable effect this has had on me is well, a lack of overt sexual reaction to women. I don’t get aroused. While you may think this is a bad thing, i actually like it. There is a difference between a sexy woman and a beautiful woman, and its great to be able to easily discern that. And its nice to know all the women i know are beautiful. Sexy objectifies a person and also tends to fade over time.

Fatigue is the new thing I haven’t gotten the hang of. It’s by far the sneakiest of the things i have to deal with. I can be ready to do something, then suddenly, i want to rest. I feel intimidated by the task at hand and my inner voice tells me to rest. I can tell if it’s fatigue if i start and i perk up and get wrapped up in the task. If i don’t perk up, im tired.

This makes all-nighters and late-nighters very hard to do. Fatigue affects my focus.

Physically, i have my limp. My pain is more discomfort, defined by the tightness of my bad leg’s muscles (or the feeling of it) and the stiffness of its movements. I don’t have pain like needles and stabbing pains, so i can manage my pain with the oxycodone. My lower back gets a throbbing pain or a knot if i sit too long but i can take care of that by standing or using hot/cold lotion.

My toes can move freely, but their nerves are off - the feeling is impaired. I can feel a needle but there is a numbness present. This is from lesions that have been treated that put pressure on my leg nerves and toes. Things are slowly healing but it may be a long while before my leg functions fully. So no jumping and dancing and running at this point.

I will be marking the first year of my cancer in a couple of days, so i guess this is a status report of my body. It all sounds bad, but i am grateful for where i am. I’ve been able to adjust with the help of my family and friends, and i have a doc that is watching out for me.

So label me as maybe down, but definitely not out!

P.S. i will post about the psychological and philosophical changes I have had in another post - it won’t be quite as serious. Didn’t mean for this one to be so dark.

01/28/2025

I went to the oncologist for follow up appointment. These happen every couple of months and are meant to be routine checkips on me and my cancer. I get lab work done monthly, so anything that looks odd can be spotted and looked into.

My last three lab tests showed an increase in my prostate antigen, which meant something was up. To confirm activity, i did a pet scan, which is a trace test. A radioactive solution called a contrast is inserted by IV and allowed to circulate in my body. The solution settles where cancer cells are and makes them detectable by the scanner.

The scanner is this tube you lie in. It’s a small space, which doesn’t bother me, as i can’t wear my glasses and can’t see past my nose. The entire procedure takes 1.5 hours, with the first hour relaxing in a darkened room to let the contrast spread.

It takes a few days for the results to come in, and i get to see them. What i saw wasn’t good. There was more activity because there more lesions. Medical terminology is not a strong suit of mine, but i do have some knowledge from my days in a previous life as an art director for a pharmaceutical ad agency. What i could tell was that there were new lesions (not good) and that they were mostly in bone, including my backbone (crap).

The positive things were that nothing critical like a lung was hit (big sigh of relief) and with these, i wasn’t feeling any new pain. My appointment wasn’t moved up either, which is a definite positive. My prostate antigen rise wasn’t a huge rise either - my most recent reading was 49.8, which is a jump from my low point three months ago, but below 100.

But that still meant something had to be changed. The cancer had developed a resistance and was growing in different places, so treatment had to be changed. This frightened me, mainly because it’s an unknown to me - what could be done? There is chemo with an IV (which i really am not interested in), different pills, and radiation (which isn’t bad to do - you get zapped). It could be one or more of these and it weighed heavy on my mind.

So it was with a little reluctance (dragging of feet) i went to my appointment. My little sister went with me to ask questions and be support.

My oncologist is a good doctor and was quick to explain what was up. My numbers were up because my cancer had returned, but most were in the places that had lesions before. And the numbers were up, but not dangerously higher.

So my meds needed a course correction. My doc dropped my current prescription of Zytiga to another drug that is stronger. What was amazing was that this drug doesn’t need Prednisone alongside it like Zytiga. And the side effect i would have to be mindful of is fatigue.

That’s it. My pain management is doing well with oxycodone, so that stays.

I need to understand that this is part of my new normal. This was the first time that my meds were circumvented by my cancer, and it probably won’t be the last. I flipped out because of that first change. I’ll be a bit calmer next time.

Afterwards, i went to the LEGO store and bought some sets. A friend of mine sent me a gift card for after my visit. And i built the sub already.

Which is appropriate because i acted like a goldfish! (Ted Lasso reference)

12/31/2024

Another long pause since I posted last. I would love to say that it's been uneventful, but one of the reasons why I have been quiet is to confirm something not so positive.

My prostate antigen numbers went up two months in a row. Something's up, and I am getting a PET scan in a couple of weeks to see what is going on. Based on what is found, my treatment will be changed. I'm upset by this, but it's part of life. My treatment is a marathon, and I have to understand that there will be hills and valleys. This is a hill that isn't big, but unexpected, and that's what frustrates me more than anything else.

There isn't any urgency beyond the usual pace of my routine - the PET scan is in two weeks. I'm a bit relieved at that. When the doc drops their work to send an urgent call, THEN you worry.

