Autism Support Group of Southwest Missouri

08/31/2025

We hear this all the time: “My toddler is so smart! They know their colors, numbers, and letters. I want to challenge them so they’re not bored!” Or from teachers: “How do I get my class to learn their numbers and letters?”

The problem is that our perception of intelligence is often misguided.

We tend to equate intelligence with measurable results and surface-level memorization—a child who can point to red, count to ten, or recite the alphabet on command. These performances look impressive because they are easy to test and quantify, but they reflect repetitive exposure to content and drills, not higher-order thinking.

Real learning in early childhood happens when children learn how to learn.

In moments of play where children are stacking blocks until they topple, negotiating roles in pretend play, or solving how to get water from one container to another. These moments are where children are building the neural circuits for persistence, flexible thinking, self-regulation, and problem-solving. These are the skills that transfer into academics later on: sustaining attention during reading, applying strategies in math, or approaching a new challenge with confidence.

Rote drills, on the other hand, create short-term recall without deep processing. A child may memorize the letter “A” or the sequence of numbers to ten, but without context, these facts sit in isolation. They don’t connect to meaningful experiences, so the information isn’t stored in a way the brain can easily retrieve or apply later. This is why children drilled on letters may still struggle with reading comprehension, and why memorizing numbers doesn’t build the reasoning needed for math.

Yes, play looks abstract compared to chanting colors or tracing worksheets, but this is where genuine learning takes root. Play is where the brain practices curiosity, creativity, and persistence—the very abilities that form the foundation of future academic success. Rote drills may produce quick performances, but it is through play that children develop the deeper cognitive architecture that makes real learning possible.

08/31/2025

Created for special education teachers, paraprofessionals, and school staff who need ready-to-use language tools during challenging moments. These scripts can be printed, laminated, and placed in classrooms for quick reference.

https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/De-escalation-Communication-Scripts-Practical-Phrases-for-Special-Education-14321127

08/31/2025

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/19qzNJ2Lep/

08/21/2025

Most school districts are back in full swing this week and another school year has begun! Students, parents, and teachers alike may be feeling some worry about the unknown that this year may bring.

Adjusting to change, social anxiety and peer pressure, academic pressure and performance, homesickness and anxiety, time management and organization, navigating the social landscape of a school environment, and bullying just to name a few are some of the stressors and challenges many students may face this year.

Classroom management, relationship building, workload and time management, navigating differentiated instruction methods, keeping up with educational trends and technology, maintaining effective parent collaboration and communication, and addressing the needs of student with mental health and special needs present challenges for many teachers.

One thing that is a concern for everyone each and every year is the topic of school safety. The news feeds and television networks are abuzz right now publishing and broadcasting their usual back to school news articles and stories.

One particular popular morning news show recently aired a show featuring a parent who had lost her child some years ago in a school shooting. Some of her comments and those of some experts in the field of education included the following comments:

"School safety is a layered approach."

"More communication is necessary between educators, parents, and community leaders."

"To improve school safety it is important to identify students 'at risk for violence' and get them some help."

Without a doubt these are things that can go a long way to ensure safety in our schools - how long have many of us been saying these things? Yet, it was a little troubling that no mention was made of students with additional needs and disabilities, or how they frequently are viewed as "risks" to the safety of other students and teachers, and this is an important topic along with the alarming numbers of students with disabilities who are frequently suspended from school rather than being supported and given services to help them.

We understand and appreciate the fact that teachers and school administrators are responsible for the daunting task of meeting the educational needs of all students. We are not insensitive to the fact that students with IEPs present additional responsibilities for teachers to navigate which can be time consuming and add to the pressure and strain they already experience.

A recent poll revealed that 44% of teachers grade K-12 report feeling burnout "often or always." The findings also reveal that as a result many quit on average five years after beginning a teaching career. Teachers are quitting the profession in record numbers, and the reasons vary from low salaries to extensive administrative work outside the classroom requiring long work hours to complete, and the list of other reasons is long.

During my years as an advocate for parents with children (including my own son) who have IEPs, some of the common reasons school staff cite for difficulties they encounter following IEPs or identifying those who could benefit from one, are lack of skilled staff, shortages of time, lack of funding/resources, and the fact there are are on average 25 other students in the classroom.

These factors are not supposed to hinder schools from meeting the needs of students with IEPs, yet the harsh reality is they do. This combined with teacher burnout should remain at the forefront of a "layered approach" during conversations with educators, parents, and community leaders when we are talking about identifying students "at risk" for school violence.

Moving forward, in an effort to reduce risks and ensure the needs of students and teachers alike are met, perhaps more emphasis should be placed on acknowledging the reality that all too often students with mental health and disabilities are not being identified, and are not getting the services/ supports they need.

