05/20/2026
Attachment is a spectrum, and as we experience enough safety to risk new ways of relating, our attachment styles can shift dramatically within that spectrum.
Reparenting is one route to shifting . involves noticing our unmet needs in the present moment and meeting those needs through giving ourselves good, attuned care.
Although we tend to look to others in search of this care, forming a secure to SELF is often step one to shifting an attachment style. And one key thing to know? This kind of attachment work is slow. It requires learning to listen to our needs and respond with kindness- that takes a lifetime of
Reparenting, just like parenting, gets to be a little messy. We'll let ourselves down, miss opportunities for care, and make mistakes- but that's the work. Researchers who study infants and their caregivers have found that 1. No parent is perfectly attuned, and 2. *Not* being perfectly attuned is an important part of helping kids grow independent. Winnicott, one of the early researcher in this area, wrote that accurately attuning to an infant 30% of the time was enough to build a secure attachment. I like to play with these concepts as I rethink reforming, and healing attachment styles as an adult through reparenting. We don't have to be a perfect parent to ourselves, we just have to show up for ourselves with kindness.
For folks wondering what this work actually looks like irl:
- it might be checking in with ourselves about what we *need*, not just what needs to get done.
- Allowing ourselves to ask for help.
- Practicing boundaries even when it feels uncomfortable.
- Reflecting on how our early attachment shapes our current relationships.
- Making space to be both challenged and comforted- maybe through therapy.
Attachment work gets applied a lot to and relationships but it's about so much more than romance. It impacts making and keeping friends, parenting, using support systems, self-image, accessing care, and career choices.