I spent Christmas in NC with my big sister and dad, and that was nice. I also got to play with Dougie, which is a lot like playing with a tornado of happy! But best of all, I got to slow down things a little bit. I have a real problem trying to take life too fast (when you run on deadlines, that is a problem that used to be a feature, but now it's a bug) so home always slows things down.

Slowing down means taking time to look around and actually seeing things. It also means taking control of your own life for a few moments. Deadlines are control mechanisms given by something or someone else, and imply urgency and speed. For me, the magazine is something that has deadlines to command my attention. And I finished an issue this month, amazingly on time.

Slowing down also means taking time to explore things. I have done so much of that this year with my skills. Much of my art skill is somewhat surface-level: I know enough to get what I need done and quickly (that speed thing again). Now I am getting back to skills and exploring further. My drawing skills may appear high to everyone, but with time, I can get better.

I also have to cut myself a little slack. Part of learning is failing, and while I say that failure is something to live with, I have a hard time with it with my projects and skills. I want my sketches(!) and art to be great the first time around, and that is slowly changing to explore and enjoy the process, even though I will make mistakes and leave a lot of garbage in the interim.

My attitude is slowly changing from that of scout (speedily going from place to place and noting good and bad things) to that of explorer (going from place to place and spending time to better understand things), which is a good progression. I will miss less and see more.

Which leads me to the next year. I only have set one New Year's Resolution so far: to read more. Actually, to just read. I love behind the scenes books on movies and TV shows, but those are books that answered a question I had. I need to read things that get me to ask questions on their own. I don't want to skim because I want to find out a technique or point of information, I want to have my reading speed up because I am vested in the story.

I will have more resolutions and will post them in my general page. It's going to be an interesting year, and I wish everyone the best for 2025!

Send a message to learn more

12/03/2024

Darn it. My blood work came back and my PSA (prostate antigen) reading went up. I went from 12.9 last month to 17.3.

It’s upsetting because i was dropping steadily for over 6 months. But it could be worse. The ready could have jumped.

I think the other thing that bothers me is a lot of this part of the treatment and my response is out of my control. I can’t change my diet or exercise my way out of this. The PSA is out of my hands and like a stockholder, i hope that my results are positive.

Everything else is fine - i am a little anemic, but nothing dangerous.

So i need to do something to get my mind off this. Time to art:

12/02/2024

Monday morning and slightly challenging. I take oxycodone for main management for my leg. The drug reduces the pain to alevel that is easy to deal with - I don’t have pain inthe sense of stabbing sensations, i have a numbness and dull pain. The real issue that i have is that my leg is slow to respond, so the more pain i have the more efforti have to make to walk.

The oxy nullifies most of that resistance, and as time has gone on, i have gotten to walk a little faster and be a little more spry on my feet. I also can sit and get up from the floor without grabbing something to pull myself up.

The very annoying problem is have is that oxy is a controlled substance, so there are restrictions to amount given and refill time. With my other drugs, the refill window is about a week or so before any med runs out. It’s easy to figure out when i need to request a refill with these - i can sight count the pills or strips and request a week out. These items also are set to last at least a month, so there is is wiggle room on requesting.

The oxy is only refilled in 2 week amounts, and the refill window is 2 days before running out. Ive been having some issues with refills because the approval is done by the doc inside of 24 hrs(good) but gets stuck in the pharmacy somewhere (not good). I have had to follow up by asking the doc (who did her job) and then picking the drugs up.

This time, the refill window fell on Thanksgiving. I sent my request hoping it would be approved and ready for Friday. My prescription would last until Saturday, so this woild be tight but doable.

It didn’t work that way. My approval came in on Saturday and the refill was projected to be available on Tuesday. Since i didn’t see an approval on Friday, i started stretching the oxy i had.

Stretching the oxy for me is alternating between taking the oxy and the med i took before, which was Tylenol. It’s not as strong, but it’s okay for me as i used it before. I also extend the time between doses - the oxy is take every 8 hours as needed, and i have been able to go up to 10 hours. Tylenol is every 6 hours. So its a time to see how much better i have become by how long i last. I tend to get grumpy after 2 hours past recommended dose time.

I also didn’t do as much. Resting does a lot toward reducing the pain, its just i dont get anything done. But i requested refills on my treatment meds on Sunday with the hope they get approved Monday and ready for pickup later that day. I was also hoping that the oxy woild be ready so i could pick up everything Monday.

Lo and behold, it all worked out! Kaiser Permanente (my healthcare provider) is ridiculously efficient, so the approval for my latter prescription happened on Monday morning and by 11:00 am, they were ready for pickup. I saved my last oxy for Monday, so things dovetailed pretty well.

I now get to pick those up and get a lab test done to see how my treatment is going!

Side thought- the one thing getting me to sit on the floor and work on my leg? Elvis, the goldendoodle. He sleeps on the couch or floor, and he likes belly rubs. I have to get on the flood to do that, so after a few tries, i can do it!

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!