My experience and observation has been that schools are often highly resistant to assess or identify a student who may benefit from support and interventions at school - preferring to suspend or take other punitive measures instead that often only exacerbate the problems. So its great to hear news stories making calls to identify students who are "at risk" and "get them some help" but the reality is that is not happening on the scale it should.

This is not entirely due to school staff resistance, the other factor is parents are often ill informed about their child's rights, and too often schools are not forthcoming with enough information for them. School staff take a lot of pride in being able to successfully support students with challenges at school which is admirable, but in some cases acknowledging they cannot effectively support a student is the best thing for everyone. There should be no shame for a school to accept outside support and help for students who need them. Perhaps we should look at how to reduce the stigma or fear schools have in acknowledging the challenges they are facing to support students engaging in difficult behaviors?

It is also helpful when parents become more informed about school procedures and policies and understand their rights. Parent burnout is often a prevalent factor as well, and this sometimes can be the reason they come across as "not involved" with their child's education, which in turn can become a source of frustration for teachers.

Creating a school environment where everyone feels safe can be challenging, and there are so many factors to consider. Let's keep this conversation going. Let's explore ways to build a layered approach that involves everyone in schools, in homes, and in communities working together to keep our schools safe.

A good place to start may be by exploring how to ensure the needs of students and teachers alike are being effectively and consistently met, and equip them with what they need. This will go a long way toward fostering a school environment where students thrive and teachers can be more effective and feel supported

It is said that all behavior is communication. Many students "at risk" for violence often sounded cries through their behaviors long before they became considered safety risks. Some of them were never identified as having needs and never got the help they needed.

May this school year be a stellar year of learning, growth, progress, safety, and success for students and school staff alike!

~ Annette Arms M.S., LPC, NCC

05/15/2025

Well said. 👏👏👏

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/16NX8Nj1Je/

04/29/2025

04/29/2025

School refusal is legitimate and should be taken seriously to determine the cause.

What you see when a child struggles to attend school, is just the tip of the iceberg…

When a child struggles to attend school, the world often sees “bad parenting”, “school refusal”, or “attention seeking”.

But what lies beneath is so much deeper.
✨ Trauma.
✨ Overwhelm.
✨ Fear.
✨ A desperate need for connection.
✨ Anxiety that feels impossible to explain.

These children aren’t refusing school—they’re communicating distress in the only way they know how.

It’s time we stopped asking “what’s wrong with the child?" and started asking “what’s happened to the child?”

🎓 Our upcoming in-person School Avoidance workshop is now SOLD OUT. However, don't worry if you didn't secure a place - we have loads of resources all about school struggles on Sunshine Academy, our online learning platform.

It's just £10.99 a month and there's no minimum subscription term.

Sign up now at www.sunshine-academy.co.uk

04/29/2025

Article excerpt:

“Autism isn’t just one autism — it’s heterogenous,” said Roma Vasa, director of the Center for Autism Services, Science and Innovation at the Kennedy Krieger Institute. “There are many autisms that can present very differently across different people.” The goal of treatment should be to find each person’s capabilities and needs and provide them with the services, accommodations and tools to thrive."

We already know a lot about the disorder and why its prevalence has increased.

04/28/2025

A newly formed coalition is going to be taking a different approach to research, and perhaps this could be a good thing. It will be interesting to follow! Let's keep an open mind.

About the newly formed Coalition of Autism Scientists:

The Coalition of Autism Scientists formed in 2025 and is comprised of the leading autism researchers across the United States. It is led by Helen Tager-Flusberg, Ph.D., Professor Emerita, Department of Psychological & Brain Sciences, Director of the Center for Autism Research, Boston University. Shortly, the Coalition of Autism Scientists will launch a website at
https://coalitionofautismscientists.org

The newly formed Coalition of Autism Scientists (160 members and counting) today issued a statement in response to remarks and actions taken by Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., Secretary of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) regarding the study of autism, urging HHS to focus on establishe...

04/28/2025

April is coming to a close, a month that has been chosen to talk about autism. There are so many divisive topics this year, and in all fairness to everyone it is hard for us not to be a little emotional about these topics because it involves our children and loved ones. I think moving forward toward solutions that meet everyone's needs and can keep us united is going to require a little more kindness...among other things.

Life has been keeping me very busy these past few months, but as a result some good things are coming together that I hope to share with you soon.

I don't typically get on here and share much about my personal experiences, thoughts, and views but may start doing so to contribute more to the conversations taking place that affect us...would that be alright?

We need to have more conversations - in safe, judgment free places without fear of being attacked or belittled so we can talk openly about the things that affect us.

I shared this on my personal page with friends but want to share it with friends here too.
Feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences...just please be kind. 🙂

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We are clearly not all "in this together," and that has got to start being okay at some point. My autistic son who is a literal freaking genius, who can sound like a college professor when it comes to certain things has some really, really big struggles when it comes to other things.
They told me when he was younger that meant, "he has splintered skills."

Splintered. Umkay. But because he is so verbal and so amazing in some ways, people expected and frequently demanded so much more from him in every way. To the point when he couldn't "measure up" or meet certain expectations, they thought he was just "lazy" or "choosing not to."

Then they started punishing, excluding, secluding, and restraining him.

Then his self-esteem started spiraling.

Then he started hating autism and hating himself and began seeing himself as defective and broken because he could only see himself through his inability to fit in, perform, and meet all the expectations of others. It was all about everybody else, fitting in where he couldn't, and doing what they wanted, rarely what he wanted.

So as new verbiage for autism came along, I tried to use some of the new words ways to encourage and help him feel better about himself. To try to help him understand that he has so many incredible strengths ... but he continues to hate autism so much he hates himself. He hates it so much it is hard for him to appreciate his genius and incredible strengths, and I don't know how to fix this.

It's hard some days trying not to wrestle with if only...if only he'd had this or had that, if only this and this hadn't happened, if only that person, that person, and that person hadn't walked out on him or given up or treated him like crap...if only he hadn't been restrained and secluded so many stinking times and made to feel like a prisoner with no say about anything. A thousand if onlys. Maybe tomorrow will be the day I don't wrestle with the if onlys.

He just hates all the words people use to describe autism, and wishes more than anything he was not autistic. Is it because of all the trauma he experienced from different systems, schools, churches, and individuals who failed him? Here come the if onlys again in another form called the could haves and should haves...is there something I could have or should have done differently?

I do wish I had felt more confident about ignoring the so called experts sooner and just followed my gut about what was best for him.

I do wish I had never put him in public school. I wish I had not fought and advocated so hard for him to be in places where he was so deeply traumatized and not allowed to shine just for he who is just the way he is.

At the end of the day he needed to be loved, respected, and appreciated for who he is, the way he is without so much importance being placed on standards, testing, protocols, and procedures.

I understand why for some people on one end of the spectrum they want to be recognized as a different neurotype. The first time my son heard someone refer to him as having a disability he was shocked and outraged and said, "I'm not disabled!" Then he looked at me and demanded to know why he was being referred to as disabled.

I was trying to find an answer and lamely said, "Maybe it's a term society created for those who function differently than the rest of society?"

Until he heard someone else describe his abilities as not being "normal" he never saw himself as "disabled." Somehow being disabled still carries a lot of stigma. It still creates negative images in people's minds as "less than," and sometimes "less important than" mainstream society.

How we describe people with differences matters.

Inclusion, acceptance, awareness, understanding ... those words all sound and look good on paper. Right? Especially on signs and ads at businesses, clinics, and stores. Good buzz words to throw around every April. Right?

Remember when people were "celebrating" autism? My son got mad about that too and thought those people were stupid. I tried to explain to him that maybe some people are just trying to make sense of their world and are trying to see it differently. Maybe they are trying to be positive, maybe it helps them feel better about themselves? He vehemently declared he was never going to celebrate autism.

Most of us are well "aware" of autism by now. Many of us have experienced that "inclusion" sometimes opens a few doors, but the "acceptance" might last only as long as the funding, staffing, or resources. Then when all that runs out the individuals with the need for structure, routine, and consistency are just left hanging.

No one seems to want to talk about the difficult parts of living with their autism. It is still pretty taboo. Why do some people only ever want to hear and see the shiny, happy parts? Who doesn't love a great story, but the best stories usually begin with great difficulties, adversity, and hardships...this should be normalized a little more. Let's be honest, if you're living, walking, and talking your story will have some difficult parts.

If you don't write your story and share your truth, I have experienced too many times that others will twist the facts and rewrite them in ways that fit their agenda and not your truth.

I was scolded a few times when M was younger for being so vocal about the difficult parts. Parts that at times were so horrifically unjust, painful, wrong, and unfair I had to find out if there were others who were enduring some of the same things. I needed to not feel so alone. I wanted my son to not feel so alone. I didn't want to lose my sanity, although I think I might have a couple of times. So very thankful to God, my family, and my tribe who believed in and supported me and my son no matter what we were facing.

I found a whole community of people who listened and cared and let me ramble and carry on and to this day am grateful.

Life can get really messy sometimes. Can we be brutally honest, at times it can get downright ugly. Especially when it involves the ugliness of others.

Some of the biggest battles are finding reasons to smile, to hope, and to carry on in spite of chaos, madness, and mean, stupid people...in spite of the pain of loneliness from being turned away, rejected, ridiculed, misunderstood, and excluded.

Yet, in spite of all the difficulties, there have been some incredible moments of great victory and success. Moments that almost made all the pain and suffering worth it. Please know I didn't share this for sympathy or attention or to make anyone feel bad. I don't need that at all. Neither does my son. This has just been life for the past 22 years. The concept of once a soldier always a soldier for me has carried over to "once a mom always a mom."

April Autism month is designed to help make the world more aware, and inspire it to be more accepting, inclusive, and undertanding. As it comes to a close, it would be great to see it end with those all across the spectrum being more accepting, tolerant, inclusive, and understanding of each other.

If my child hates the word autism but yours feels better being called neurodivergent or autistic or whatever they want to be called...can that just be okay?

Can we stop the comparisons? There are none! Everyone is so so different. Profound, severe, mild, high are functioning labels ... some people hate them but more descriptive language is becoming increasingly necessary to ensure everyone's needs are met.

We have to figure this out. Can we just stop being so offended all the time? Can we step out of our own experiences for a moment to realize that the needs, views, and experiences of others are equally legitimate and valid too?

We need to identify the overarching problem here and that is the reality that one word - the word "autism" cannot possibly capture, define, or portray the full experience of anyone diagnosed with it. Level I, II, or III is just not adequate.

Maybe this is a little simplistic, but perhaps once the spectrum itself is more clearly defined people will feel more at ease and not worry so much about seeing their needs or the needs of their loved ones become lost in the vast expanse of confusion that exists right now about who is who. We don't want anyone to get lost or be overlooked for anything.

No one's diagnosis is any more or any less important because of the severity of the autism. The focus should be on ensuring everyone has equal access to what they need ... along with finding ways to make access more consistent and meaningful for everyone.

Ironically here's what is free and should be fairly easy to provide consistently and that is understanding, acceptance, awareness, and just being kind.

You haven't walked in my shoes and I haven't walked in yours. At the end of the day we only see snapshots of each others lives. Some people only see what they want to see. It's just way too easy these days to judge, complain, criticize, and point fingers. But if before you do that you haven't offered some meaningful solutions or some genuine help and support, then maybe this is a conversation you should sit out.

If your mind is closed and you think you have all the solutions and know all the answers then I challenge you to try your one size fits all approach with every one on the spectrum and let's see how that works.

It won't, it can't and most know that. Let's focus our energies on finding ways to to make plenty of room for everyone in ways that leave no one out, so that no one is overlooked, or forgotten.

The way I describe my child's autism is specific to him and only him. I can't speak for you and vice versa. Finding ways to be at peace with each other while making the world more aware of the enormous differences that exist on the spectrum is critical to our advocacy efforts.

If we want the world to embrace and accept our loved ones maybe letting them see us embracing each other first could be helpful?

It could be a start? We don't seem to be accomplishing much on the route we've been going except perpetuating division, confusion, and animosity.

Thanks for listening to this mama's thoughts. Wishing everyone well, looking forward to a great summer ahead!

~ Annette

03/12/2025

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to recommend, discredit, or otherwise speak negatively about any type of therapy or choice of therapy individuals make for themselves or their loved ones. The choice for therapy is an individual one, and should always be made with full disclosure from the providing therapist about the risks and benefits. There is no one size fits all approach when it comes to a choice of modalities for treating any condition. Please consult with your provider to determine the best approach for you or your loved one.

ABA used to be referred to as the "gold standard" of therapeutic interventions for autism. Today large numbers of autistic adults share their thoughts and feelings about ABA - and not many have a lot of positive things to say about it.

In speaking with a specialist recently and sharing with her some of the traumatizing experiences my now adult autistic son had with it, she told me ABA is changing to become more affirming and less traumatizing. She said, "There is good ABA and there is not so good ABA." This was certainly good to hear!

Autistic adults who are able to use their voices, along with their families no doubt helped shape some of the changes being made to this therapeutic approach.

I work with autistic adults who are still struggling with trauma from the "not so good ABA." I also work with parents of young autistic children whose parents are reporting incredible gains their children are experiencing with their ABA therapies.

It is hard not to wonder whether these children - many who do not have mouth words yet will agree when they become adults.

That being said, I do believe ABA can be helpful for some, but not for others. Keep in mind there is no one size fits all approach with any kind of therapy. There are many other kinds of therapies that also benefit children with autism that take a whole person approach, are neurodiversity affirming, and honor individual differences and needs.

This article is a good read with some valuable tips to consider when thinking about ABA for your child.

Jacqueline has been in the ABA field for 10 years and has been a BCBA for 6. She talks to use about indicators of quality ABA

03/12/2025

Loving this post in the feed today! The author is so right! Open discussions are absolutely needed in order for us to continue making progress as a community in our efforts to keep advocating for a more inclusive and neurodiversity affirming, understanding, and accepting world. 💙🌎💙🩷🧡💛💚